DON’T MARRY THE ADMIRATION, ADMIRE THE MARRIED

💞 Why Consistent Admiration is the Oxygen of a Thriving Marriage

By Pastor Wisdom Ogbe

Love doesn’t die in a single tragedy; it fades slowly when the oxygen of admiration is cut off, allowing bitterness and neglect to quietly take root.

In the beginning, admiration is easy—it starts with the surface: their looks, their style, their charm. But as a relationship matures, true admiration must shift from the exterior to the interior: their effort, their commitment, their values, and their presence.

Yet, a common tragedy occurs when couples stop admiring each other after the honeymoon. That's where the problem—and the risk—begins.

💔 The Heartbreak of the Unseen Spouse

As a counselor, I've listened to countless stories from individuals who have betrayed their marriage vows. And almost every single case shares one devastating theme: They didn’t feel loved, valued, or admired by their spouse anymore.

They didn't always need material wealth; they needed emotional worth.

• They felt neglected.

• They felt unseen.

• They felt like silent roommates, not passionate lovers.

• They felt unimportant, and the foundational respect was gone.

Money cannot speak the words "I love you"—admiration does.

🌹 The Universal Desire: To Be Noticed

Every spouse, both men and women, possesses a deep, fundamental desire to be noticed.

When a woman dresses beautifully, she's not just wearing clothes—she is quietly asking, "Do you see me? Am I still good enough for you?" If her partner fails to notice, it feels like a painful rejection. A simple, sincere compliment can anchor her heart at home, while consistent neglect leaves the door ajar for the wrong kind of attention.

Ladies, your man needs this affirmation too! Compliment his efforts, appreciate his hard work, respect his leadership, and speak life into his identity. Your admiration builds his confidence more than any outside success can.

💡 Four Steps to Keep the Admiration Alive

Protecting your relationship requires daily, intentional effort. Use these steps to ensure your marriage remains a comfort zone, not a war front.

1. Compliment with Specificity

Don't just say "nice." Say: "I appreciate how hard you work for us," "I love the way you handled that situation," or "You still look absolutely amazing." Small compliments carry colossal weight.

2. Give Undivided Attention

Be present. Ask about their day—and truly listen. Many people enter marriage expecting companionship, only to still feel lonely because their partner is physically there but mentally absent. Don't let your spouse have to compete with your phone or television.

3. Honor and Respect is Mutual

Respect is the framework of love. It is not demanded; it is earned, shown, and reciprocated. Always honor your spouse in private and in public, especially when you disagree.

4. Use Sweet Words Regularly

Words can build or destroy a heart. Choose to build. If you fail to speak lovingly to your spouse, someone else might offer those words of affirmation—and that is a risk you must eliminate.

💍 The Marriage Mandate

It is easy to chase what looks good. But real love is choosing to see, value, and cherish the one you have already chosen—every single day.

Your spouse might not want to leave, but they might be driven out by feeling perpetually unseen. Let your consistent, intentional admiration be the oxygen that keeps your love not just surviving, but powerfully thriving.

Don't marry the admiration. Admire the one you married.

WOMEN ARE KNOWN FOR HOME BUILDING

The Secret Power: Why Your Home Rests on Your Heart

By Pastor Wisdom Ogbe

“A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” — Proverbs 14:1

Dear woman, you carry an incredible, divine power. This power is not just to nurture life, but to build homes, raise generations, and sustain peace. The entire strength and character of a family often lies in the heart of the woman.

The question is: How well are you building yours?

Life is busy—careers, parenting, and daily stress demand your energy. But after all that, you return to play your most vital role: the heartbeat of the house.

Let's examine the foundational pillars of your calling as a Home Builder.

🛠️ The Five Pillars of the Home Builder

1. 💗 Woman Spells MOTHER, Not MURDER

Being a mother is more than biology—it’s a commitment to nurture, protect, and sacrifice. Sadly, many homes are destroyed not by external enemies, but by internal forces: attitudes, misconduct, and neglect.

You have a choice: You can mother your home with love, patience, and unwavering care, or you can murder it with anger, disrespect, and unforgiveness. Choose to speak life into your house.

2. 🤝 Woman Spells HELPMATE, Not HEADMATE

Your role is not to rival your husband, but to powerfully complement him. You are called to be a support system, a source of balance, peace, and vision for your family.

Where men may lack patience or organization, a woman's strength shines through. Being a helpmate doesn’t signify weakness; it means you are powerful enough to lead without overpowering, to guide without controlling, and to love without condition.

3. ☮️ Woman Spells COMFORT, Not WAR FRONT

Men crave peace. After a long, stressful day, they do not want to return to a battlefield—they want to come home to comfort, understanding, and love.

Be the safe, sacred place your husband longs for. Greet him with joy, speak with grace, and become his lasting peace.

4. 😊 Woman is Known for JOYFUL SMILES

Your countenance sets the entire atmosphere of the home. Even when things are imperfect, your joy can become the fuel that lifts the entire family. Stay joyful, stay radiant—your light is desperately needed to drive out the darkness of daily stress.

5. 💞 Woman is Known for FORGIVENESS

To build a lasting home, you must be a master of forgiveness. Avoid dragging past issues into present conversations. Let go. Forgiveness is healing—for your soul, for your spouse, and for your home's foundation.

🛑 Choose Purpose Over Passion: The "Love at First Sat" Rule

We often chase what gives us butterflies, but butterflies fade and beauty changes. That is why we must replace "love at first sight" with "Love at First Sat."

Instead of merely falling in love based on emotion, sit down and reason through what you truly need in a lifelong partner.

