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Are you worried that your man has lost some of his passion for your relationship do you want him to be as excited and attracted to you as he was in the beginning well then stay right here because in this video I'm going to explain why both men and women lose that spark and passion in their relationship and I'm going to tell you the steps to take to turn things around and have him as excited about you as he was before don't go anywhere because we're starting right now.
To keeping that passion alive in your relationship so here's a scenario you start dating someone and things are going very well you're seeing one another frequently and you have amazing chemistry together you're going on romantic dates and he's always contacting you and texting you and calling you he tells you how much he misses you and that he can't wait to see you and when you're together things couldn't be better you are both very attracted to one another and you just can't seem to get enough yes you are falling in love and the feeling is magical it's hypnotizing and euphoric and enchanting with a sense of deja vu.
an intense attraction psychologists call this passionate love a state of intense longing and desire and attraction and if you've ever fallen in love you know the feelings are simply incredible it's like the best feeling in the world and you never want it to end and in fairytales passionate love never ends it lasts forever but in real life these intense feelings of happiness and attraction and longing have an expiration date yeah in time the love either morphs into companion at love or you start to grow apart so the relationship either becomes something deeper and more meaningful or it fizzles out and eventually a separation happens so why doesn't the passionate love last why does it have to change see when you're passionately in love with someone and you're experiencing these amazing feelings your brain is being flooded by a combination of the powerful neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine and the novelty and excitement of this new love causes your brain to release these neurotransmitters and you have these intense feelings of attraction and desire but new love is also prone to what psychologists call hedonic adaptation Adamic adaptation.
the innate tendency for people to become habituated or accustomed to both positive and negative life changes after some time the idea is that no matter how good something makes us feel most of the time we drift back to where we started for example there are famous studies of lottery winners that showed that despite their initial euphoria and excitement lottery winners were no happier than non winners 18 months later so despite the fact that they had won a life-changing amount of money after two years they were no happier than they were before winning they've become accustomed to their new normal the same tendency to return to baseline has been shown to occur after falling in love and even after marriage we become habituated and no longer experienced the incredible excitement and attraction that we felt in the beginning but why does this happen well there are several evolutionary physiological and practical reasons why passionate love is unlikely to endure for very long think about it if we obsessed endlessly about our partners and spent all of our time just being glued to them we would not be very productive at work or very attentive to our children or our friends or our health that's why after some time in the relationship we come habituated and the levels of dopamine and norepinephrine start to decrease but it's not all bad.
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if you're with the right person and if things continue going well passionate love morphs into companionate love and the highs associated with dopamine and norepinephrine are replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin which create the desire to bond and affiliate with and nurture your partner and this is where long-term attachment and companionate love come in now don't get me wrong the deep love and friendship and attachment that comes with companionate love is a beautiful thing but imagine if you could have that and still keep the sparks and excitement of passionate love yeah that would make for an exciting and amazing love life the good news there are things that you can do to kind of trick your brain into continuing to flood itself with both dopamine and norepinephrine Efrain and keep that passionate love going forever so without further ado here are the four keys to making it happen number one keep the dopamine flowing as I mentioned earlier when you're falling in love your brain is being flooded with dopamine whenever you're with your lover and even when you're thinking about your lover but eventually we become accustomed to our relationship and the novelty starts to wear away then being with your lover no longer provokes the flood of dopamine that it once did and consequently you no longer experience those intense feelings of excitement that you once felt the good news is that you can engage in activities with your lover that will cause your brain to release dopamine and as a result you'll continue to enjoy those amazing feelings for years to come.
so how do you do it well couples can keep the dopamine flowing in a long-term relationship by doing novel and challenging and exciting things together because engaging in challenging and novel activities together affects the brain in much the same way that drugs do that is they trigger your brain to release the neurotransmitter dopamine and when that happens you associate those great feelings with your lover now what do I mean by novel and exciting activities well you're going to need to take a break from your usual weekly activities and try out a new hobby together preferably it's something that is challenging or requires you to learn new skills or to push yourself for example taking dance lessons together or taking yoga classes together or experimenting with learning to cook new dishes together
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we want to be doing something challenging and novel together so take up biking or hiking through an unexplored area near where you live or take a weekend trip to somewhere that you've never been remember these three words novel and challenging and exciting activities all of these new adventures will cause a surge in dopamine that will keep your romance alive number two keep the adrenaline flowing when you're falling in love your heart beats faster you have less hunger and less need for sleep when you're with your lover you may even get sweaty palms and all this is caused by your body release of adrenaline or norepinephrine but as we talked about earlier when you get accustomed to your lover the release of this neurotransmitter is significantly reduced and you no longer get the increased heart rate in sweaty palms what do you think happens when you engage in arousing activities with your partner the arousal that's created through an adrenaline producing activity can get transferred to your partner and your relationship and as a result your level of attraction towards your partner increases in other words when you trigger your fight-or-flight response by engaging in thrilling activities together your adrenaline increases your heart rate increases your palms get sweaty and all those feelings cause what is known as a miss attribution of attraction the adrenaline high you experience gets associated with your lover and your feelings of attraction and excitement about your partner increase as well and this is a phenomenon that has been widely studied just do a Google search for arousal and attraction or misattribution of attraction and you'll find so many studies that support what I'm saying
how can you apply this in your relationship well engage in adrenaline provoking experiences with your partner do exciting and novel things together go to an amusement park and ride a few roller coasters together take up hiking or wall climbing or watch scary movies together all these things will provoke your body to release adrenaline so it's almost like fooling your brain that the arousal produced by this activity is really due to your relationship and this helps to perk up the passion and when that happens you will be more attracted to your partner because of it number three keep the oxytocin flowing as I explained earlier passionate love is prone to hedonic adaptation after a couple has been together for some time but if things are going well in your relationship passionate love is replaced with a more companionate type of deeply attached love so the dopamine and adrenaline rush is replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin which create the desire to bond and affiliate with and nurture your partner and oxytocin is a really power a hormone that is released during orgasm and it's the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the glue that binds a relationship and because sex is so frequent in the beginning of your relationship the oxytocin is flowing and keeping the attachment and bonding strong but what happens when a couple has less and less sex well there are less opportunities to get that oxytocin bond so what are some things that you can do to keep your oxytocin flowing the best way to get more oxytocin in your life is with physical touch non-sexual cuddling and hugging and making eye contact and even shaking hands gets oxytocin flowing so connect with your partner hug and kiss every morning and every night and make sure that they're good hugs because according to the Happiness Project you should hold a hug for at least six seconds to get the happy chemicals oxytocin and serotonin flowing another thing sexual activity can increase oxytocin levels and activate the brain's reward circuit making couples desire each other more another.
thing that works very well take a warm bath with your partner because temperature warmth is conducive to oxytocin release number four practice gratitude meditation and appreciation for your partner when we first fall in love with someone we tend to worship the ground that they walk on and see them as the most attractive and smartest and most accomplished person in the room and while we might eventually take our partner off of this pedestal after months and years of being together maintaining a sense of love blindness is actually critical to long-lasting passionate love in fact according to several studies on compatibility the only trait in a relationship that predicted long-term romantic love is one's ability to idealize and maintain positive illusions about their partner in other words couples who are able to see one another as good-looking and intelligent and funny and caring or generally as a catch are able to remain happy with each other on nearly all measures over time now I know that might seem hokey I mean of course if you're always able to feel that your partner is good-looking and funny and caring you're more likely to have positive feelings about them yes that makes sense but it also works in the other direction when people are able to deliberately focus on appreciating their partner and practice gratitude meditation they feel closer and more.
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