whimsy

"Emergency Googly Eyes"

Apparently, occasionally, some people (or possibly space aliens) find me amusing. My spouse is not generally one of those people. Which I think is hilarious. At least I keep myself entertained (I grew up in the middle of nowhere, so I pretty much had to). That's really all that matters, right?!

RENAMING YOGA POSES FOR GREATER ACCURACY

May I introduce you to my exercise routine?

Let’s begin with the Awkward Otter. Now transition
into Unicorn Wanna-Be, through the Puffy Penguin pose.

Have you seen my Confused Cat? Not to mention

this new, improved Mystified Manta Ray. We get
a really good stretch here with the Cheerleading
Tryouts Reject stance, followed by a quick, always-popular

Sidewise Smelfie Stretch. Next, please allow me to oblige
you with an Oversized Lawn Dart demonstration,
gently morphing into a Pouty Porcupine (where my
masochist—er, former instructor—always tried to adjust me).

Just a few more! How about seven Soap Opera
Drama Mamas, all culminating into the graceful
and elegant Bungee Jumping Aftermath. This has been
your moment of Zen. You’re welcome.

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, 1st Place, 2023 Kansas Authors Club statewide contest, category: poetry, whimsy

Thanks to category judge David Romanda (and his comment that "this was gloriously imagistic"), as well as presenter and 2023 KAC poetry contest manager Gretchen Eick of Blue Cedar Press.

"A refreshing read. Sign me up for the Reluctant Adults Club."—David Romanda, 2023 KAC whimsy poetry category judge

WHAT AM I MADE OF?

I’m made of

sugar and spice

and alarm bells all night

puppy dog tails

turntables that fail

(… and fail, and fail …)

crocodile tears

and sight

for light years

ribbons and laces

attempted

mental stasis

that’s what reluctant

adults are

made of

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, 2nd place, 2023 Kansas Authors Club statewide contest, category: poetry, whimsy

[RAILROADED] *

When the worm departs

will the fruit regenerate,

substance replace void?

* KEY:†

Haiku: The author realizes this form of poetry doesn’t typically include titles. Hence, the brackets (a.k.a. cheating).

Railroad: Oxford Dictionary (verb): to press (someone) into doing something by rushing or coercing them.

Rhagoletis pomonella: Also known as the railroad worm, is a species of fruit fly, and a pest of several fruits, mainly apples.

†Yes, the key is part of the poem. And this part is, too. To make it longer (because the form is just so rushed; Yours Truly couldn’t resist the additional cheating). Which makes it hopefully more entertaining to You, Dear Reader. If you’ve read this far, please give yourself a gold star sticker and treat yourself to a nice piece of fresh fruit. Enjoy!

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, 2nd Place, 2023 Kansas Authors Club statewide contest, category: poetry, Japanese forms (because I had already entered the max into the "whimsy" category!)

Thanks again to category judge David Romanda, as well as presenter and 2023 KAC poetry contest manager Gretchen Eick of Blue Cedar Press. Photo by Sarah Jane Crespo.

PRESCRIBE

Do you suffer from mild to moderate
confusion, uncontrollable curiosity, echo chamber fatigue, chronic checklist-checking

syndrome, loneliness in a room full of people, unsolicited comments from colleagues

about your social skills, or a wardrobe imbalance due to a prevalence of blazers?
Then a Writing Workshop (WW™) may be right for you!
Clinical trials have shown that 8.5 out of 10 patients who took a WW™
demonstrated 77% improvement compared to those with no class,

or those who took a placebo such as a business seminar.
In a test of 1,234 patients, only 42 were hospitalized or died, mostly from natural causes.
Authorized for emergency use during an act of god such as a crisis of morale,
do not take a WW™ if you are allergic to
couplets, epitaphs, paradiastoles, telestichs, or
any stanzaic poem written in heptasyllabic or hendecasyllabic lines.