Be careful what you're falling for:

Fails (Don't Build Here)

Lasts (Build Here)

Sex (It fades)

Character (It anchors)

Beauty (It changes)

Understanding (It connects)

Wealth (It comes and goes)

Faith (It sustains)

Love is not about finding a perfect person, but about loving an imperfect person perfectly. Build your love on purposeful character, not fleeting passion.

🙏 Final Word to the Home Builder

Dear woman, God has given you the greatest power to build. Choose to mother your marriage, be a loyal helpmate, and be a dedicated comforter. Smile, forgive, and love deeply.

May God lead you to your perfect match, and empower you to build a home that stands for generations. Amen.

💘 Why Love Built on Purpose Outlasts Love Built on Passion

By Wisdom Ogbe

In today's world, we are constantly encouraged to jump into relationships based on instant gratification—what we see on the outside: beauty, body, charm, or style. This is Love at First Sight, and while the butterflies are intoxicating, the truth is simple: Looks fade, and feelings change. If your foundation is only skin-deep, your love story may not survive the first storm of life.

💡 What is "Love at First Sit-Down?"

"Love at First Sit-Down" is the powerful decision to pause, step away from the emotion, and think before you commit. It is the crucial time you take to sit down with yourself, with God, and with the reality of your choice.

Before you fall, you must ask the foundational questions:

• Can I genuinely spend the rest of my life building with this person?

• Do our core values, goals, and spiritual journeys align?

• Will we grow stronger together when life throws us challenges?

Feelings are like the weather—warm today, cold tomorrow. Relationships built on emotion alone rarely stand the test of time because good decisions take time, honesty, and self-awareness.

❌ The Fatal Flaw of Shallow Love

The rush to relationship is often fueled by factors that cannot sustain a marriage:

• Sexual Attraction: It fades.

• Physical Appearance: It changes.

• Material Gain: It comes and goes.

When the shallow foundation collapses (when beauty fades or the money runs out), many move from one partner to the next, constantly searching for satisfaction they never find. Why? Because true love isn’t about what you can get; it’s about what you are willing to give.

✅ The Power of Lasting Love

It’s completely fine to be attracted to someone—but do not stop there. You must demand a deeper connection.

Before you commit, assess their ability to be a true life partner, not just a fleeting date:

• Does this person demonstrate genuine respect for me and others?

• Are they committed to standing with me when life gets tough?

• Do they possess the character required for true covenant?

Love is far more than an emotion—it’s a conscious, daily decision.

💬 Final Thoughts: Choose Your Foundation Wisely

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes work, wisdom, and a deliberate choice of foundation.

So before you fall, make sure you're falling into something real—not just what feels right in the moment.

Don’t chase love at first sight. Choose love that listens, learns, and lasts.

Choose Love at First Sit-Down.

The Five Pillars: A Guide for Men Who Truly Want to Win Her Heart

By Pastor Wisdom Ogbe

Building a healthy, lasting relationship requires more than romantic gestures and financial provision. It demands emotional intelligence, mutual respect, and consistent presence—not just physical, but mental and emotional presence.

If you are a man committed to forging an unbreakable bond with your partner, these essential principles will move you beyond the surface and into her heart.

👂 1. The Power of the Listening Ear

The most overlooked need of a woman is to be truly heard. Women are natural communicators; when she speaks, she is not just relaying information—she is opening a door into her heart. If you want to know her deeply, you must listen with empathy.

Stop what you are doing. Look her in the eyes. Be present.

🔑 The more you listen, the more she reveals—her fears, her dreams, and her heart. Listening is one of the most romantic things a man can do.

🤝 2. Partner, Don't Dominate: Abandon the Boss Mentality

Many men fall into the trap of confusing "leadership" with "domination." But a relationship is not a military structure; it is a sacred partnership.

Your woman doesn't want a dictator; she wants a partner who respects her opinion and values her insight. Insisting on being right or having the final say simply builds walls.

A healthy relationship is built on mutual understanding, not control. Let her share in decisions, encourage her ideas, and celebrate her wisdom. The more respected she feels, the deeper her trust and admiration will grow.

🏡 3. Be Her Refuge: Offer a Welcoming Heart

A woman thrives in an environment where she feels unconditionally safe—not just physically, but emotionally. You must ask yourself:

• Can she be vulnerable with you without fear of judgment?

• Can she share her deepest worries without being dismissed or criticized?

A man’s heart should be her refuge, not her battlefield. Make your love a place of absolute peace. Let her know she is accepted, flaws and all, and you will become the one place on earth she always longs to return to.

⏳ 4. Give Her Your Presence, Not Just Your Proximity

You can be busy and physically in the room, yet remain emotionally absent. That absence is far more damaging than you think.

Your partner doesn't just want you nearby; she wants your focused energy, your time, and your attention.

💬 When you dedicate your time to her—going on walks, helping in the kitchen, or just sitting to truly chat—you are saying: 'You matter.'

Don't treat connection as a weekend chore. Make focused attention a daily, desired priority.

🗣️ 5. Define the Relationship Through Conflict (The Right Way)

Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it defines the strength and character of your bond.

• Don't shut down.

• Don't explode.

• Don't involve outsiders.

Instead, talk calmly, listen actively, and apologize sincerely when you are wrong. Focus always on resolution, not on winning the argument.

❤️ A strong man is not the one who wins every debate, but the one who protects the peace and safety of his relationship.

Final Commandment

Building a healthy relationship is not about being flawless; it is about being intentional.

• Be present, not just physically.

• Be supportive, not controlling.

• Be gentle, even when you are leading.

• Be humble, even when you are right.

In return, you will earn her enduring love, her complete trust, and her deepest, lifelong loyalty.