My Story

If you stumbled across this web site by whatever means, or for whatever reason, you may wonder why I set it up and what I intend to accomplish with it. Fair question. First, a couple of things about me: I'm a gay male living in the United States, and I'm saved. Most people know what being gay is all about. It means being homosexual. Most people understand what that is. But what does it mean to be saved? Saved from what?

As I see it, what I'm saved from is an eternity apart from God. Different people have different concepts about what that really is. Some call it Hell. Some call it the abyss. Some just call it nothingness. You can call it whatever you want, but to me, I just call it a never ending extent of time that I can neither hear or talk to God. If that sounds negative, if that sounds like a bummer, well, I guess it does because it is those things.

You see, I didn't create God. Yeah, that might be a surprise, but it's the truth. In fact, not only did I not create God, but it turns out that, of all crazy things in this world, God created me! Yeah, I'm His creation. And, matter of fact, so are you. And there's not a single thing we can do about it. Oh yes, we can destroy our bodies--you know, that thing you use to move about? But you certainly cannot destroy your soul. That is the essence of what you are, the part of you that will live forever and ever. So God created your soul, and so that soul can get around on this planet we live on, He gave you and me a body to hold it. Are you still with me on this?

So where does my homosexuality come into play here? How did I become homosexual? Maybe I filled out a form somewhere that said, “Please choose the sexual orientation you'd like to have, and remember that like donating money to the United States Government, your decision is final, irrevocable, and forever and ever. And have fun trying to change your mind later!”

No, I seriously doubt I filled out any such form. To be quite honest, I cannot tell you for sure how I became homosexual. But I can tell you when. Well, approximately when. By the age of three or four I knew something was different. I did not know what, but I just knew something was different about me from most of the other rug rats that I hung around with. Years later, like middle and high school, that became painfully obvious when all the other former rug rats started dating females, and I asked (stupidly), “Hey, why would you go and do something like that?” And they'd look at me like I just landed on the first spaceship from Mars, twist their face around a bit, and say, “Man, you're weird!” And I'd feel like crap for asking a stupid question like that. It was then that I realized that somewhere along the line there's like this switch in your brain that someone is supposed to throw that makes you stop liking guys so much and start liking girls. Not just tolerating girls, which all of us guys had done in our early teen and pre-teen years, but actually LIKING them.

Dang it! My switch did not flip. What the heck was wrong? What could I do about it? Was there some pill I could take to fix that? I mean we were in the age where a pill could solve almost any problem you had, so certainly there must be one for what I later learned was my homosexuality. Then I saw guys who actually admitted that they were homosexual become outcasts by society. It was as if they had some form of leprosy. That did not look very appealing to me. I mean, who the heck wants to be an outcast from society. Especially when you are a teenager, and really want decent and meaningful relationships? Oh crap, I said, this is not going to be good!

I was expected to be religious by my family, so I played along with that. But I did not understand most of it, and it certainly did not explain my emerging homosexuality. In fact, most of the religions I knew about said that all homosexuals head straight to hell, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. Bam, if you are gay when you die, you're toast in God's eyes, and banned from Heaven for a period of .... forever! Not only bummer on that, but double red-X bummer!

Man, I was getting really bummed by all of this. God creates me, then somehow and in some way I become different from all the other rug rats, and end up as a gay teenage boy who now cannot figure out how to flip that elusive switch in his brain that makes him like girls, and for that he gets to burn in Hell forever? I was really getting depressed about that! So much so that I decided on many occasions, “How dare you, God, I'm not going to take this stuff, I'm getting the heck out of Dodge!” That's when the suicide attempts started. I could not wait to get away from this crappy life. Death seemed so appealing to me.

I mean, if I'm going to spend eternity in Hell anyway, why wait 5 or 30 years to begin that life sentence? Why not start it now so I can at least avoid the human pain of dealing with this? I guess I sucked at suicide, or maybe I did not really want to die, because something really deep inside of me kept saying, “now if God created you because He loves you, and if you did not fill out some form saying that you WANTED to be gay, then why would he send you to Hell for eternity other than just for grins?”

