3D

2026

2025

2023

Artist Statement: the Fear Monster's Story

My initial vision for my fear monster was for it to be a type of tree. I had heard about how trees can have very intricate and vast root systems, which allow them to communicate with each other and absorb the necessary nutrients to survive. The bottom portion of this sculpture is made of clay, and I wanted it to look like the base of a tree with roots that have been cut. A representation of my fear of codependency, and how that fear has pushed me to act in my relationships. I imagine this monster has severed its own roots in an attempt to distance itself from others, making sure it never becomes too reliant on anyone. Red paint at the end of each root implies that this action has caused pain to this monster, even though it has done this to itself. 

Having some sort of connection with other people is a basic need, like food and water, so I painted dull colors onto the body and used paper mache to construct a rigid and unhealthy-looking torso. This monster is starving itself and deteriorating because of its fear. Wire under the paper mache was used to emulate collarbones and create long, slim arms, wrapped around its body. It hugs itself, having nothing and nobody else to turn to for comfort. The most literal representation of one of my fears is the blue crystal-like objects sticking out of the monster. I am scared of suffering, including living in pain. The simplest way for me to convey this was by having the fake crystals pierce into the monster.

The third fear I chose to include is portrayed through the shape and color of the head. Green was chosen to relate to the idea of this monster being a tree with leaves at the top, but also because it is a color that many of us associate with what aliens might look like. This monster is a tree and comes from Earth. However, it is so scared of being rejected by others that it has chosen to make itself into an outcast. This fear is the source of my most consuming insecurities when it comes to “fitting in”. The monster is not exactly fearful of being judged by others, but of being rejected from places where it want to belong. Thus, the glass sphere is the natural head of the monster, and the paper mache structure around it is an illusion of the monster’s making. It copes with the insecurities of not belonging by deciding it does not belong anywhere or with anyone. It has chosen to be an alien, creating its own reason for its social isolation among other creatures on Earth. 

The shiny rhinestones on the monster’s face are tears. I chose rhinestones to show how the monster glorifies its pain. I have experienced very low points, and it only became more difficult when I became comfortable in my misery. The monster engages in a vicious cycle of romanticizing its pain and loneliness, further trapping itself in a self-sabotaging mindset. The crown is the monster’s ego. Flashy and very noticeable. The ego is not inherently bad within any of us, but when the entirety of our self-esteem, confidence, or sense of self-worth stems from it, we are put in an extremely vulnerable state of being. The crown is fragile, and the monster is so attached to it that when it begins to deteriorate, the monster does too. The crack in the crown pierces right through the monster’s third eye, blinding it to reality and restricting its clarity. It is unaware of the white beads in the clay tree trunk– its true value, its essence, its personality, and who it is “on the inside”. The beads have their own type of beauty, but the monster only sees the bigger, heavier crown. Eventually, the monster will value the crown more than itself. 

In the end, this monster is not something that I am afraid of, but something that I am afraid of becoming. This was not my intention when I began making plans for this project, but while building it, I realized that above all else I am scared of being controlled by my fears. The only difference between me and my monster is that it has let itself become trapped, and I will not.