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Article by Clara Cullen 8b (18.06.2026)
In the last decade, people online have been talking and discussing one specific subsect of the queer community. The reason for this being that this group has been causing unrest within the community and have sparked debate over conformity and labels. They have created online chat forums and groups to talk with one another, share their ideologies, and have been dubbed the ‘Pick-me-gays’ by the internet.
To first understand the term, you must know what a pick me is defined as. “Pick-me (or pick me) is a slang term for a person, usually a young woman, seen as behaving in a contemptible way for attention and approval, usually from male peers.” This is the definition provided by the Merriam Webster dictionary.
Instead of the example that the internet definition uses (A woman seeking male validation), the ‘Pick me gay’ typically depicts a queer person seeking the validation of straight/cis and mostly right wing conservatives.
The pick me gays follow the same formula as the pick me girls. They claim to be ‘not like the other gays’, often reducing their own community down to stereotypes.
The first issue with the ‘Pick-me-gays’ is that they actively allienate themselves from the rest of the community. The average male ‘Pick-me-gay’can be found on the ‘Alpha-male’ and ‘Manosphere’ side of the internet. These websites are a cesspool of men who for one reason or another have come to the conclusion that they are superior to women.
Unfortunately, like so many straight/cis men these gays have been fed the same stereotypes and misogynistic propaganda. Sadly, this usually leads to these male ‘Pick-me-gays’ discriminating their own community along with the right-wing men in order to compensate for what most perceive to be their biggest flaw.
This issue is of course also prevalent in many other parts of the queer community. Many lesbian women rebuke the title of ‘Lesbian’, behaving prejudiced against any other lesbians that are deemed too ‘unconformative’.
An example of this is Alice Weidel, far-right politician and a co-chairwoman of the AFD political party.
Weidel has been married to Sarah Bossard, who is a woman, for 17 years as of writing this. Though in interviews she has stated “Ich bin nicht queer, sondern Ich bin mit einer Frau verheiratet die ich seit zwanzig Jahre kenne.”
This is just another example of a classic ‘Pick-me-gay’. Alice Weidel is a woman married to another woman, yet she still supports and actively participates in the oppression of her own community. She is a ‘Pick-me-gay’ on one of the biggest scales.
So it seems while this subsect of the queer community appears harmless to anyone but themselves, they actually can and have had a dangerous impact. Just because a technically queer politician has been put into power doesn’t mean that the queer community they govern is automatically safe.
Furthermore, what these ‘Pick me gays’ dont realise is that they are being influenced by a bigger system that not nearly enough people are educated on, namely ‘Divide and Conquer’.
‘Divide and Conquer’ is a political tactic often used by the far right. It works to divide specific communities, making them turn against each other so that the political party can take control of the country more smoothly. “Je schlechter es Deutschland geht, desto besser für die AFD.” This is a quote from AFD-Ex-Pressesprecher Christian Lüth.
This tactic is built on the hate that the far right likes to push, a divided nation is a vulnerable nation after all, and these ‘Pick-me-gays’ only work to alienate the queer community from one another, effectively dividing them.
Another example of ‘Divide and Conquer’ would be LGB without the T petition. In 2015, a campaign called LGB without the T was born. Shortly before the 2016 election of Donald Trump took place, “Drop the T” Petitions were circulating everywhere on the internet.
The petition described itself as a ‘group of gay/bisexual men and women who have come to the conclusion that the transgender community needs to be dissociated from the larger LGB community.” This petition was mainly led and backed by Houston, Texas pastor Dave Welch. They used targeted propaganda to spread their message, their main slogan being “NO MEN in women’s bathrooms. Vote NO on Houston’s Prop 1#” These signs were in regard to Houston’s law which protected Trans people from discrimination.
Unfortunately, through this campaign they were able to stop the passing of the HERO law, which would have been set in place to protect trans people and many others from bigotry and possible violence.
Although massive queer news-outlets, for example PinkNews, tried to fight back, overwhelming coverage by the right winged news outlets made the petition spread like wildfire among conservatives and pick me gays alike.
Unfortunately, this was just another example of a system that divides communities purely for their own personal benefit.