And if I knew anything about God (and I did not know a lot) I was almost positive that He never did anything “just for grins.” That's not God's style. No, there had to be some method to this madness, but I could not figure it out for the life of me. So I wanted to figure that out before I off'd myself, but the pain of living was getting so great. I was a total and complete mess, and that's the sad truth. I figured that if I could not find the elusive switch that I could flip to make me straight like the other guys, maybe I'd flip the "MASTER OFF" switch and end my life on this planet, and with it, the pain of living a life of torment. Oh yeah, buddy, I knew I could find that switch. And once it is flipped, it's "game over" in this life!

One night while I was in college I had a particularly bad experience of rejection by a guy that totally devastated me, and that's when I said, “that's it--I'm outta here!” So I grabbed my trusty audio cassette recorder and left about two hours of a suicide note. I was hoping that my sad experience in this cruel world that I relayed via that tape would eventually be found and even maybe help someone to be able to help other screwed up guys like me. I was thinking they would discover my body and the tapes with a big note that read, “Hey stupid, my suicide note is on these cassette tapes!” (By the way, I've always kept the tapes for some reason, thinking that I might either use them for God's purposes or if I'm too lazy to write a future suicide note assuming that the reasons I gave for leaving this planet would more or less still remain the same.)

After I made the tapes, I got really tired, and lost consciousness. I think it was God who zonked me out so I would not go through with the suicide. The funny thing was that I did not wake up in Hell, or even Heaven. I woke up in my room, still alive and in one piece. What the heck! But I said to myself, “I think I will kill myself after my 8:30 Accounting class,” which is enough to drive any boy to suicide in and of itself. I mean, if you are going to spend eternity in Hell as I thought I was as a fully qualified homosexual, I might as well begin that Hell experience with a taste of it by sitting in yet another Accounting class!

But I guess that class went pretty well, I don't recall exactly. That rejection the night before that had spun me into a suicidal frenzy was a little more distant, and I think maybe a nice guy in that Accounting class talked to me or something like that, but for the time being I decided to live at least for a few hours longer. I mean, I can always kill myself TOMORROW I would reassure myself.

Well, I did not die in college, although I did attempt several halfhearted suicide attempts before I graduated. But I was a bit happier as time went on knowing that just maybe when I die I might not go directly to Hell. I was not sure about that, but it was nice to know that I might have a chance for Heaven after all. Yeah, a homosexual in Heaven, I used to laugh. But maybe this God really might be quirky enough to do something (“just for grins?”) that most churches in my era said would happen when pigs fly. Most churches told me I had a snowball's chance in a blistering Texas August day to get to Heaven if I'm gay. And that was the source of much of my angst and suicide attempts. I mean, was it really my fault that I could not figure out where that stupid “gay-straight” switch was in my brain so I could flip it?

Before I graduated, one afternoon I picked up a nice looking guy who was hitchhiking back to his apartment from class. I had known of Jesus Christ and all from my religious background, but really knew very little of WHY He did what he did, or how I could benefit from it. Anyway this guy in a very gentle way asks me if I knew anything about Jesus and what He did and why He did it. I really did not, and told him so, and this hitchhiker explained in a few words what Jesus was all about, and I was intrigued. That warm spring day in my Senior year in college began for me a lifelong journey to know everything about this Jesus Christ, and why He would do such a silly and dumb thing like die for me--me, the lowest of the low, a homosexual who struggles with love and acceptance, and certainly does not feel worthy to have the very Son of God die for my sins. Is that crazy or what!

That was many years ago. And a lot has happened since then. But the biggest thing that happened is that I, for the first time in my life understood a bit more why God made me, and even more amazingly, why He allowed His only Son, Jesus Christ to die for me so that this rotten worthless homosexual can have eternal life not in Hell, not in nothingness, but in the very throne room of the Creator of the whole universe! I still have trouble thinking such a thing could be true. And many churches would agree, bless their legalistic misguided hearts!

