The Kids Are All Right - Lisa Cholodenko interview

WRITER-director Lisa Cholodenko talks about some of the issues surrounding her latest film The Kids Are All Right, including sperm donation and why it has become such a cultural phenomenon. She also talks about people’s reaction to the film and how the concept has changed over time, especially since she herself became a mother via artificial insemination from an anonymous sperm donor…

Q. When did the idea first come to you of exploring this kind of family dynamic and how much did it change as a result of your own pregnancy [via artificial insemination from an anonymous sperm donor]?
Lisa Cholodenko: I started writing… or I came up with the idea at the end of 2004 and it was kind of a rush of an idea: the five person family and what happens with the sperm donor and the daughter’s in college. So, I had a framework. But I was probably about 25 pages into it when I came across Stuart Blumberg, who was an old friend from New York, and we had a conversation, which was kind of a social conversation, but it ended up that we decided to write the script together. Then it went through many, many, many changes. But the basic framework of the family and the conceit of what happens when the character of Paul [the sperm donor] comes into the family, and everybody’s upended in ways that they hadn’t expected… that was the glue. But the course of events and set pieces changed.

Q. And did it change as a result of your pregnancy?
Lisa Cholodenko: The only major changes were from the first or second draft to where it ended up. I think we were a little more ambitious in where we set it in the beginning. I think there was a river rafting trip in the beginning. The family went on a river rafting trip and brought Paul along, which was fun but too expensive [laughs].

Q. If you apply the central scenario of the film to your own life, and the sudden introduction of Paul, does that yield any fears for you as a parent who used an anonymous sperm donor? Did it make you start to ponder what might happen to you down the line?
Lisa Cholodenko: I really don’t feel concerned that the guy who’s my child’s biological father, his sperm donor, is going to come and appropriate my child or up-end my life. I’m not trying to hide that from my kid. I kind of look forward to it for him and I wish actually it could happen earlier. I think it’s something that will be meaningful to him and that he’ll want to know. I’m curious. I have no idea what the outcome is going to be but the idea of openness is really important, especially as there’s all these new kinds of families coming about.

Q. Do you think the role of a sperm donor is under appreciated?
Lisa Cholodenko: Well, it’s interesting because the laws have changed and there are no more anonymous sperm donors anymore apparently. I think that it’s unregulated and that’s a problem. I know for a fact that my son has half-siblings and quite a number of them. So, that’s kind of interesting. The programme in the States… I’m not sure in the UK, but it’s very well paid [in the US], so it’s a very kind of contractual and reasonable thing for people to enter into. But they’re getting guys that are really young and not thinking in the most mature way about what that actually means, and what it means up the road. So, while I don’t think it’s false advertising, and everyone goes into it in a completely conscious and transparent way, it’s not a lightweight thing. I’ve heard stories where their biological children have met their donor and it’s been a great source of joy for them, so it kind of goes both ways.

Q. Do you think there’s something in the air that’s made Hollywood suddenly take notice of this issue. Yours is third – and by far the best – film to tackle the issue in some way, along with The Switch and The Back-Up Plan? Do you see it as fortuitous?
Lisa Cholodenko: I think it’s up… I think it’s in the zeitgeist. There’s the raging issue in our country, which is very regressed, about gay marriage and gay families, so I think that’s made gay families and gays and lesbians more in the mainstream. There’s been a lot of print journalism about this issue and these kids are coming of age, too, so it’s going to be something that’s more and more integrated into people’s communities. These kids are going to be going to school with other people’s children. It’s a modern world, so I think it’s good that it’s being put out there. There’s also a lot of single women who are getting older and not marrying, who become mums by choice.

So, The Switch and The Back-Up Plan didn’t deal with a gay situation, but rather women who were getting older and wanted to have a kid. So, it’s out there and whether they’re stupid or schlocky films or not, it’s good that it’s being explored as the cultural phenomenon that it is.

Q. Do you find that feedback on this film is different between men and women who have seen it? Do men particularly side with Mark Ruffalo’s Paul and women with Annette Bening and Julianne Moore?
Lisa Cholodenko: I’ve been really pleased that both men and women have responded emotionally to it in a very similar way. That’s pretty gratifying. If there’s been any flack in the questioning of the negative, it would be like: “Didn’t Paul get short shrift? Why did he land on his arse?” But mostly I think people get what the intention was by us, as the writers, and me as the director, which was everybody got fair treatment in the film.

I never saw it as Paul being the villain and they’re [Julianne and Annette] sympathetic and it’s a good thing that he’s out because now the family can get on with the show. I saw it as that character’s personal trajectory and there’s a good chance that he’ll dust himself off and figure things out and there’ll be a second chance for him to engage with the family. So, that’s the hope…