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I have not dealt with a lot of death in my family, or outside of it. Throughout my whole life i have only being to two funerals, my great grandma and my 7th grade teacher. When my great grandma died at the time, i was really young and quite honestly didn't understand what a funeral was. It felt more like a party or family hangout, which is weird to say but the concept of funerals never really made sense to me back then. At the time when the funeral happened i didn't really feel anything, which probably sounds weird but as time went on i understood it and what it all meant. That was the only death that happened to my family that was close to me. There was other members that passed but most of them lived in Mexico and i never hear about them until my mom tells me they passed.
About two years ago my mom was browsing Facebook as always and she followed a lot of people from my grammar school because she used to work there. She then came across a post about my 7th grade teacher passing. When she told me the news i didn't feel like she was gone, it felt like she was still somewhere out there. I think i felt this way because when i was in high school it always felt like my teachers where still with me, like everything they taught me was apart of them in me. I didn't go to the wake but i was at mass and saw them bury her. I saw her family crying, the ones she always talked about in class but yet it still feels like she is here, if that makes any sense.
The reason as to why i bring all of this up, is because back in my old neighborhood we would always drive past cemeteries with no people and i always thought of them as just a bunch of tombstones. As i moved over here in alsip, i drive past two cemeteries on my way here and just like back then, i thought of nothing more then some tombstones in a large area. Last week however, i was coming home from my Saturday class and i look over into the cemetery and for once i saw a girl with her little kid. They were both standing over one grave and it started to hit me, that person buried there meant something to them, that person had a impact in there live, it could be anyone but most importantly that person meant a lot to them. We kept driving and i saw another family, but this on was bigger, they where all surrounded one tombstone giving me the same feeling. We then drove to the other cemetery and there was tons of cars inside and since it was a red light i could get a good look at what was going on. There where people around the casket which was a strong oak wood and i spotted a little kid being sucked into his moms arms as she was crying but the little boy was just staring at the casket. It reminded of me back when I was at my first funeral not really sure how to act or what was going on. It started to click with me that those tombstones are people that mattered to someone, somehow, or someway that i'd probably never understand. This whole thing probably sounds weird but i have only thought of this recently, the most i ever experienced was just my friends telling me there grandparents, aunties, or uncles died and even then they didn't seem effected as they were young as well. I knew exactly what to do once i heard that this project was to unfamiliarized what was never really thought of. I always go past cemeteries and never really think about what i see or feel.
For one of the pictures i took i thought it would be best if i took them while it was sunny outside, instead of it raining and all gloomy like because i honestly hate that. I wanted it to be positive but not only that i also like to believe that a light is being shined upon us as a sign to not let this moment ruin you too. The rain also brings depressing thoughts, but the sun shines happy feelings into us. I like to think of it as remembering the good times and countless memories with the person. It's like what Dr. Seuss once said, "Don't cry that it's over, smile because it happened." Yes, it isn't easy to think of only positive feelings when losing someone close, but it's better then being trapped in a depressed pit that can take forever to crawl out of.
The reason why i got a photo looking gloomy is that i wanted it to be balanced out. You can only feel something good happening when something bad also happens. It's the end of the chapter and a new one must start, yes it's tough but that's how life is, constantly changing. There is some good out of change and bad, it's just to keep the scales balanced and not to tip over on one side too much. I just hope that death doesn't drive others mad and that they continue to be who they where meant to be.
Acknowledging what was truly going on in the cemetery wasn't the only thing that got unfamiliarized, but in fact on the corner of the first cemetery i pass i sometimes spot a homeless person on the corner wearing the same clothes and always holding his sign up. The first couple of times i saw him, i always thought it was a different person but in fact it was the same guy every time. I tried getting a picture of him, but sometimes he's there and other times he isn't so it's a little tough to catch him. I do honestly feel bad for him and all homeless people that have no where to go and do but beg for money from us. There are some case where a couple bad choices can lead you down that path, however some aren't and just unlucky. It sucks that a human being that has to have that life style and it's scary to think that this could happen to me or anyone in general. The thing about homeless people in general is that there's some that i see where i think, he can pull himself out of this lifestyle, but others i can tell that they use money from others to get another joint. This guy that's always camped up on that corner doesn't really give me the impression of using money to buy some drugs but you never know based off of appearance. The only thing i can do to help these people besides giving them money is to just hope that something makes them turn there life around to really experience life for what it is meant to be.
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