CONTINUING THE JOURNEY

This life long journey has led me to to understand one very simple, yet very profound fact: "God created all things, and especially us humans, for the purpose of worshiping Him and reflecting His eternal glory and power." This simple phrase is sufficient to explain everything that you see in God's universe; every object ever created or will ever be created; every act done by God in the past present or future; and every creature ever created in the universe including you and me. I believe it is 100% consistent with everything that God has done as documented in His Word, His Message to us, the Holy Bible. When I first realized this it seemed way too simplistic to me to be anything even close to realistic. But the more I examined it and the more I looked in the Holy Bible for wisdom and insight, the more it seemed to be realistic, logical and true. It also explained the purpose for which God created me. But I still had issues with my homosexuality.

Some people might cringe when I say that God is worthy of all glory by every creature in the universe. I mean, even the molecules glorify God in their own way, although they don't really have too much choice in that, unlike us free-will humans. Now it is clear that we human beings generally do not like people who seek glory for themselves. They are often self-centered egotists who think only of themselves and never would think of doing anything for anyone else unless it makes them look good and fits in their self-centered universe. I don't know a single person who really likes such a person. So naturally when I say that there is someone who seeks glory for Himself, people naturally assume the worst. And it turns out that negative assumption is sadly made even if that Person is God Himself.

"How dare God seek His own glory," some have actually complained, not fully realizing who it is they are really talking about.

"I don't want to worship or glorify a God who is so stuck on Himself," others might retort, thus giving God the same attributes and disdain that they'd give to a totally selfish and self-centered human being. However, those people are making the huge mistake of putting God into the same category they'd put a co-worker or someone else they know. This is an absolutely HUGE mistake, made by many out of ignorance, apathy, or just plain laziness to learn and apply the truth.

The purpose of this web site is to explore my homosexuality and my relationship to God and Jesus Christ. That is not as easy as it looks, for it can be a very complex system of thoughts and processes. I will also try and explain why I am staking my very soul and eternity on the belief that when my body finally reaches room temperature, that soul that God made for me will be transported into His holy presence--forever.

I have talked a lot about God's deserving of glory, which is true, and now drives my life. However, I don't want to overlook or misdirect anyone from the fact that God's love of us is not to be discounted in our relationship with Him. What I mean is that God is deserving of glory because after all that is why He made you and me. To glorify Him. Ok, I get that. But here's a kicker: God also loves you and me deeply and completely in ways that we truly cannot fully fathom due to our human sin nature. That truly is a bonus that I find amazing and wonderful! But sometimes Satan tells me it is not true, and even though he is the master liar, I get weak and actually believe him when he tells me God is not worthy of my love. But then eventually I realize it is a lie, and come back into the truth of Who God is.

God has, if you will, sweetened the deal of us worshiping Him because He really loves us. I know that I sometimes don't fully comprehend or understand that, and that frustrates me as I'm sure it does others as well. But I do know that He loves me, as a creature He formed out of dust, and that makes loving Him and worshiping Him that much more logical. That is because as a failed human being, is it far easier for me to honor, glorify and worship a God who loves me dearly than it would be to love and worship a God who hated me.

God loves you and me, and wants us to feel that love. Sometimes in this life that can be a challenge due to our sinful nature and tendency to listen to Satan's lies. It helps me put things in perspective when I recall the fact that Jesus Christ, God made man, came to Earth to live among us and teach us first hand how to live. I also remember that this Jesus did not just hop in His limo and head back up to Heaven after a month-long seminar at the Jerusalem Convention Center. No, He did the unthinkable, He went to the cross and paid 100% of the penalty for my sins, all of them. And He did this because He really loves you and me, and it was He and His Father who first loved each one of us before the foundation of the Earth. Love can do strange things like that. However, as Paul of Tarsus put it, I doubt any of us would go to the cross for another's sins, no matter how worthy they were. But Jesus did exactly that, and we were anything but worthy of His payment for our sins.

