Resolving Everyday Conflict
Resolving Everyday Conflict
By Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
By Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
"If you keep reading this book, you'll discover that conflict doesn't have to be painful or destructive. As you learn God's ways of resolving conflict, you can approach conflict as an opportunity to make relationships closer and stronger, to find solutions that are fair for everyone, and - best of all - to please and honor God" (p.7-8).
Conflict will always be a part of life, but it doesn't have to always be bad. Conflict is challenging, but it can be good if managed the right way, according to the Gospel.
"In the Bible, God gives us a powerful way to respond to conflict... God's approach begins with us understanding the gospel... Through the gospel, God treats us with extraordinary, unearned kindness. And his gracious response to us gives us power to respond to others in an entirely new way" (p.13).
What is Conflict?
"Conflict happens when you are at odds with another person over what you think, want, or do... Conflict begins when you don't get what you want" (p.14).
Causes of Conflict
"The Bible teaches that some conflicts come from God-given diversity" (p.16). "Other conflicts result from simple misunderstandings" (p.17).
"Although much conflict is the natural result of God-given diversity and simple misunderstanding, many conflicts are the result of sinful attitudes and desires that lead to sinful words and actions" (p.17).
"We have natural differences - but our sinful nature is really what makes conflict so destructive" (p.18). "The sinful root of conflict is really idolatry. As Christian, we know we should want what God wants, but when we allow an idol to control our hearts, we only want what we want. The cure for idolatry is to look to God himself, returning him to his rightful first place in our lives and deciding we want his will for us above any other desire" (p.19).
The Good News About Conflict
"Jesus said that our response to conflict can prove we are his followers... 'By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another' (John 13:35)" (p.20).
"The gospel is both vertical, bringing reconciliation between God and human beings, and horizontal, bringing peace between individual people and groups... So there is no reason why Christians can't experience complete relational health with each other - and to the extent it depends on them, with non-Christians (Romans 12:18)" (p.21).
Overcoming Conflict
"Peace is worth our greatest effort... As you learn God's design for true peacemaking throughout the rest of this book, may you find the peace we all so intensely desire" (p.22).
Radical Love for One Another
"Despite the conflicts we encounter every day of life, the Bible lays out what feels like an impossible vision for relationships... A world ruled by sin is a world ruled by self, so people never will experience real love apart from Christ. But Christians have been changed by the gospel" (p.24-25). Disciples of Christ will be identified by their love for one another (John 13:35). This is set against the backdrop of a sin-stained world. Only the Gospel makes real peace possible.
The Gospel Makes Peace Possible
In the Gospel, believers find not only the imperative for peace, they find the power to obey.
In Christ, believers are a new creation and God's likeness is restored in them. This is an ongoing process (sanctification), but it is true from the moment of justification on.
"The Lord continually works in our lives to change us into his image. Among other things, he constantly works in us to change how we deal with conflict. God's approach begins with us understanding how graciously he treats us through the gospel of Jesus Christ" (p.29).
"Understanding how kindly God treats us through the gospel of Jesus Christ is just the beginning of change. The gospel fuels peacemaking by inspiring and empowering us to seek after relational health we didn't think we could experience this side of heaven" (p.30).
A Transformed Life
"When God empowers you to treat others as he treats you, there's not a single part of your life that escapes the impact of the gospel. Here's just a glimpse:
You can love your enemies.
You can take initiative in resolving conflict.
You can admit your own faults.
You can make conflict an opportunity to witness.
The Power for Lasting Change
"The more we know and live in the gospel and all its implications, the more we will be transformed into Christlike peacemakers... What God has done for me (the indicative) always come before what I must do (the imperative)... If I really grasp and enjoy all the benefits of the gospel, the commands aren't a heavy list of rules. They are a joy" (p.32-33).
"When we fully receive mercy from God, it can't help but flow out. That's how the gospel changes relationships. The gospel, when fully appreciated and embraced, overflows. It's God's power for peacemaking" (p.34).