Sometimes if feel like a lost soul, looking for an exit and other moments I feel like I have found the exit, but not quite yet. The secret to happiness? These experts say it’s feeling loved by others. I can identify with this article because all my childhood was very difficult for me. Loneliness is an adaptive emotion (Reis).
My mental health has always fought with me. Every day was a day of survival, Learning how be stronger and not to break. I had always felt like I did not matter. What was my purpose in life? It felt like a curse that never ended. I became isolated avoiding every person in my social life. I always tried to please everybody in my life although it was so draining to me because no matter what I did, I just felt unwanted. I felt like I was trash. “We think that to be loved, to feel loved we need to make ourselves more lovable. “I just need to show them how wonderful I am and hide my shortcomings.” (Lyubomirsky).
I always taught that my father was always absent. Perhaps it was because of he’s negative childhood. He always said” My time is gold” or “I am to tired”. I always tried to understand him and show him love, He always told me I was special, but he did not make me feel like it. I felt ghosted with a ball in my throat that could not be swallowed. Was there a way out? I wondered?
Reading the article helped me understand that depression is not just a thing is more than that. Depression means needing of love, social life and keeping your mind busy in activities. In the article “The Secret to Happiness’ also explains that other people tend to get involved with substances.“Why would people want to harm themselves knowing the long-term effect of substance abuse from looking at other people like such as like the homeless?” “What is the thought’s that lead you to this substance?
I always had a hard time making friends, I always kept my self to my own shell because that how a protected my self from others hurting me like people in my past life. I never knew who I could trust, at times I did meat new people that did not bring positivity in my life. At one point the kids from school did offer substances, but it was like god was controlling my thinking, it was like he was guiding me in a way that I did not know at the time. My process thinking as a teenager was always to not get influenced with people that would not bring anything positive in my life and if they ever did offer any substances I would say no because I know I could change my life and it was up to me to be better and find my purpose in life despite all the troubles I was going through at the moment.
Once I was older I traveled to el Salvador and met my uncle, he’s past reminded me of my father, Except my uncle had changed, they both did negative similar things like drinking, drugs and even abused of their wife’s, Maybe my grandfather had been that way and maybe it all came from generations, not knowing how to properly give love and understand, I have started to see that allot in the Latin American culture. depression for Hispanics is no such thing. You just keep moving forward. On the article Childhood trauma Doesn’t have to be a life course by Rochelle Sharpe states “We heal through relationships. That’s how we really make change” “Those who had the most positive childhood experiences were 72 percent less likely to suffer from poor mental health than those who had the fewest.” (Rochelle Sharpe).
My first time traveling, every year my father would promise me to plan a trip to El Salvador together. Every year I would wait and wait. Every year in January I would know the that sentence that would be slipping out of my fathers’ mouth. Every year was a fun trip in my mind. I closed my eyes and see that tall chestnut-Brown mountains. Tasting Pupusas in my mouth, I could see the cheese dripping from the Pupusa and taste my mouth turning into water. My mouth was having a party inside,After so long, that day finally arrived.
My stomach felt funny. My body was tingly. I had arrived at the humongous airport. I could hear the wheels from the suitcase rolling the floors. I could see people walking to their gate numbers. Passing the TSA line. Workers seemed terribly angry, like they hated their job. I feared of getting lost, finally I found my gate number F13 and there it was. I could see a big airplane waiting for me to step a foot in it, as the airplane went up my ears clogged. The airplane shaking getting on its balanced position, I could see the white clouds and looking down, I see the city banished away.
After three hours and a whole life time, I finally stepped foot in el Salvador. Finally, I have found the other part of me. I felt like walking on a pageant, exiting the doors. The humidity frizzed my curls and felt like walking into an oven. Tall green palms surrounding me. My heart was jumping out of excitement. I finally get to meat my family. I felt like I always belonged there in the first place.
I always would hear how El Salvador was a dangerous country because of the gang members and all these different violent stories. Gang members originated from his los Angeles between 1980 and 1992., which was the Salvadorian Civil War. Entire families, young people and both army and guerilla deserters where in the Civil War. This gangs originated as self-defense groups defending the Latino community. In the 90s. The U.S Started deporting gang members back to El Salvador.
The National police force was barley forming. It was born in 1992. The absence of any type of the government programs led to young people living in state of abandon a predatory logic started gaining around: Killing became easy and also extorting. In March 2022 the regimen of exception was initiated by the president Nayib Bukele in response of a brutal massacre. It was known that the gang MS13 and the 18 where opponents, Past historical events from my family said they could not cross over to the block on the turn because it would be the opponent street. Just by crossing the line you would get killed and they would ask what was the reason on why you werecrossing to their territory. A reasonable explanation would have to be given in order not to get killed. If you fell asleep in the bus and got to the wrong street you would get killed.
Woman would also get raped just by passing the street and also would get killed. Male and Females would be killed alive with machetes and the body parts would be found buried, even Babies to little kids where murdered brutally without any mercy. Bodies were also tossed in sowers and their bodies would not be found until years later. All gang members are now in a prison call CECOT located in Tecoluca El Salvador, they are not allowed to have any visitors. Lights are never turned off, don’t have any beds or blankets. It has been seen on interviews that some gang members don’t have any repentance, some even said it was like an addiction to kill and was satisfying for them. They sleep on a hard mattress and their everyday meals are beans with tortillas, they are also not allowed to speak. Until todays date families are awaiting to at least find at least the bones of the love one to have closure.
Writing this piece made me feel proud of how far my parents have become and how now people love to travel to El Salvador because is one of the safest countries so far. It really upsets me how my family had to experience this type of violence and also how thousands of people who were innocent died. It also makes me reflect on how I am grateful to be born in the U.S and that because of them I did not have to experience the tragedy. I am happy to say that I was able to travel to El Salvador and not feel fear. My favorite memory was to see the big brown dark volcano in San Miguel and the rural areas with people selling various foods, my favorite refresher was the fresh coconut water, and also felt the blue mad waves around my body. The beautiful moon shinning in my face and the air passing through my face as sand got trapped in my feet, but the sand was different from that sand that I have known my whole life in Houston. It feels like I had my feet in a bowl of baby powder, very soft and soothing.
Work cited
Penman, Maggie. “The Secret to Happiness? These Experts Say It’s Feeling Loved by Others.” Washingtonpost.Com, www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2026/02/12/secret-happiness-feeling-loved/. Accessed 7 Mar. 2026.
Reina Hernandez is a student at Houston Community College, majoring in Nursing