feb1_2021

I remember little from this interaction, but regardless, what I do recall is having a breakdown, and who shows up but that awfully pretty skeleton from the one party. Orchid, I believe his name was. While not touching me initially, he did provide some words of comfort and allowed me to talk a little about what had been bothering me - at the time, it was a lack of contact with my mothers, and the mysterious harm that constantly befell Jevil. Few words were exchanged after I explained, but I was offered headpats which were... very nice, honestly. I then leaned against him, the drowsiness from my fretting starting to kick in (while he remained insanely still), and within minutes I was out.

Of course, I wound up having a rather mild nightmare, and I think I was sleep-talking since I remember hearing Orchid's voice faintly. "Calm down," he had murmured softly, and I did try to respond with "I'm trying," though I am unsure if that translated to physical speaking or not.

I remember feeling so insanely off during this nightmare... it felt like my body was breaking apart, and yet one solid piece.

I was burning, and yet cold.

Everything that was happening around me pressed in like solid walls.

I couldn't see.

I couldn't move.

I could only remember everything Jevil had going on.

How my mothers must miss me, or even be disappointed with my lack of effort to see them.

Everything hurt during that gods-damned nightmare, not terribly but it still gnawed at me to the point of intense frustration and obvious panic. It all goes dark after that, though, so I think I did manage to fall asleep for real at a certain point. Again, I don't remember, so I can only hope.

*bug note: so y'know how you sometimes remember, like, part of a dream, but not the rest? and sometimes it's hard to tell what actually happened and what was just a dream? yeah. this whole entry was about a dream.