You can't understand a city without using its public transportation system. - Erol Ozan

On Monday, I went to AcroYoga again. I’d been doing lots of lunges during my workouts the previous week, so everyone was impressed when I could support my classmates as the base. I’m pretty small, so flying is always easier for me. I was so proud, but then I kind of skimped on my workouts for the remainder of the week so now I gotta get back into it. But it’s fine. I can feel and see myself getting stronger, and I’ve learned so many new recipes from the girls in my flat that healthy living doesn’t seem so unattainable now. Also, I was upset because my earbuds broke right after I arrived here, so I haven’t been able to workout with music. That ended up being a good thing, because now I can clear my head in the morning, or listen to The Daily podcast by the NYTimes. My flatmate suggested I listen to it to get an objective perspective on what is happening in the U.S.

Yi Xuan left today. It’s sad that the girls in my flat will all be leaving soon. I have never felt this comfortable within any group of girls before. I think it has to do with them being older than me, and with me being more open to people while studying abroad. Someone asked me if I could live with any of my idols in an apartment, who would I live with. I think these girls. Not sure if they feel the same way, but that’s what I would say. I’ve learned so much from them, it’s like having 5 older sisters, real sisters. So many good times in so little time.

We had a potluck for Yi Xuan last Thursday, with people from 3 different flats. It was truly an international potluck, I was so amazed. Frank, from Taiwan, made his own bubble tea using tapioca he bought in Taiwan. Benoit, from France, made fried eggplant topped with pesto and mozzarella. Urielle, from Mexico, made this spicy tomato salsa that was better than any I’ve ever tasted in the U.S. Yi Xuan made fried zucchini, Jonathan (from Singapore) made pork soup, SJ made herbal tea - infused eggs, and Gloria brought the bread and hummus, because that’s a requirement. I made bulgur with mushrooms and onions, and Marie brought some chocolate and sugar pastries and crackers. It was such a diverse and filling meal. We talked about recipes and the World Cup and meals in different countries, I had a great time.

Earlier that day, I met Gloria for lunch on campus. She took me to the top of the Computer Science building, which has couches, high chairs, umbrellas, a bar, and these giant baskets overlooking the Technion and Haifa. Gloria discovered it in the evening, when it was quiet and peaceful, and said she likes to go there to write. I really admire Gloria’s comfort with being alone; that’s what we talked about as we sat in one of the baskets. Last semester I went through kind of an identity crisis because I was so uncomfortable with myself. But, once I started spending more time alone, it wasn’t bad at all. I guess you just discover the things that make you happy, and you start to understand yourself. And, once you understand something, you cannot hate it.

We also had an instant noodle party. It has not escaped my notice that all of my experiences revolve around food. SJ had a ton of instant noodles leftover, so she made some with eggs and a ton of MSG on Yi Xuan’s last night. We joked that SJ, Gloria, and Yi Xuan all had different ideas of how to prepare instant noodles. Also, Gloria bought this exotic fruit from the market, and although she said it’s a papaya, none of us are sure. We polled a lot of different people; the top choices were mango and a green lemon.

Finally, we had an enlightening conversation about one of the most taboo topics when you’re a woman. Here’s a TED Talk which basically sums it up. I’m glad we had the conversation; I’ve never spoken about it to girls back at home. I don’t know why, I guess we’re all so young and so focused on school that we don’t really time to think or talk about it.

I left my lab last Thursday somewhat frustrated. My experiment didn’t go well at all; the amount of ATP I produced dropped instead of increasing, even though I constantly replenished the phosphate donor supply. I’d been worried that I wouldn’t be able to use the plate reader to measure luminescence, so I tried to contact my mentor but he didn’t reply to my text. And finally, I’ve been uncomfortable so far with the independence expected of me during this project.

It’s both ironic and disappointing at the same time. Ironic, because I try to be very independent. When my career takes off, I want to control what I do and how I make an impact on the world. I’m always the person to step outside of my comfort zone (or at least, I want to be), go against the grain, challenge the status quo. So why am I having so much trouble now? I think it’s because I expected this project to be more closely mentored, and although I’m independent in many different areas of my life, I feel that I haven’t accomplished anything independently in STEM.

Yes, I know how to use a TEM, and I understand concepts from school, and I can use many techniques and dream of a better future for science. But I think I lack intuition about how science happens. For example, when I obtain the results of an experiment, I still can’t draw insightful conclusions as my mentor. I don’t know how; it’s like I don’t know how to think scientifically despite all of my “high-level training.”

This made me feel better. I don’t think analytical thinking can be easily taught, and just doing this research project independently will probably be a better teacher. Also, I told Gloria about the situation, and she suggested something I normally would never do: just go with it. I was thinking of emailing or confronting all these different people, but Gloria said that if it turns out that there’s nothing I can do, then I should just accept it. She said that she’s had similar experiences in the past, and from just observing, she learned to detach herself from the situation and handle it better the next time. So I’ll try not to stress.