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What is the Split Attraction Model?
What is the Split Attraction Model?
The Split Attraction Model (SAM) is a model of viewing attraction, sexuality, and relationships in a way that categorizes and analyses the difference between romance, sexual attraction, and other types of attraction. It was popularized in the 90s with the recognition of asexual and aromantic people, in order to better represent the way that asexual and aromantic people experience different forms of attraction.
While there is no set moment in history when this model was created, German author Karl Heinrich Ulrichs was studying the queer community and by 1879 had written twelve books on the subject of love, attraction, and LGBTQ+ people. The terminology was different, but Ulrichs was able to separate romantic and sexual attraction as a part of his studies. The creation of the terms asexual and aromantic in the 90s spurred the further development and popularity of the split attraction model.
There is some controversy around the model, as many it believe it to be unnecessarily divisive and complicated, or believe that it further sexualizes the already-objectified community. Its important to understand that this is simply a model, or a theory, that can be used to understand the self or understand others, You can use it if it helps, or leave it behind if its too complicated.
Types of Attraction
Types of Attraction
If you're like me, categorization and labels can be incredibly useful for understanding the world and understanding yourself. I spent quite a long time in high school breaking apart my sexual and romantic attractions and finding different ways of categorizing them, and I found it extremely valuable to helping me understand the complexities of attraction. This is not a sustainable long-term way of labeling oneself, but the use of and understanding of split attracting might help you better understand the way your mind works and why you feel certain ways about others.
Sexual Attraction: This is the most well-known type of attraction. It develops around the beginning of puberty, and describes the feeling of desire to touch and have sex with someone.
Romantic Attraction: This is the desire to be romantic with someone, without the presence of sex. This might include the desire to kiss or hold someone, take them on a date, cohabitate, get married, have or raise children together, etc. You want a romantic relationship with them.
Physical/Sensual Attraction: This type of attraction can be felt towards anyone that you desire comfort or physical, non-sexual attention from. This can include friends, family, siblings, or significant others. You might want a hug, to cuddle, or to hold hands with someone you care about and feel safe and comfortable with. The desire for these things is a type of physical attraction.
Emotional Attraction: This is the desire to have some type of intimate emotional connection with someone, be it a friend, family, or significant other. Emotional attraction can include sharing secrets, confiding painful emotions, sharing joy and excitement, having deep and insightful conversations, or involving in your process of dealing with pain or trauma. Some may categorize the desire for intellectual connection, such as deep discussion about complex topics, to be a separate form of intellectual attraction.
Aesthetic Attraction: This is simply the feeling you have when you see someone that you think looks good.
Asexual vs Aromantic
Asexual vs Aromantic
Using the different concepts of sexual and romantic attractions, ace and aro people are able to identify these parts of themselves and still express the other forms of attraction they may experience.
Asexual people do not experience sexual attraction. They can still have sex, enjoy sex, or have a sexual SO, but they do not experience the feeling of attraction associated with sexual orientations.
Aromantic people can experience sexual attraction, but lack romantic attraction. They can still have and enjoy a romantic partner, but they lack the actual attraction towards a person that creates the desire for fulfillment through romance.
A person who is both aromantic and asexual is called aroace, and may or may not desire to have some form of sexual, romantic, or otherwise exclusive relationship with another person or people. An exclusive relationship that is neither romantic or sexual is called a Queer Platonic Relationship or QPR.
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