So You've Been Called Out/In: Now What?

This is the part of learning to lean into discomfort to unlearn behavior(s) that uphold white supremacy and racism. As white people who are doing this work pretty consistently we recognize that being born into a racist, white supremacist society racism informs a lot of what we do in ways we are not aware of. Ijeoma Oluo speaks to this in her book So You Want to Talk About Race in the chapter 'I just got called racist, what do I do now?' In response to being called out or in Oluo says, this "is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, to see yourself and your actions more clearly, so you can move toward the person you truly want to be."

Your white accountability partner can help you process these moments and then set up a plan of action to be better next time -- knowing that there will be many next times.

If you have not done so already, find a Black owned bookstore and purchase Ijeoma Oluo's book So You Want to Talk About Race. Read the whole book, but to think specifically and reflect upon with your partner what to do if you've been called in or out, read chapter sixteen. In the chapter, 'I just got called racist, what do I do now?' Oluo gives some tips for ways to do the work.

In addition to Oluo's book, you and your partner can unpack being called in or out with this discussion protocol we adapted from Robin DiAngelo's book White Fragility. DiAngelo speaks to a common white response to being called in or out, which is white fragility. These behaviors can include defensiveness, crying, arguing, and withdrawing. White fragility upholds white supremacy, maintains white solidarity, and protects white privilege. We as white people must build our stamina to unlearn racist behaviors. DiAngelo states, "An antidote to white fragility is to build up our stamina to bear witness to the pain of racism we cause, not to impose, conditions that require people of color to continually validate our denial."

Utilize the discussion protocol with your partner. After processing, make a plan, and do it. Revisit the plan with your partner to ensure you are being held accountable.