Photo by Kaylie Tanella
Photo by Kaylie Tanella
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Finding the Right Words
Finding the Right Words
by Gianna Avenoso
by Gianna Avenoso
Words
Words
I struggle to find the right words
I struggle to find the right words
I scramble to collect the correct words, the best words for the moment
I scramble to collect the correct words, the best words for the moment
I try… and I try
I try… and I try
But ultimately… fail
But ultimately… fail
I freeze...
I freeze...
I pause just to reveal a stutter
I pause just to reveal a stutter
A stutter of incorrect words that lead me down a hole
A stutter of incorrect words that lead me down a hole
A hole of word vomit… inescapable humiliation
A hole of word vomit… inescapable humiliation
In reality it could be just a slight mistake forgot in a short time
In reality it could be just a slight mistake forgot in a short time
But my mind says otherwise.
But my mind says otherwise.
I struggle to find the right words.
I struggle to find the right words.
I struggle to find my voice
I struggle to find my voice
I struggle to make the right choice,
I struggle to make the right choice,
From yes or no to right or wrong
From yes or no to right or wrong
I scramble to collect the correct voice, the normal voice
I scramble to collect the correct voice, the normal voice
A voice that wouldn’t offend or descend into uniqueness
A voice that wouldn’t offend or descend into uniqueness
A following voice
A following voice
But once again I try… and try
But once again I try… and try
But the truth finds its way to seep through the cracks
But the truth finds its way to seep through the cracks
Once it does, I find my way back to the hole
Once it does, I find my way back to the hole
The inescapable hole
The inescapable hole
I struggle to find the right voice.
I struggle to find the right voice.
I struggle to find the right image
I struggle to find the right image
A vision that imprisons me to follow the status quo
A vision that imprisons me to follow the status quo
The picture perfect look that portrays the best of me
The picture perfect look that portrays the best of me
I scramble to collect the correct image, the so called “normal look”
I scramble to collect the correct image, the so called “normal look”
An image that projects that I am okay
An image that projects that I am okay
But am I… is the question that I can never fully answer…
But am I… is the question that I can never fully answer…
Or understand…
Or understand…
Cause you see, it’s easy to obey, it’s hard to pretend
Cause you see, it’s easy to obey, it’s hard to pretend
The truth is, I’ve pretended so much that I have no idea who I really am
The truth is, I’ve pretended so much that I have no idea who I really am
I’ve spent hours practicing my smile in the mirror
I’ve spent hours practicing my smile in the mirror
Days pondering on the best comebacks to say
Days pondering on the best comebacks to say
And my entire life creating a voice that isn’t truly me
And my entire life creating a voice that isn’t truly me
I don’t know which words, voice or image is rightfully mine
I don’t know which words, voice or image is rightfully mine
That’s why I’m in the hole
That’s why I’m in the hole
A hole that used to be inescapable, but now not so impossible
A hole that used to be inescapable, but now not so impossible
I just need to find my image, my voice, my words
I just need to find my image, my voice, my words
I don’t think I’ll ever find the “right thing”
I don’t think I’ll ever find the “right thing”
But now I’m understanding there is no right thing,
But now I’m understanding there is no right thing,
Only my thing…
Only my thing…
No more pretending or obeying
No more pretending or obeying
No more right or wrong
No more right or wrong
No more perfect
No more perfect
No more normal
No more normal
Just me
Just me
For now on and always...
For now on and always...
I struggle to find the right words
I struggle to find the right words
Photo by Joey Iozzi
Photo by Joey Iozzi
Every Step Of The Way
Every Step Of The Way
By Gabby Argento
By Gabby Argento
You found me sitting at the bottom of the
You found me sitting at the bottom of the
stairs,
stairs,
Frightened, uneasy, and alone.
Frightened, uneasy, and alone.
And that's when you stuck your hand out,
And that's when you stuck your hand out,
Waiting for me to take it.
Waiting for me to take it.
You wanted me to trust you
You wanted me to trust you
And for whatever reason I did.
And for whatever reason I did.
There was something in your voice,
There was something in your voice,
Your eyes,
Your eyes,
Your demeanor that made me trust you.
Your demeanor that made me trust you.
So I grabbed your hand
So I grabbed your hand
And with both feet we began to descend up
And with both feet we began to descend up
the steps,
the steps,
Together.
Together.
Our eyes never losing focus of each others,
Our eyes never losing focus of each others,
And with every step I trusted you more,
And with every step I trusted you more,
And more,
And more,
And more,
And more,
Until we reached the top of the staircase.
Until we reached the top of the staircase.
I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't believe it.
I couldn't believe I made it this high,
I couldn't believe I made it this high,
It's been so long.
It's been so long.
But as I turned around to celebrate with
But as I turned around to celebrate with
you,
you,
You shot me a look of manipulation.
You shot me a look of manipulation.
That trust that was there before, was gone.
That trust that was there before, was gone.
And before I knew it,
And before I knew it,
I began to lose my balance.
I began to lose my balance.
And once again I found myself right back
And once again I found myself right back
down
down
at the bottom of the stairs.
at the bottom of the stairs.
But this time as I looked up,
But this time as I looked up,
I saw you climbing up every step higher
I saw you climbing up every step higher
and higher,
and higher,
Without me.
Without me.
Photo by Joey Iozzi
Photo by Joey Iozzi
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