Support Group for Spouses and Partners of Adults with Autism

Neurodiverse couples coach Barbara Grant has generously come to speak to us live about boundaries in mixed neurotype relationships, a vital aspect of wellbeing.

In this short video, Professor Tony Attwood introduces his book Relationship Counselling with Autistic Neurodiverse Couples and answers questions on autistic meltdowns vs. adult tantrums, why some autistic assessments come negative, autistic people struggling to reflect positive emotions, and counsellors (and partners) as translators.

Prof. Tony Attwood and Michelle Garnett recorded a video with answers to questions asked by members of our group. They discussed boundaries, responsibility for the impact of behaviour, resources for different neurotypes and much more.

In this brief interview, Dr. Inderbitzen talks to us about how an important part of our nervous system reacts to PERCEIVED SAFETY/THREAT. What fascinates me about this topic is that it highlights the fact that the adaptive survival states (i.e. the automatic impulses to lash out, flee, freeze, etc.) are NOT biologically compatible with the abiity to connect to others. In everyone. When we are in fight or flight mode, we can't connect with others. When our partners are having a meltdown or shutdown, there is no way they can connect with us. We could say that the social part of the brain is not available during those times of perceived threat.

Seth Perler is an American educator, speaker, and Executive Function coach who has ADHD. He has many videos on his own channel about Executive Function (the brain abilities that allow us to carry out tasks, such as planning, setting priorities, regulating emotions,  etc.). He usually makes a very interesting point, that executive functions work very much like the spokes on a bicycle wheel. If one (or several) spokes are not too tense or not tense enough, the whole wheel gets wonky. They are interdependent functions, which may be more or less available at different moments. That is why our spouses may sometimes do something really well, but then fail to do it the next time.