the penstubal post

BRANT ESSER WON'T SEEK SECOND TERM

DELPHI - President Brant Esser has announced to the world he will not be seeking a second term as president of the Republic of Acadia. His decision was received with mixed reactions, with supporters paid by Shops Island marching onto the streets of Delphi and chanting "hip hip hooray, dictator's away" and "long live the revolution". Generally, his announcement was meant with shock and awe among High Penguins, scrubs and freedom-loving penguins all around Antarctica, including Penstubal, who said that the fall of Brant Esser was "the end of an era". UP president McClark thanked Brant Esser for his "lifetime of service to his country" and said that he wished him well in his future endeavors.

Acadia is set to have presidential elections in December. Several candidates are already lining up to succeed Esser, most promising to be different from him and to introduce new democratic reforms to the country in order to "make it a functioning member of the international community".

MCCLARK DEFEATS ICEBERGER: AS IT HAPPENED

WINSBURG - Simon McClark wins a historic second term as the President of the United Provinces in what many said was an unlikely victory. In spite of leading nearly every single poll, McClark was thought to be a very vulnerable presidential candidate who could easily snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Tonight, it was apparent it wasn't so.

"I love McClark, McClark's the best president we've ever had" said Hilda Matthews, age 73, from Fruit Harbor, "The economy's booming under McClark, there's no more war. We don't want any tories and commies anymore!"

"We lost an opportunity tonight to end this neoliberal world order, to bring power back to the people" said Martha Maguire, age 40, from Birdie, "I'm disappointed, but I'm not surprised. We will fight, this is not yet over, and Iceberger will emerge once again"

Gideon Iceberger conceded defeat to McClark and congratulated him on his reelection, but said that "his fight for a just, equal, inclusive and fair Snowiny is not yet over". McClark slammed Iceberger in his victory speech as a "radical socialist" whose agenda is "not compatible with a free and independent Snowiny". McClark said that he has "the full support of the people and the legitimacy to continue serving as president" and applauded voters for rejecting extremism.

PENSTUBAL TALK TO PREMIERE ON 6 JULY

WIZZINT, MOON ISLAND - Penstubal has announced that a brand new talk show called Penstubal Talk is set to premiere on the TV channel Penstubal One owned by the Penstubal Post. "On this show we will have one smart, very intelligent, and talented individual come on it every single week and we will discuss the issues that matter to you, the penguins of Antarctica" said Penstubal, the CEO of the Penstubal Post. Already Penstubal has handed out invitation to a dozen noteworthy figures, including controversial ones such as Chill57181 and Lavender, both of whom are already reported to have rejected their invitations and disposed of them in many creative ways.

MI BASKETBALL DEFEATS ACADIA 94 - 85

JAHEESTI LINN - Moon Island's national basketball team triumphed over the Acadian national team in a friendly match, defeating Acadia in a 94 - 85 result that, at first glance, seems to be a pretty good win but in reality was very hard fought. The Acadian national team led multiple times over the Moon Island team, and got into a 41 - 43 lead by the end of the 2nd half. However, the Moon Islanders rebouncd after the halftime break and successfully scored a 9-point lead by the end of the match that they, of course, retained. The two teams congratulated each other and throughout the match Acadian and Moon Island fans sang various songs, some even together, to support their own teams.

OPINION: ACHADIA VIOLATES ACADIA'S RIGHT TO EXIST

CLUB PENGUIN ISLAND - Ever since the December crisis, the illegally propped up "Achadian" government has been bothering Brant Esser, Acadia and its inhabitants. A terrorist regime set up by Shops Island in order to further their world domination, they are violating Acadia's right to exist with their presence near their territory, and Hockey Manlet is very well aware of this. Acadia is right in its moves such as the February blockade of Achadia, during which Ed and Shops almost started a war to protect their selfish interests. Acadia stood up for itself, however, and rightly so, and should have gone a step further, and if Ed and Shops wanted a world war, then they can bring it on and indeed bring on their own final destruction. The penguins of Antarctica will no longer put up with their shenanigans, and it is time we say no to the bullying and aggression committed against borderline defenseless sovereign nations.

PENSTUBAL POST WORLD WEATHER

WEATHER - MOON ISLAND METEOROLOGICAL SOCIETY

MOON ISLAND - LOCAL NEWS

3 ARRESTED AT INCIDENT IN PENSTUBAL POST EVENT

SANEXANA, MOON ISLAND - Governor David Franklin announced he had a productive meeting with former Governor and incumbent Mayor of Dancing Penguin City, Dps04, on the construction of a brand new business center in the very heart of Dancing Penguin City. "We have agreed that a big business district will benefit the Moon Island economy and will lead to international companies moving here and hiring Moon Island workers" remarked Franklin, to the enthusiastic agreement of Dps04.

WE'RE WEALTHY - SO WHERE ARE THE ROADS?

DANCING PENGUIN CITY - A leftist member of the Moon Island Council sharply rebuked the government and Governor David Franklin, stating that the current administration "is the most useless administration ever". "We're a fine island. We're quite wealthy. We're outperforming, in so many ways, the rest of Shops Island. We're doing great! So where are the roads, Mister President? Where are they?!" he shouted at the President of the Council, in front of an empty chamber. "The Council couldn't even bother to show up to debate this issue. Where's the Council, Mister President?! This is a travesty, this Council is nothing more than a sham!"

The Council member's criticism was tired to the fact that the island has the least developed highway system out of nearly all wealthy regions in Antarctica. The country's only real highway is the one connecting Dancing Penguin City, Moon Island City and Wizzint, and, of course, the island is way more than just those three cities. The Governor has pledged to address the issue and has called the criticisms "valid", but so far there seems to have been only words and no action.

MAFIA, ORGANIZED CRIME AND MORE

SAN ANDERRIE - The southern city of San Anderrie is known by many things, but being crime-free is not one of them. Rather, to the contrary, San Anderrie is one of the cities in Shops Island with the highest crime rates and the most powerful mafia and other organized criminal gangs. The authorities in the Golden Coast region have taken steps to curb organized crime, but so far these efforts have been proven to be completely ineffective. The issue of organized crime has recently been recognized as a local emergency, and the city government is pleading the national government to assist it in fighting the problem.

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