The last time I saw your face, the day was calm. A very strong silence reached the air loud enough to hear a pin drop. The blaring noise of my mother’s ringtone lifted me quickly out of my seat. You were calling full of life from your hospital bed, and I could feel nothing but excitement. We talked and laughed about your beard resembling Santa Claus, and for those few minutes, I felt like everything was going to be okay. The last time I saw your face, we promised each other that we’d never take our time for granted again. I imagined you coming back home, us having an enormous feast as a family, and laughing until our stomachs caved in. Helping me plan my graduation and making sly comments about me being old. I wish that I were able to see your face during those times. Knowing that was the last time I would see you, I wish I had said more, asked more questions, laughed more. Instead, you are a memory I carry with me every day. Missing the constant nagging, Marvel movie marathons, and restaurant runs a little extra this week. The last time I saw your face was March 3rd, 2022, and I miss you more and more every day.
Love, your Granddaughter
In a sense, my grandfather raised me in many ways and sometimes I took that for granted. I personally wasn’t given the opportunities that other children were blessed with because my parents were young when having me and had little to no idea what they were doing. My grandfather made it his personal business to make sure I had everything I needed to be successful while also ensuring that I wanted for nothing. Aside from materialistic wants, my grandfather raised me to be knowledgeable about any subject that was presented to me because he knew that as an African American woman, I would always have to be ten steps ahead of the curve. “He received his Master of Divinity degree from Yale University and his Doctorate of Ministry Degree from Southern Methodist University while also being the proud recipient of two honorary degrees.
He was fortunate enough to be able to teach and preach in 41 of the fifty states and 3 different continents. The amount of knowledge he was able to gather and instill in myself and my family members is something I am fortunate to be able to experience and one of the many things I deeply miss about him. My love for music, cinematography, and the eagerness to learn all stem from the conversations and experiences we shared throughout my time with him. Bonding over Marvel movies and silly shows like Love and Hip Hop are memories I hold near and dear to my heart and wish I had the power to make more.
Circling back to education, one of the many reasons I chose this program is because of him. In 1999, my grandfather was elected to the board of trustees for the HCC system. He was elected to represent District 4, which was the most ethnically diverse district in the system. He served on the board chair on two separate occasions and was honored with a scholarship in his name in 2011 upon his retirement, and was given HCC’s Lifetime Achievement Award in 2012. Without him, I wouldn’t have thought to attend this school. He didn’t make it long enough to see me attend the school he put so much time and effort into, nor will he see me graduate in the flesh. However, I know spiritually that he has seen every step that I have taken throughout the years, and I pray he is proud of the woman I am becoming. The number of times I’ve wished to speak with him over the past four years is unimaginable, and the number of tears I’ve cried could fill several lakes. Even while writing this excerpt, it is hard to come to terms with having to see your face one last time. Having to say goodbye in the flesh to somebody you spent the last 18 years waking up to, someone who prayed for you every day before you went to school, and somebody who promised you the world before you were born, is a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and a love I wish everyone had the privilege of experiencing.
The current events taking place in our world make me even more eager to have a conversation with him. Between the war, ICE raids, and the files released involving our current president, I know he would have many different opinions on the issues we are facing today. I am glad I’ve had the privilege of being loved unconditionally. To be able to experience life in ways most people don’t get the privilege to, and to have someone rooting for your success before you’ve even spoken your first words. Since his passing, my life has changed in more ways than one. Instead of walking into my mother’s room, I have to drive 4 hours to see how she’s doing. Rather than cooking with my grandmother, I have to call her and ask for her recipes. As much as I wish I could change my situation, the hardships I’ve faced have helped mold me into the person I am today. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my papa, but I am grateful that the last time I saw his face was a memorable moment, and for that, I will never take anything for granted again.
Works Cited
Williams, Michael P. “Dr. Michael P. Williams Victory Community Church," https://www.everythingvictory.org/michael-p-williams
Courtney McCullar is a student at Houston City College majoring in Health Sciences.