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The Making Amends: Steps 8 and 9
The Making Amends: Steps 8 and 9
When I reached Steps 8 and 9, I was both hopeful and scared. I had started to feel better—more honest, more grounded, more who I thought I was all along. But now I was being asked to face people I had hurt. That’s what these steps are about: making things right, as far as possible, without causing further harm.
This is NOT about asking for or begging for forgiveness or reopening wounds. It’s about taking responsibility. And for the first time in my life, I had a process for doing that in a healthy, God-guided way.
Why It’s Called “Making Amends”
Why It’s Called “Making Amends”
Making amends is more than saying “I’m sorry.” That's an apology. An amends is about restoring integrity and trust - sometimes through words, sometimes through action. The word “amend” means to change or to repair. So making amends is about doing what I can to repair the damage I caused during my addiction.
This was a turning point in my recovery. These steps allowed me to move from guilt to freedom, from shame to responsibility. Not all the relationships were restored—but I was restored.
Why Steps 8 and 9 Go Together
Why Steps 8 and 9 Go Together
These two steps form a clear process:
Step 8 is about preparing—I make a list of the people I harmed and become willing to make things right.
Step 9 is about taking action—making direct amends where possible.
They go together because one without the other is incomplete. If I only made a list and never followed through, I’d stay stuck in fear. If I tried to rush into amends without preparation, I might hurt people all over again. Together, they taught me how to approach these conversations with humility, clarity, and care.
Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, became willing to make amends to all.”
Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, became willing to make amends to all.”
Step 8 asked me to go back through my Step 4 inventory and pull out the names of people I had harmed—emotionally, sexually, financially, spiritually. Some were people I betrayed. Others were people I used, lied to, manipulated, or neglected. This wasn’t about judging myself—it was about owning my impact.
The second part of the step was where the shift happened: I became willing. Even if I didn’t know how I’d make things right, I asked God to make me ready.
How I worked Step 8:
I re-read my Step 4 inventory to identify people I had harmed
I wrote their names down in a separate list
I added a brief note about what I did and how it affected them
I prayed for willingness—especially for people I didn’t want to face
I talked honestly with my sponsor about any I wanted to skip
Helpful resources:
12 Steps and 12 Traditions - Read steps 8 & 9
SAA– Green Book Read steps 8 & 9
AA Big Book Read steps 8 & 9
Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others.”
Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others.”
This step is about action—taking what I wrote in Step 8 and doing something about it. That might mean meeting someone in person, writing a letter, repaying money, or simply acknowledging the harm I caused.
But this step also includes discernment. Not every amends is safe or wise. Sometimes the harm I caused was part of a secret relationship or a boundary violation that doesn’t need to be revisited in person. This is where my sponsor helped me navigate carefully—choosing amends that restore, not reopen wounds.
How I worked Step 9:
I reviewed my amends list with my sponsor and prayed for guidance
I prioritized low-risk amends to build confidence
I met in person when appropriate, or wrote thoughtful letters when not
I kept the focus on my actions and the impact—not excuses
I asked how I could make things right, and respected the other person’s response
Helpful resources:
12 Steps and 12 Traditions - Read steps 8 & 9
SAA– Green Book Read steps 8 & 9
AA Big Book Read steps 8 & 9
Houston SAA 12 Steps workbook - Great Resource
Lee's 12 Steps - Great Resource
What I Got Out of These Steps
What I Got Out of These Steps
Making amends was not easy—but it was worth it. Here’s what changed in me:
I felt peace instead of guilt
I became more honest in all my relationships
I stopped carrying the weight of my past
I began to feel like a trustworthy person
I saw how God could use even my failures to bring healing
Not every conversation went the way I hoped. Some people forgave me. Others didn’t. But in every case, I acted with integrity—and that gave me freedom.
Tips If You’re Just Starting
Tips If You’re Just Starting
Don’t rush. Step 8 is about preparation. You don’t need to jump into amends right away.
Talk everything through with your sponsor. These steps require wisdom and discernment.
Don’t skip hard ones. Willingness grows with prayer and action.
Keep the focus on your part—not on blaming or justifying
Next Steps
Next Steps
If you're ready to begin:
Complete the readings in 12 & 12, Green Book and AA Big Book to understand what you are going to do
Schedule time with your sponsor to review your list of people and the type of amends
Begin with safe, simple amends to build confidence
Keep a journal of your experiences—what you’re learning and how you’re changing
Making amends isn’t about fixing the past. It’s about becoming the kind of person who no longer runs from it.
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