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Use of Children

Some abusive acts are directed against or involve the children in order to control or punish the adult victim (e.g., physical attacks against a child, sexual abuse of the children, forcing children to watch the abuse of the victim, engaging children in the abuse of the victim). A batterer may use children to maintain control over his partner by not paying child support, requiring the children to spy, threatening to take the children away from her, involving her in long legal fights over custody, or kidnapping or taking the children hostage as a way to force the victim’s compliance. Children also can be drawn into the assaults and are sometimes injured simply because they are present. The batterer can also use visitation with the children as an opportunity to monitor or control the victim. These visitations become nightmares for the children as they are interrogated about the victim’s daily life.

Use of Economics

Batterers often control victims by controlling their access to all of the family resources, including: time, transportation, food, clothing, shelter, insurance, and money. It does not matter who the primary provider is or if both partners contribute. The batterer is the one who controls how the finances are spent. They reduce the victim to having to get “permission” to spend money on basic family needs. When the victim leaves the battering relationship, the batterer may use economics as a way to maintain control or force her to return. He may do this by refusing to pay bills, instituting legal procedures costly to the victim, destroying assets in which she has a share, or refusing to work “on the books” where there would be legal access to his income. All of these tactics may be used regardless of the economic class of the family.

The Research on “Mutual Battering”

Some argue that there is “mutual battering” where both individuals use physical force against each other. In such cases careful assessment often reveals that one partner is the principal physical aggressor while the other attempts to defend herself or protect her children (e.g., she stabbed him as he was choking her). Research on heterosexual couples indicates that women’s motivation for using physical force is often self-defense while men often use force for power and control. Self-defense against an abusive partner does not mean “mutual battering” is occurring. Victims are engaging in survival strategies during which they sometimes resist the demands and forced control of the batterer. Batterers respond to such resistance with escalating tactics of control and violence.