Ask your instructor or TA about any potential side effects.
Taken alone or when combined with certain substances, a WW™ could result in
loud dreams in color (including during waking hours), intense cravings for sashimi,

quizzical looks from strangers, spontaneous jazz percussion solos with household objects,

and/or proper existentialist dread.
Tests and samples may be required.
Call 1-800-RITE-NOW to begin your WW™ journey today!

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, Honorable Mention, 2023 Kansas Authors Club statewide contest, category: poetry, whimsy

FAT AND HAPPY, OLD AND WISE

I need bigger, thicker

spyglasses (er, that is)

wineglasses (no; wait)

eyeglasses for my face these days

Grab me one of those

maryjane joints [cough, cough]

tubs of joint compound (not it)

joint pain patches for these creaky old bones

It takes considerably more

cream cheese (oops)

whipped cream (I mean)

shaving cream to cover my thighs than it used to

My medicine cabinet needs more

gin and tonic [clears throat]

ginger (well, okay, but)

ginseng or gingko biloba—which is it?—for my failing memory

Could you help me find my

romantic aids (uh oh)

financial aid (maybe later, but)

hearing aids, please? What’s that, you say? Okay, I’ll stop.

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, Honorable Mention, 2021 Kansas Authors Club statewide contest, category: poetry, whimsy (and, yes, the strikethroughs are part of the poem)

Thanks to category judge Lori Brack, as well as presenter and poetry contest manager Linzi Garcia, and all the amazing folks (whether funny and/or serious) in the Kansas Authors Club.

Not sure how playful this is ... to each his own! ;-)

WHEN DID YOU FIRST REALIZE YOU WANTED TO BE (teaser)

...
But I knew somehow, in my

heart, my lungs, that I was

more flexible. That I could

...

#SorryNotSorry for the excerpt/teaser ... after all, we want you to actually buy the journal and support your local authors, publishers, whosits, and whatnots!

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, as published by Anamcara Press, LLC, only in the unabridged print version of The Write Bridge: Mind the Gap, Summer 2023, "Perilous & Playful" theme, thanks to Maureen ("Micki") Carroll, Amber Fraley, Ronda Miller, and colleagues.

ISBN: 978-1-960462-20-6

https://anamcara-press.com/product/the-write-bridge-journal-summer-2023-perilous-and-playful/

MUSEUM BALLROOM ON A SLOW DAY

The baby grand flirts from afar,

black lacquered lid beckoning.

Ivory and ebony wait beneath

for the vibration of your touch.

The empty room practically

gives you permission.

You cross the polished space,

stretch your hands and

wink to the guard,

perching yourself in elegance

on the cushioned bench.

The echoing silence simpers.

But then all

you can play

is “Chopsticks.”

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, poetry finalist (runner up)
Sheridan Edwards Review, Vol. 18
(Cover art by Cat Connolly)

One fish, two fish ... no, just one fish.

FROSH

She thinks she’s Paris Hilton

with the fuzzy moon

boots and hooker shorts, clutching

her cell phone as testimony

to her numerous friends.

She doesn’t need to even glance

at me as we pass

on the campus quad, tossing

her over-processed trendy hair,

swinging her overpriced designer

bag. I wear generic clothing;

I am nonexistent.

That’s okay. I don’t need

to hire her when

she applies for that campus job.

—Julie Ann Baker Brin, poetry finalist,
as published in Coelacanth, Vol. 1
ISBN: 9781475009682

A HORSE CAN KEEP BUSY ALL DAY LONG

snorting

and stamping

and shaking

and twitching

stomping

and chomping

and huffing

and kicking

puffing

and blowing

and rolling

and chewing

and generally

doing things

I’d never

get caught doing!

—Julie Ann Baker
as published in The Chronicle of the Horse, Vol. LIX, no. 4, 01/26/1996
(My first paid piece! A whopping $20!)

Evidently the creature depicted in the cover art is confused about what sort of animal it is.

See the page menu at the top for more. And thanks for visiting my portfolio site! —Julie Ann Baker Brin

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