The main subject of this painting is my self-portrait. I want the viewer to notice her gaze and expression first. Her wrinkled brow isn't meant to be subtle or overlooked. I used a technique that many musicians use to sway an audience: dissonance. Her deeply sorrowful gaze is a direct contrast to the colorful, bright environment hat surrounds her. She is looking off into the distance longingly, but it seems she is giving up on whatever she is waiting for. The smaller symbolic elements of the painting carry equal importance to the overall meaning. 

Light, cool colors dominate the piece, while the portrait spans the full color spectrum. This balance reflects the full spectrum of human emotion that unfolds throughout a lifetime. Her headband, along with the side of the painting, is yellow, my first favorite color. This painting symbolizes true innocence, my first interaction with the personalities the world provides. It captures my desperate attempt to understand myself by understanding everyone else. The rainbow-colored puzzle pieces represent both the chakras and neurodiversity. Chakras are the bodies energy centers, and as a neurodivergent person, it is extremely evident that I am more mentally, physically, and emotionally sensitive to different energies.  Surrounding the puzzle pieces are seven dots, representing completion and fullness. 

There was a sense of urgency in this piece. I thought I was starting to paint significantly faster, but I realized I was simply painting longer every single day, back to back. The more I painted, the more I uncovered. And the more I healed the parts of myself that were finding their way onto the canvas. I was experiencing a significant period of burnout during and after this piece. I do not think people realize how emotionally explorative art is. It will bring back memories your brain chose to forget, and it will call you by name as you are running away from the truth. 

This piece is the foundation of my life. I do not necessarily think I have only had one beginning. Life tells many stories that all connect to create the experience. This painting is a bite out of my elementary days when I was admonished for always having my head in the clouds, the "Milky-way Award" as she called it. The overarching theme of searching for acceptance, being overlooked, and experiencing isolation for the first time is carried throughout my work. This piece is apart of a larger series, "Echoes of Innocence", exploring identity and childhood trauma and how that shapes adult experiences. 

For me, the hardest part of painting is being completely enthralled in the story. Since I am the subject, I cannot help but see myself in the third person. This memory is from when I was eight. I was so small and fragile, but in my memory, I feel the same age. I had to walk with her, that version of myself. I had to introduce her to who I am now, where I am now. I had to show her she could trust me with her safety. I had to be both a child and an adult at that moment. That is the hardest part and the most vulnerable. Being human is being in a constant state of healing, actively choosing to repair wounds so deep you could lose yourself and everyone else. 

I hope other people feel encouraged to look beyond the bounds that have been placed on them. I am fully aware that people carry heavy burdens that are invisible to me. I hope this piece encourages others to meet their inner child and care for them with the highest dedication and consideration. I hope this piece hits you in your Soul, creating that ball of elated energy sitting on your diaphragm. Our lives can only be whole when we center discovery in our own story, our purpose.

Copyright 

All artwork, images, and related content are the exclusive copyright of Hannah Joycelyn Abrams. The purchase of an original piece or print does not transfer copyright ownership. No artwork or image may be reproduced, copied, resold, or used for any commercial purpose without the prior written permission of the artist.