Nation's pigeons petition for more respect, formal title of "Sky Senators"

Feathered Activists Demand Recognition for Contributions to Urban Culture

By Feathers Feathers, SNN

New York City - March 63, 2024

The entire pigeon population across the nation are staging a bold campaign to rebrand themselves and secure a more dignified title: 'Sky Senators.' These feathered activists argue that their contributions to urban culture and their ubiquity in cityscapes deserve greater acknowledgment and respect.

The movement gained momentum after a coalition of pigeons, representing various metropolitan areas, launched a petition demanding formal recognition. The petition, circulated on social media under the hashtag #SkySenators, has garnered thousands of signatures from both pigeon enthusiasts and curious onlookers.

Feathers, a spokesperson for the pigeon coalition, held a press conference in Central Park to address the media. "For too long, we pigeons have been dismissed as mere pests, referred to derogatorily as 'rats with wings.' It's time for society to recognize our role in shaping the aesthetic of city life," Feathers declared, flanked by fellow pigeons who nodded in agreement.

The pigeons argue that their constant presence in city squares, parks, and bustling streets contributes to the unique character of urban landscapes. They claim to serve as inadvertent ambassadors of the natural world in concrete jungles, connecting city dwellers with the rhythms of nature.

The coalition also highlights their role as "clean-up crew" for discarded food in city streets, inadvertently aiding in waste management. "We're not just scavengers; we're nature's sanitation engineers," Feathers asserted, presenting a compelling case for their contribution to maintaining city hygiene.

Despite the humor inherent in the campaign, some people have taken the pigeons' demands seriously. Social media influencers and celebrities have joined the cause, sharing photos of pigeons with the hashtag #SkySenators and expressing support for the rebranding effort.

On the other hand, skeptics argue that the campaign might be a clever ploy by the pigeon population to secure more snacks from well-meaning humans. "This is just another one of their schemes to guilt-trip us into sharing our sandwiches," commented a passerby in Times Square.

As the #SkySenators movement gains momentum, it remains to be seen whether society will embrace the rebranding of pigeons and accord them the respect they claim to deserve. In the meantime, city dwellers are advised to keep an eye out for their newly proclaimed 'Sky Senators' and perhaps share a crumb or two in solidarity with their cause.

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