You could counter that these ‘Pick-me-gays’ are just confused and oppressed by the same system they stand with. Almost all men grow up with the idea that femininity equates to weakness and inferiority. They grow up learning that if they don't join the pack and ridicule anyone who doesn't conform, then they will be on the receiving end. It’s eat or be eaten.
The same goes for women. They grow up with the idea that they have to view the rest of their gender as competition, that only when they stand above all other women will they find the approval and attention of a man.
Time and time again the same system divides people amongst themselves, the women learn to resent each other and put each other down, to say “Hey, I'm better than her, she's too weird, too loud, too crass.
And the men learn to put down both other men and women. Anyone deemed too different or ‘unconformative’.
But, in the end, it's up to these people to break that cycle, and after you hit a certain age, discriminating just to fit in starts to become a lot less excusable.
In conclusion, ‘Pick-me-gays’ are a harmful group of individuals created by a corrupt system that profits and feeds off of hate and division.
The only question left is if these ‘Pick-me-gays’ are simply a product of their own enviornment, and they can’t help but fall victim to the same system that they fight so hard to keep in place, or if the harm they cause to the community is unforgivable and they should be held fully accountable for the hate that they continue to spread.
Sources:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/slang/pick-me
Pick-me. 4 June 2026, www.merriam-webster.com/slang/pick-me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y1cmGqd0hw
darkviktory. “Diese GAYS Schaden Uns Allen.” YouTube, 21 Nov. 2025, www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y1cmGqd0hw.
https://www.campact.de/blog/2025/01/ich-bin-nicht-queer/
Düker, Henrik, and Henrik Düker. “AfD-Kanzlerkandidatin Alice Weidel: „Ich Bin Nicht Queer“” Campact Blog, 23 Mar. 2026, www.campact.de/blog/2025/01/ich-bin-nicht-queer.
EST. “LGB Without the T?: The Dangerous Rise of Transphobia, TERFism, and Anti-transgender Rhetoric Across the United Kingdom - EST.” EST - European Student Think Tank, 20 May 2024, esthinktank.com/2024/05/20/lgb-without-the-t-the-dangerous-rise-of-transphobia-terfism-and-anti-transgender-rhetoric-across-the-united-kingdom.
https://www.tribtalk.org/2015/11/06/how-hero-was-defeated/
Stein, Robert. “How HERO Was Defeated.” TribTalk, 6 Nov. 2015, www.tribtalk.org/2015/11/06/how-hero-was-defeated.
Fuchs, Christian. “Christian Lüth: ‘Je Schlechter Es Deutschland Geht, Desto Besser Für Die AfD.’” DIE ZEIT, 28 Sept. 2020, www.zeit.de/politik/deutschland/2020-09/christian-lueth-afd-alexander-gauland-menschenfeindlichkeit-migration.
“Understanding Manipulation Techniques: The Power of ‘Divide and Conquer.’” Brytain O’connor Law Firm, 9 July 2023, www.bryantoconnor.com/blog/2023/07/understanding-manipulation-techniques-the-power-of-divide-and-conquer/v. Accessed 18 June 2026.
McCormick, Joseph Patrick, and Joseph Patrick McCormick. “Petition Started to ‘Keep the T’ in LGBT, Following ‘Drop the T’ Backlash.” PinkNews | Latest Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Trans News | LGBTQ+ News, 14 July 2021, www.thepinknews.com/2015/11/08/petition-started-to-keep-the-t-in-lgbt-following-drop-the-t-backlash.
“Petition Started to ‘Keep the T’ in LGBT, Following ‘Drop the T’ Backlash.” PinkNews | Latest Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Trans News | LGBTQ+ News, 14 July 2021, www.thepinknews.com/2015/11/08/petition-started-to-keep-the-t-in-lgbt-following-drop-the-t-backlash.
Picture Sources:
https://www.tagesschau.de/inland/bundestagswahl/parteien/portraet-alice-weidel-100.html
Kurz, Julie. “Porträt Alice Weidel: Radikal Mit Bürgerlichem Anstrich.” tagesschau.de, 24 Jan. 2025, www.tagesschau.de/inland/bundestagswahl/parteien/portraet-alice-weidel-100.html.
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