the penstubal post

WILL MCCLARK SURVIVE THE PEOPLE'S VOTE?

WINSBURG - The United Provinces braces itself for a historic presidential election. Millions of penguins are set to cast their ballots in one of the most consequential elections in the country's history - will Simon McClark, an unpopular bureaucrat and staunch advocate for a globalist Western Union-superstate, stun his opponents and win a victory that will forever silence all of his doubters, or will the sun at last set on the crumbling McClark Empire? McClark's greatest challenger is socialist Gideon Iceberger, who promised a "cultural revolution" would take place if he were elected - the Penstubal Post will keep you updated on the latest news in the election of a lifetime.

CIRCUMZONE EXPANDS TO INCLUDE THE EMPERORLANDS

DELPHI - The Western Union institutions have welcomed the latest country to adopt the circum into the Circumzone. The Emperorlands, under the rule of KingH10, adopted the circum in an effort to modernize and become part of the latest Western Union and Antarctic trends. "Circums are the currency of the future" said KingH10, "and the Emperorlands is a modern, fully-developed country". The Emperorlands was originally supposed to adopt the circum in mid-2018, but the embattled leader agreed to postpone the adoption as a result of the conflict that ravaged the country at the time.

LAWSUIT TO BE FILED AGAINST SHOPPER GOVERNMENT

SHOPS CITY - Penstubal announced that the Penstubal Post organization and his close allies intend on filing a lawsuit against the Shopper government for police brutality on the day of the successful International Scrubs' March. Penstubal confirmed that the Shopper government had suppressed the scrub demonstrations in Shops City, Vonkouver and Goberna and prevented a march in Penguin City from taking place. A spokesperson for President Lavender, however, denies Penstubal's allegations and refutes the undeniable evidence Penstubal has presented of law enforcement using excessive force against civilians. Penstubal also accused Penquino of personally ordering protests to be suppressed, something Penquino refused to comment on, most likely because the accusation is true.

BUCHANAN: KERMIT "TOO FROGGY FOR ME"

VONKOUVER - Internationally acclaimed psychologist, known for his enormous contributions to his fields, and close friend of Penstubal, intellectual and student at the University of Vonkouver, Marty Buchanan, in an interview with Penstubal, explained that his stance on Kermit is "rather complicated", and he stated his personal opinion is that Kermit is "too froggy" for him. "I don't really understand the attraction penguins have now developed towards Kermit" elaborated Buchanan, "indeed, I am looking into it, I want to get to the bottom of this and to really get into the minds of those penguins and what they exactly see in Kermit."

OPINION: HOW ORANGE JUICE SPREADS HATE CULTURE

WIZZINT - Orange juice. I think we can all agree - it's really tasty. The ingredients of orange juice are mysterious and unknown to penguins - their origins are tropical, they are enjoyed in tropical areas - the taste mesmerizes you and leaves you possessed by the flavor and the joy the juice brings. But make no mistake, reader - if you drink orange juice, you are part of the problem. Orange juice is the number 1 tool used by Chill57181 and friends to possess penguins into spreading a powerful hate with the goal of completely taking over Antarctica and subjugating the penguin population to slavery. Orange juice represents hate and oppression, particularly that of High Penguins, who've suffered so much and their traumas are being brought back to life when they see teenagers and kids enjoying the beverage that led to the destruction of everything we love as Antarcticans.

GLOBAL ECONOMIC BOOM: TRENDS SET TO CONTINUE

DELPHI - The Western Union and its member states have achieved historic economic growth numbers and new records have been set on Western Union stock markets. "We've never seen numbers this high" said the Western Union trade representative Jeremy Gerald, "All across the field, you see big growth, great numbers... our companies, they're all seeing numbers they never thought they would see." The same situation you can see all across Antarctica. East Pengolia's economy is booming and East Pengolia is hoping the accelerating economic growth will result in an even bigger improvement in standards of living. The USA economy is also achieving unprecedented growth levels, and the Axles are also enjoying the fruits of the global economic boom.

Economists are warning Antarctica not to be overconfident, however, and that the economic boom could easily end any moment - some economics are worrying about an economic crash in the mid-to-late 2020s, although at the moment there seems to be zero cause for concern. "There's never been a better time in HISTORY to live!" says a joyful young penguin, who is also the owner of a start-up company in Shops, BalloonPop Inc. "The golden age has started, and it will last for a many, many years to come!"

WEATHER - MOON ISLAND METEOROLOGICAL SOCIETY

MOON ISLAND - LOCAL NEWS

GOVERNOR: PRODUCTIVE MEETING WITH DPS04

DANCING PENGUIN CITY - Governor David Franklin announced he had a productive meeting with former Governor and incumbent Mayor of Dancing Penguin City, Dps04, on the construction of a brand new business center in the very heart of Dancing Penguin City. "We have agreed that a big business district will benefit the Moon Island economy and will lead to international companies moving here and hiring Moon Island workers" remarked Franklin, to the enthusiastic agreement of Dps04.

WE'RE WEALTHY - SO WHERE ARE THE ROADS?

DANCING PENGUIN CITY - A leftist member of the Moon Island Council sharply rebuked the government and Governor David Franklin, stating that the current administration "is the most useless administration ever". "We're a fine island. We're quite wealthy. We're outperforming, in so many ways, the rest of Shops Island. We're doing great! So where are the roads, Mister President? Where are they?!" he shouted at the President of the Council, in front of an empty chamber. "The Council couldn't even bother to show up to debate this issue. Where's the Council, Mister President?! This is a travesty, this Council is nothing more than a sham!"

The Council member's criticism was tired to the fact that the island has the least developed highway system out of nearly all wealthy regions in Antarctica. The country's only real highway is the one connecting Dancing Penguin City, Moon Island City and Wizzint, and, of course, the island is way more than just those three cities. The Governor has pledged to address the issue and has called the criticisms "valid", but so far there seems to have been only words and no action.

MAFIA, ORGANIZED CRIME AND MORE

SAN ANDERRIE - The southern city of San Anderrie is known by many things, but being crime-free is not one of them. Rather, to the contrary, San Anderrie is one of the cities in Shops Island with the highest crime rates and the most powerful mafia and other organized criminal gangs. The authorities in the Golden Coast region have taken steps to curb organized crime, but so far these efforts have been proven to be completely ineffective. The issue of organized crime has recently been recognized as a local emergency, and the city government is pleading the national government to assist it in fighting the problem.

Google Sites

Report abuse