I am not fond of news, especially political news. I never like to read or watch anything related to politics or things that people should know as a citizen. I did not care about the outside world as I know I will definitely forget about it. 

Thus, when people talk about politics or trends, I have no idea what they are talking about. I know that I am out of touch with the world-changing thing but I never tried to do anything to approach the subject. It was either ignorant or indifferent of the thing that I should know for someone my age, or so what people are saying. 

Growing up, my belief is that whatever the outside world is doing, my personal feelings and actions are insignificant to everything. It was like watching a drama of the world happening around me but I am apathetic to those. Add to the fact that my grandma was my news anchor, she would tell me news coverage that was either sensationalized by herself or extreme bias included. Thus my ‘news channel’ was second-hand coverage and I remain out of the world’s status. 

It wasn't until the year 2017 that I realised my action as a citizen might impact my life. Voting for Prime Minister during that year was unsatisfactory for my grandma, who repeatedly reminds me to vote once I reach the age limit. I did vote for the first time in my life in the year 2022, I have no idea what I am feeling. It wasn't pride but something closer to tiredness as I was actually sick on the previous day. A few days later, it came to me that I have done something that can be seen as a proud Sarawakian. 

As I entered high school, it was a standard for people to know about politics and trends. It makes me more aware of the things happening around me especially for my classes. When I don’t know what people are talking about, it makes me feel out of place. I tried to read more current news or trends but I can't keep up with the change, I still feel apathetic to it. 

Now, I actively consume some news to the extent that I can understand by double-checking the facts. Although most of the news is related to entertainment rather than politics, I try to be involved in the situation that happens around my area. I am still isolating myself in my own world but compared to my younger self, I am open to being informed of a variety of context and facts. It is better to be aware and apathetic than stay ignorant and live within an imagined life.