True Love; Don't Regret

TL;DR

Commonly used as an abbreviation for "too long; didn't read," we've re-purposed this to stand for "true love; don't regret." We hope that if you take away one thing from our story, it's that we're committed to loving each other without regrets. Ellie's gender transition has changed our life together, and change takes work, but it is a work of healing and life.

Why tell our story?

Our marriage, like Ellie's gender identity, is now both a very private part of our lives and a very real source of public curiosity. This can leave us feeling ambivalent: maybe we want to be seen for who we are, or maybe we just want to get on with life and escape scrutiny. Why not try to live quietly and pass unnoticed?

There is a world of pain in the lives of sex and gender minorities, from the extreme of harassment, rejection, abuse, and suicidal ideation, to the daily struggle to understand one's feelings, navigate public spaces, and find community. Being an invisible minority can be incredibly isolating. The Good Samaritan couldn't change everything for the injured man, but he understood rejection and did what he could to help.

Sex & Gender Minorities 101

SGM or LGBTQIA: Sex & Gender Minorities include lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual persons.

Sex: Typically assigned at birth as male or female, sex is marked by bodily characteristics such as chromosomes, hormones, reproductive anatomy, and secondary sex features. For intersex persons (estimated at up to 1.7% of the population), these features are atypical/indeterminate.

Orientation: Typically heterosexual (towards the other sex), orientation refers to one’s social/emotional/erotic attractions. An estimated 10% of women and 5% of men have a minority orientation. Homosexual persons (gays and lesbians) are primarily attracted to the same sex, bisexual persons to same and different sexes, and asexual persons do not experience attraction.

Gender: Typically man or woman (boy or girl), one’s gender identity is understood and experienced in relation to societal expectations, standards, behaviors, and characteristics. For cisgender persons, gender and sex match; for transgender persons (estimated at 1 in 250 persons), sex and gender do not match, and the negative experience of this incongruity is known as gender dysphoria.

Gender expression varies from person to person and is typically characterized as masculine or feminine, or in some cases gender neutral. Some persons experience their gender identity/expression as falling outside the categories of man and woman and prefer terms such as non-binary or genderqueer.

Where we're coming from

We've spent the last ten years in the Evangelical Covenant Church, finding in its Pietism a haven from our more fundamentalist upbringings. We do our best to read scripture carefully, with study and a sensitivity to cultural context. We also speak from a strong education in the liberal arts tradition, including a PhD in philosophy for Liz. We do our best to understand others' ideas and respect their discernment, hoping that we will be granted the same respect in turn.

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