Visit The Humboldt Reflections! Today!

The Humboldt Reflections! is the greatest aquatic exhibit on the East Coast, a unique exploration of a unique vessel lost at sea nearly a century ago. Funkorp™ offers a tour experience like no other, allowing visitors to view a slice of history through the Humboldt's unique Reflection phenomenon! We cannot emphasize enough how much your interest in our attraction, The Humboldt Reflections!, excites us. We are endlessly thrilled to have you on location pending payment, and hope you enjoy your visit to our exhibit. The Humboldt eagerly awaits your arrival.

• For safety reasons, our tours are very strictly regimented, entering the vessel every fifteen minutes and following the same route, returning to the surface exactly thirty minutes later. All guests must be PADI certified SCUBA divers and have completed a CPR training course. Our staff are all trained EMTs, licensed boat and submarine pilots, and sworn-in priests. Rabbis are available upon request.

• We ask that customers do not bring their own gear, as the vast majority of wetsuits, tanks, and goggles are not regulated for the water quality around the Humboldt. All of our gear is coated with a unique anti-corrosion sealant in order to stand up to the hazardous materials present in the cove, as well as lead insets to protect from any adverse radiation effects. 

• In case of emergency, the Mini-Sub is programmed to return to the surface intact, if possible, and jettison the passenger compartment if necessary, keeping the rest of the vessel intact for re-use.

• Children, the mentally ill, those with digestive or blood disorders, those with a history of smoking or cancer, pregnant persons and those who possess extra-sensory perception or are otherwise sensitive to electromagnetic ley lines should consult a physician before attending The Humboldt Reflections!

• Please be aware that The Humboldt Reflections! includes realistic depictions of nudity, violence, dismemberment, occult imagery, and self-harm. 

• Full refunds are available up to a week in advance of your tour.

The Humboldt is one of the most interesting history exhibits in North America, the peculiar tale of its origin and use providing substantial and intriguing context to what you will see on your tour.

In the 1950s, submarines went nuclear! The USS Nautilus, first fielded in 1955, used the new technology of nuclear reactors to provide unparalleled speed and operational range. This was of great interest to the United States Navy, and of even greater interest to Lucinda von Sochocky, an eccentric radium heiress with a passing interest in the maritime and a consistent interest in nuclear power. She’d commissioned William Saveut, a prominent shipwright, to construct a personal submarine, powered by a reactor and with space for three dozen personal crew members as well as every amenity a rich young woman could ask for. It was a luxurious work of art, particularly against the gray, tube-shaped submarines of the time.

People often marveled at how Saveut, by all accounts a mediocre shipwright, had managed to design such a beautiful and functional submarine with his lack of sub-surface expertise, and even now engineers debate if his designs could actually have been functional. The more superstitious in the engineering community had long suspected strange, extraterrestrial metals or bizarre, occult rituals as being responsible for the suspicious structural integrity of the Humboldt.

But against all odds, it held. It held for eight long, luxurious voyages, Lucinda and her rich friends taking the sub all up and down the east coast many times across eight trips in two years. But on its ninth voyage, carrying 29 passengers and crew, the Humboldt disappeared, and it took a full nine years for divers to locate the wreckage of the sub. None of the passengers or crew were still alive, and the sub itself became home to a curious phenomenon known today as The Humboldt Reflections!, in which the final hours of the sub and its inhabitants seem to play over and over in a strange translucent time loop. The submarine has been in Funkorp’s hands ever since, and is a prominent tourist attraction and cultural site.

• After your arrival at the top of the hour, give your pre-signed waiver to Jane the Receptionist at the desk, and she will help your party get suited up in drysuits and oxygen gear. 

•  You will also be given a single Ephemerality Projector, a device similar to a flashlight that you clip to your chest. The purpose of these devices is to allow each Reflection to loop independently of each other. When the Reflections were first discovered, all 25 would play in chronological order over the course of three hours, presumably the equivalent to how long the Humboldt’s fall took in real time, before starting over again from Reflection #1. The development of the Projectors allow you to view each scene at the pace of the tour group, and play the same one multiple times in a row for better examination and analysis.

• At a quarter after, your group of 8-10 people, plus three guides, will board the Funkorp Mini-Submarine™ and begin your taxi to the Humboldt.

• At hour thirty, your group will reach the ocean floor, and the Mini-Sub will dock at the Funkorp Airlock we’ve attached to the Humboldt. Once the party has entered the airlock, it will fill with water, pressurizing to match the surrounding ocean and the flooded submarine. At that point, the bottom hatch of the airlock will open, and your tour will begin!

• The tour will conclude a little before the next hour thirty, at which time your group will re-board the submarine and be back to the surface by fifteen till, ready for the next group.