Disaffiliation from my sorority: a chapter from my anti-racism journey

Both the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic and the national racial justice reckoning that occurred in 2020 profoundly changed the way I think and act. I thought I understood my privileges until the year unfolded as I sat safely in my parent’s house that overlooks a country club. At first, I became overwhelmed with anxiety, but even that felt privileged. I dedicated time to learning and unlearning. Ultimately, my thoughts and feelings translated into action and change. In the spring of 2020, leaving my sorority was one of the many steps I took in my anti-racism journey. To me, being part of an institution with both historical and present racism did not align with being an anti-racist leader.

Personal Importance of Work

In my decision to leave the Greek system, I lived up to my core value of respect and my “why”. From the very beginning of my sorority experience (Formal Fall Recruitment), I experienced racism, but I didn’t do anything about it because of my desire to fit in. I stopped respecting myself. By breaking from this toxic situation, I gained respect back. The value of respect also ties into my anti-racism journey. Affiliation with an institution that historically discriminated against people of color (and continues to remain problematic) does not align with respect for all people.

My why is deeply rooted in my core value of respect. As someone who seeks to be a good person who helps others, I realized the hypocrisy that my membership in a sorority displayed. I was neither dedicating time to self-improvement nor serving communities in need. In some ways, I was doing the opposite by allowing my tokenization.

Tasks Accomplished

• Positions during my time as an active member:

  • Interim Director of Lectureship

  • President of the Panhellenic Leadership Council

• Steps I took to leave:

  • Read about the racist history of sororities and fraternities

  • Journaled and reflected

  • Talked with my parents and friends (the latter virtually)

  • Engaged in the current “Abolish Greeklife” movement

  • Had difficult conversations with other members

  • Had difficult conversations with leadership

  • Completed paperwork for official disaffiliation

Leadership Competencies Gained

Reflection and Application

I appreciate this leadership competency in particular because it invokes action. I believe that true growth occurs when we apply something we’ve learned. I spent most of Spring 2020 in reflection. I reflected both independently as well as in community (with friends and family). I asked myself tough questions like, “am I truly anti-racist?” It didn’t take long to realize that I wasn’t showing up as an antiracist leader the ways I could and should. I applied this reflection when I made the decision to disaffiliate.

Decision-making

Even though it was easy to come to the conclusion that I had to leave my sorority, it wasn’t as easy to make the decision itself. My sorority was my comfort zone and the undergraduate life I knew. I didn’t know if my friends would follow, or if my reason for disaffiliation would be heard. At the end of the day; however, I had to do what was best for me. The COVID-19 pandemic brought so much uncertainty and self-doubt, but, ultimately, I made the decision confidently.

Personal Values

I briefly touched on the value of respect in this key learning experience’s “Personal Importance of Work”, but I’d like to take this opportunity to dive deeper. I always strive to act in accordance with my values, but there are times I’ve lost my way. My decision to disaffiliate, guided by my personal values, put me back on track to becoming my authentic self.

As I described in my second key learning experience, I lived a lot of my life checking boxes. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I made choices and decisions based on what I thought I should be doing, instead of critically thinking about what I wanted. In other words, I was going through the motions. I realized how wrong it was to remain part of an organization that I didn’t believe in, or gain meaning from. This key learning experience reminded me of the importance of having strong values, and using those values to guide you.

Providing Feedback

I provided feedback to chapter, regional, and national leadership. For example, my chapter president asked my advice on what the house should look like (assuming we return that fall). I also provided feedback during general forums created by chapter leadership. The most important lesson I learned from this part of my disaffiliation process was remembering to remain professional. During such a tumultuous time, everyone was going through immense stress. Providing feedback is important, but as with everything, there’s better ways to approach than others.

Responsibility for personal behavior

During my time in Greeklife I became complacent. This is my biggest regret. In an effort to make “friends'' and achieve the “undergraduate experience” there were times I sacrificed my values, my school work, and even my health. I wasn’t doing right by others or by myself. I had to reckon with choices I made.

In my reflection I realized how little responsibility is present in the Greeklife at large. From sexual assault to binge drinking, there are instances where accounabtily is actively discouraged. I don’t want to support a system like this.

Productive Relationships

Although my sorority experience was challenging, I did create a handful of solid relationships that I am very thankful for. Throughout the process of disaffiliation, I realized how true my friendships are. I confided in and reflected with my friends. In the end we all made the decision to leave. To me this shows that you can find community and connection even in weird ways or difficult situations. This is my silver lining.

Initiative

This competency is related to my artifact. Before I started CPFuture, I tried to organize within my sorority. Despite the countless Instagram stories my fellow members posted, the level of interest in action remained low and, albeit frustrating, it was not surprising. While taking time to work on myself, I also wanted to contribute to something bigger.. Leaving my sorority not only took initiative, but I also took the initiative to create CPFuture, a place within Common Power for my generation.

Lessons Learned and Future Oriented Statement

Throughout my process of disaffiliation I learned three major lessons. First, I learned that I needed to show up better as an anti-racist leader. This experience is just one chapter from my anti-racism journey. I also learned that I have to make decisions that are healthy for me and align with my values. Prior to this self-reckoning, I wasn’t thinking critically enough about the choices I made. Lastly, I learned the importance of surrounding myself with people who genuinely love and support me. I carry these lessons with me every day and will continue to learn from them in the future.