Death And Dying

It is a fact of life that death and dying are a part of it. There is no escaping it and, as far as we know, humans are the only living beings that are conscious of the fact that our time will come to an end. Without this lens, would we have the perspective to appreciate youth’s beauty or the wisdom of our elders? Sometimes, however, it seems so easy to forget that we will one day die. Usually we are thinking about more banal things like our plans with our friends, what we are going to have for dinner, or what our ex posted on Instagram. Outside of video games and movies, death has largely been hidden from the public view, occurring only in nursing homes and hospitals. And if you came from a healthy, privileged, and lucky family, the concept of death was not something that you faced on a daily basis.

Until COVID.

All of a sudden, the entire world was held hostage by a deadly, transmissible, airborne virus that did not distinguish its victims by how much money they had, the color of their skin, or how many Twitter followers they had. Of course, social disparities of health exacerbated the disease for the essential workers (often the poor and people of color), those with pre-existing conditions, and the elderly. But this was a disease that theoretically everyone could contract and die from. As of this writing, > 500,000 people have died from COVID in the United States. From lockdowns to social isolation to visits to the emergency room, COVID has impacted everyone in the US. Now, more than ever, people are confronted with their mortality.

The great philosophers and thinkers viewed the acknowledgement and acceptance of death as an opportunity to learn how to live. If you recognize that you will one day die and that the death is forever, then it should be apparent that 70 to 80 years of living is not that long. And while modern healthcare and technology are allowing people to live longer and longer, it is important to realize that not everyone is living a life of quality in their old age.

Regardless of how old you are, it might be instructive and beneficial to reflect on how you might face your own mortality. What if you were told you had only six months to live? How would you respond? What would you do? Who would you spend time with? Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross studied death and dying and identified five stages of death: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It is important to note that this is just a guideline of predictable emotions someone who is confronting death might face. Some might not face all of them and others might not progress through them in order. Some people might have set backs. Everyone is different and their path facing death is personal. It is important to be cognizant and sensitive to the variety ways a person might confront their own death.

As we progress through life, many people close to us will die. Some deaths will be take a greater toll than others. Sadness and grief are psychologically necessary and natural emotions after a significant death or loss. It is perfectly acceptable to take the time to mourn. Psychologists recommend that when someone close to us dies, one must accept the reality of the loss, work through the pain of grief, adjust to the new reality that the person is no longer present, and find emotional peace in order to move on. Once again, it is easier said than done. In many cases, it is helpful to have friends and family to lean on in time of sadness and death to help process the loss.

Contemplating death might seem like an abstract exercise when you are young, but thinking, accepting, and planning for our deaths can guide us in our paths to happiness or a meaningful life. It can help us understand our priorities, what is important to us, and how to treat the people around us. An awareness of death can also make us recognize that life comes with suffering, loneliness, and grief. How we choose to respond to these challenges and emotions is an important part of deciding who we want to be and how we hope to live.