The reason that Christ's payment for our sins is so important is because in Heaven there can be no sin. No one who sins can enter Heaven, which is why Satan was kicked out on his butt when he rebelled against God. But since Christ paid the fine for my sins, they are washed away, cleaned off the record books, and I am now eligible to enter Heaven due only to His payment for the sins that would be impossible for me to make restitution for. However, I must lay claim to that payment made by Christ on my behalf in order for the sins to be wiped from the record books. It's not automatic.

So I worship God because 1) He loves me whom He created, 2) He made me for the purpose of glorifying Him with my life, and 3) He sent His only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to make satisfactory restitution as only a perfect lamb could, for my sins. It would be logical for me to function for the purpose for which I was created would it not? But also, since He loves me and His Son paid the price for my sins, it makes worshiping Him much more logical and rational.

God gave me eyes to see His amazing creation, to sit out on a starry night and look at the billions and billions of stars, galaxies, and that vast canvas upon which He has painted the most amazing of universes!! He gave me ears to hear the beauty of music, the sound of the wind gently blowing in the trees as I gaze up at His infinite universe, and to understand that in silence, I can hear the soft, quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit as He ministers to me. God gave me the sense of smell, so that I can enjoy not only the delicate beauty of a rose, but enjoy the wonderful fragrance of it as well.

All of my senses have been lovingly installed by God so that I can use them to glorify Him, and appreciate the fact that He has given these wonderful gifts to me so that I can both glorify Him and enjoy the things he has created to keep me alive and well because of His love for me. And He gave me a brain that has the ability to grasp, in its own small way, the unfathomable thought that the Son of God went to the cross for my sins, an act of love I honestly have trouble comprehending, while I do accept it with thanks and gratitude.

HOMOSEXUALITY AS PUNISHMENT?

For all my life I saw my homosexuality as a punishment for something. It dogged me like a bad disease, and I was very resentful toward God for allowing me to have to deal with it. I wanted to be heterosexual, and have a life like so many other heterosexuals which involves a spouse, children, a home in the suburbs with a nice lawn, good job, and 3.2 children. I thought that not having that would make it impossible for me to be happy. I did not have it, so naturally, I was not happy! For much of my adult life I struggled along, just waiting for death to end (what I thought was) my miserable existence.

I was homosexual, and hated that, hated myself, hated the whole world, and was not happy with God at all. Yes, I did acknowledge Him, and even talked to Him, and even tried to worship Him, but deep down, was completely and totally resentful toward Him. I also had a huge rebellious streak in me that made it very difficult to come to God with any level of humility. What a weird and unhappy irony to try and worship a God that you blame for all your ills! Pretty much needless to say, it was not getting me anywhere, because my brain realized the incongruity of that paradox of trying to worship and glorify a God that one cannot really love because of what turned out to be deep-seated resentment.

I have to admit that I had no idea what it really meant to glorify God. Glorifying God was just a phrase to me and virtually nothing more. I was miserable and waited for death, all the time hoping that God would have mercy on me and NOT send me directly to Hell when I died, but rather have pity on this miserable specimen of a human.

After all, I did on some level sort of understand early on a little that Jesus Christ did come and die for everyone's sins, including mine--although I did not really know why. I was sincerely hoping that would keep me out of Hell. So I feared God, but really did not truly and deeply love Him mainly because He refused to either "cure" my homosexuality or give me the object of my dreams. That object would be my handsome knight in shining armor to come and rescue me and help me "live happily ever after" because I was getting everything I wanted. I was a complete and total mess. Just existing. Not thriving, and certainly not able to share much with others who were homosexual. I essentially was going through the motions, but did not have any real emotional justification to love God.

