Editor: Xenophilius Lovegood
Published August 6, 2020
Erumpent Explosion
On Tuesday, August 4th, a massive explosion shook Beirut: the capital of Lebanon. There were over two hundred wizards and Muggles killed at the site and thousands injured. While Muggles have elaborate details, they cannot seem to confirm what caused the blast. The Ministry of Magic is currently working on an alibi for them; meanwhile, the wizarding world knows — or soon will know — the precise cause of the explosion.
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"The Erumpent is a huge magical beast, and it resembles what Muggles would call a 'rhinoceros'. It has a thick hide, shielding it from moderate jinxes and curses. And they have a single long horn, its fatal weapon. The deadly horn contains a substance allowing it to explode," says Hermione Granger stoutly. "The evidence is there, the Ministry found the horn split in two in the heart of the explosion. It is not a theory, it must be true."
Ministry officials seem to agree with Granger's statement. They think they've seen enough evidence to be sure that the Erumpents were the cause of the explosion in Beirut. But is there?
After all, we must ask ourselves how did an Erumpent get itself into Lebanon? This highly fascinating creature — though not as fascinating as Blibbering Humdingers — is native to Africa. So if we were to take Granger's theory, why would the Erumpets be sighted in Europe?
"Recently, there have been Erumpents on the loose," says Cornelius Fudge, the retired Minister (who, by the way, has an army of heliopaths, so he's one to talk!) "We've been expecting something like this to happen for a while. Lebanon is not far from Africa's borders, and the Erumpents travel quickly through water."
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While the Quibbler appreciates the viewpoints held by the Ministry, we have another theory to offer. Perhaps the Erumpent was not responsible for the explosion... after all, the famous Crumple-Horned Snorkack has a similar structured horn. What's more, the Snorkack has been sighted before in all different parts of Europe, therefore it is more likely to have made an appearance in Lebanon. The horn of the Snorkack is one of the most magical and marvelous distinctions. We should mourn the loss of this Snorkack, for they are already so close to extinction. The explosion may have been provoked by the intense heat — over eighty degrees for the Snorkack is far too much for them to bear. Of course, that is why they remain in the northern parts of Europe. However, this particular one may have strayed too far from its homeland — besides, it's more likely than the Erumpent's appearance in Europe.
Meanwhile, the Erumpent remains as the source of the explosion, and Muggles stubbornly refuse to see the magical properties involved. Perhaps one day, the Quibbler's theories will be taken more seriously into account.
Hermione Granger: To all of you who are reading this, I can assure you that it was the Erumpent.
Luna Lovegood: Hermione, you are mistaken. The pink tinted smoke is a clear sign of the Snorkack's presence. Daddy and I have a Snorkack horn in our house.
Hermione Granger: Luna, you need to get rid of that! It's highly explosive! Your house could explode!!!
Luna Lovegood: No! It's so valuable and rare. Daddy found it in Sweden. I'm so proud of him.
Cornelius Fudge: I have an army of helio- whats?
QUIBBLER SCRIBBLER: BOOM... feel bad for people who died :(
Join the conversation and add your OWN comment!!
If it wasn't obvious enough, this article relates to the explosion in Beirut, Lebanon. The details in the article relating to the "Muggle version" of events are true, but the rest is fictional. I can guarantee you that neither the Erumpent or Crumple-Horned Snorkack was responsible for the unfortunate event. However, their people have been suffering, and thousands have been afflicted by the unexpected blast.