We are all broken...

We all carry scars...things that have impacted us in ways that we often don't realize until some time has passed...

For a long time, I masked my scars behind a smile & pushed forward through life's challenges hoping that no one would figure out that I couldn't always live up to their expectations...

I spent my days focused on others, while secretly hoping that no one would discover my faults...

That was all until Cancer unexpectedly turned my life upside down...

Over the course of the last 10 years, I watched my grandparents lose their battles with Cancer, watched my Dad successfully navigate two different Cancer issues & lost my Mother unexpectedly to Cancer 1 week after she was diagnosed...

A little over 2 years ago, I found out through genetic testing that I am susceptible to multiple Cancers & will have to be screened frequently for the reminder of my life...

For quite some time, this diagnosis rattled me to the core...Not only did I carry this feeling of brokenness, but I had to come to terms with the idea that many of the things that I had envisioned for my life would not look the same...

I have wrestled with my Faith & so many questions...While I know that this knowledge could be life saving, in many ways, it scares me... Although I know that I am so blessed because my challenges are not near what others face, I often ask God "Why me?"...I am afraid that I will not have the strength necessary to endure these potential trials...

This summer, I chose to have thyroid surgery as a preventative measure & it turned out that Cancer was present...Something that, a few years ago, I would have never imagined having to deal with at this point in my life...I am extremely fortunate that they believe that it was all removed in the procedure & I will hopefully not require any further treatment...

Please don't misunderstand me. I know that my situation is minor compared to the challenges others have to endure & for that, I am truly grateful...

However, I now carry a physical scar...a visible reminder of my brokenness...

Throughout this time, I have seen God working...While my questions are many & I do not always understand His plan, I have grown a lot in my Faith during this journey...

In the midst of the struggles, I am reminded that Jesus loves me in the middle of my mess...That during whatever trials I face, He walks beside me...

I am gradually learning to embrace the beautiful brokenness that makes my journey unique & I pray that God can use this for His good...

While I continue to be a work in progress, I have determined that rather than hiding my scars, I want to learn to embrace them...so I smile, not to hide, but to show those around me that joy can exist in the midst of the struggles...

It took me awhile to decide whether or not to share my situation, but I am hopeful that reading it will help others who are walking that difficult road with learning to embrace their beautiful brokenness...