Ringtone

Like many others, I experienced a deterioration in my mental health during the quarantine. Amongst my symptoms was unsociability which in normal circumstances is eased by face-to-face interactions. However, during quarantine, technology was the predominant method of socialising. Therefore, relationship maintenance required more energy than I possessed, so I inadvertently isolated myself. I felt guilty for not being on my phone, so I put pressure on myself to socialise despite my lack of energy. "Ringtone" is a digital study which aims to capture this pressure and the feeling of being in my own company.

My isolation accentuated my other symptoms and propelled me into a depressive state. Despite this, I kept trying to study. I believe medical students are susceptible to toxic productivity. The intensity of the course, coupled with medical school culture, can create driven individuals that often neglect self-care.

Recovering began with prioritising my health and visiting my GP. My experience during these past months has made me consider my behaviour before COVID-19 and acknowledge my toxic productivity. I contemplated whether my deterioration was inevitable and how my inability to relax could affect me in the future. Hence, I cherish "Ringtone" because it's proof of me dedicating time to my hobby and relaxing. Additionally, I had to confront my guilt and understand that I don't have to consistently use technology as long as I communicate that to people. Overall, I now recognise I must continue putting my health first even after normalcy returns and throughout my medical career.