A COVID Miscarriage

They say: with each new ending comes a new beginning

A world upside down?

That’s an understatement.

Let me tell you something.

Every loss seems replaceable,

Every grieve seems consolable,

Until it happens to you.

They say: In each loss there is a gain, as in every gain there is a loss.

I was a GP trainee, eagerly waiting to join GP land.

And then I was,

Deployed to A&E for a further 4 months.

Reason: Code Covid-19.

Night shifts.

Twilight shifts which finish at 1am.

Weekend shifts.

A solitary life.

The Feeling of being tired all the time.

Going to bed without breakfast.

Useless arguments:

“I am doing this for the country and you can’t even make dinner for me?”

“You had the whole day and yet you choose to go out when I come home from work?”

Little did I know about the terrible day that he had.

Stress & tears.

Covid-19 controlled my work and thereby our home-life.

Never felt so dependent.

Craving for tender, love and care.

I was primary care working in secondary care.

Yet never felt more human in my life.

They say: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

One day there was blood Everywhere.

I was having a miscarriage.

Embarrassed to the core, I changed my A&E uniform.

The Night consultant caught my red eyes.

“Just give me 5 mins to freshen up, I will be OK”

No patient would have guessed,

The fiery turmoil inside me.

I was sitting there listening to other people’s pain and suffering,

Partially falling asleep,

As my Blood pressure dropped slowly.

Yet nobody knew about the battle that I was facing.

They say: ‘The greatest sacrifice is when you sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of someone else’

This painting depicts a purple/gold foetus slowly disintegrating into nothingness.

The crumbling orange heart (on the top right corner) has left the body.

Several layers of tears are dripping down the page. I hereby wish to say that sadness is built up by the infinite amount of emotional thoughts, running wild in our heads.

The layers of dripping tears are in various colours in order to represent the different stages of grief.

The orange/red background colour depicts the mother’s love for the child.

The pop of green is symbolic of hope. A new life is waiting to be created and the future is going to be an incredible journey.

The painting says: For it is in giving that we receive.

The painting says: We rise by lifting others.

Covid-19 may have taken so much, but it has also brought the world together.

And this is a great legacy and lesson that we pass onto our next generation.

Dr Shaaji Kanagasabapathy (GP)