DON’T MARRY THE ADMIRE, ADMIRED THE MARRIED

💞 Why Consistent Admiration is the Oxygen of a Thriving Marriage

By Pastor Wisdom Ogbe

Love doesn’t die in a single tragedy; it fades slowly when the oxygen of admiration is cut off, allowing bitterness and neglect to quietly take root.

In the beginning, admiration is easy—it starts with the surface: their looks, their style, their charm. But as a relationship matures, true admiration must shift from the exterior to the interior: their effort, their commitment, their values, and their presence.

Yet, a common tragedy occurs when couples stop admiring each other after the honeymoon. That's where the problem—and the risk—begins.

💔 The Heartbreak of the Unseen Spouse

As a counselor, I've listened to countless stories from individuals who have betrayed their marriage vows. And almost every single case shares one devastating theme: They didn’t feel loved, valued, or admired by their spouse anymore.

They didn't always need material wealth; they needed emotional worth.

• They felt neglected.

• They felt unseen.

• They felt like silent roommates, not passionate lovers.

• They felt unimportant, and the foundational respect was gone.

Money cannot speak the words "I love you"—admiration does.

🌹 The Universal Desire: To Be Noticed

Every spouse, both men and women, possesses a deep, fundamental desire to be noticed.

When a woman dresses beautifully, she's not just wearing clothes—she is quietly asking, "Do you see me? Am I still good enough for you?" If her partner fails to notice, it feels like a painful rejection. A simple, sincere compliment can anchor her heart at home, while consistent neglect leaves the door ajar for the wrong kind of attention.

Ladies, your man needs this affirmation too! Compliment his efforts, appreciate his hard work, respect his leadership, and speak life into his identity. Your admiration builds his confidence more than any outside success can.

💡 Four Steps to Keep the Admiration Alive

Protecting your relationship requires daily, intentional effort. Use these steps to ensure your marriage remains a comfort zone, not a war front.

1. Compliment with Specificity

Don't just say "nice." Say: "I appreciate how hard you work for us," "I love the way you handled that situation," or "You still look absolutely amazing." Small compliments carry colossal weight.

2. Give Undivided Attention

Be present. Ask about their day—and truly listen. Many people enter marriage expecting companionship, only to still feel lonely because their partner is physically there but mentally absent. Don't let your spouse have to compete with your phone or television.

3. Honor and Respect is Mutual

Respect is the framework of love. It is not demanded; it is earned, shown, and reciprocated. Always honor your spouse in private and in public, especially when you disagree.

4. Use Sweet Words Regularly

Words can build or destroy a heart. Choose to build. If you fail to speak lovingly to your spouse, someone else might offer those words of affirmation—and that is a risk you must eliminate.

💍 The Marriage Mandate

It is easy to chase what looks good. But real love is choosing to see, value, and cherish the one you have already chosen—every single day.

Your spouse might not want to leave, but they might be driven out by feeling perpetually unseen. Let your consistent, intentional admiration be the oxygen that keeps your love not just surviving, but powerfully thriving.

Don't marry the admiration. Admire the one you married.