LIVING AS A HOMOSEXUAL TODAY

Thanks to some spiritual maturity that I have been able to get from God, I have over the years come to discover that my homosexuality is not a punishment from Him but rather a challenge to live a life for God even when it is very difficult to do so. It certainly would have been possible for God to prevent me from experiencing a life of homosexuality but I'm beginning to understand that perhaps in His infinite wisdom He felt that I could give Him far more glory as a homosexual who meets and exceeds the challenges that are handed to him than one who would be straight and live a pretty typical vanilla life in the suburbs. In my own life God has revealed to me some of why I have faced what I have faced. I believe He has done this because He knew I would have great difficulty in sharing the information that I have without knowing personally something about where I have been and why I have been there.

Also, Paul, in his epistles, wrote a lot about pain. Paul was no stranger to pain. He also was no stranger to sin, especially earlier in his life before he came to know and embrace Jesus Christ. So if you, like me, ever have to deal with either emotional or physical pain, or sometimes hate the fact that you are a sinner, you are not alone. I highly recommend you read what Paul wrote, and you, like me, will say, “Hey, I can relate to that!”

THE HAND YOU AND I HAVE BEEN DEALT

While I don't think our lives are randomly chosen by God, I do think there is a certain amount of perceived randomness in who God decides will get what talents, what challenges, and where one will be born, and who will be one's parents as well as many other seeming random facts about each life. I say it is perceived randomness because that is how it appears to you and me. However that is because we cannot possibly understand God's big picture, that huge canvas of unimaginable size that He is painting upon with each of our individual lives and how they all fit together in His amazing structure. To you and me it would appear similar to God dealing a hand of cards to each individual when his or her soul is created by God. This deck of cards that each of us is dealt is different for every single one of us--no two individuals ever before created or ever after created has the exact same deck of cards dealt by God. To each of us this would seem to be a very random event, but in reality God knows exactly what He is doing even though we cannot possibly really understand nearly any of it. That is due to our infinitely small minds and our sin nature that causes us to be rebellious against God and ignorant of His ways. So to you and me we are dealt this hand of what seems like random cards and this may help define the talents that we have been given by God. I'm talking about talents such as music ability, mathematical ability, ability to learn and use languages, ability to deal effectively with other humans, just to name a few.

Also included in this seeming random deck of cards that each of us is dealt may be circumstances beyond which we have any control. Things such as who our parents are, what environment we are born into, and what kind of childhood we have, may all play a part in making us the teenager or adult that we ultimately will turn out to be. As an aside I would like to say this is why child abuse is such a serious issue and why I think that people who abuse young children are completely messing up the deck of cards that that child has been dealt. That unfortunately means that life for that person may be very difficult to live joyfully or effectively as they struggle to overcome the abuse that was thrown at them as a young child.

HOMOSEXUALITY MAY BE ONE OF THOSE CARDS

And yes I do include homosexuality in this particular dealing of cards. Not that God has made a person to be homosexual but that that is how it turned out possibly due to environmental, genetic or other characteristics that the individual may not have control over and ultimately, is a result of the sin nature that every single one of us inherits from our parents. I honestly don't know for sure how I became a homosexual, but all I know for sure is that somehow it happened. I also know that for me it was never a conscious choice. Ever. When I discovered that I was homosexual, I more or less embraced it as something I have to deal with; but instead of seeing it as a challenge, I saw it as a punishment and yet another reason to resent and rebel against God. So for most of my entire adult life from the time that I first discovered my homosexuality, I viewed it as a punishment from God, something that I hated in myself, something I resented God for, and ultimately something I thought I could learn to live with and survive in this life even though it kept me apart from God. And it certainly kept me from giving God the glory that He deserved.

Over time, I came to understand that regardless whatever hand of cards that I was dealt when I was born and in my childhood, that my goal in life must be, shall be, and can only be to glorify God. That is the only logical response to a all-powerful God who created me and truly and deeply loves me. I never realized this when I was growing up as a teenager, or as a young adult, or even years beyond that. And because of that ignorance of God's revelation about His love and my need to glorify Him, my life was much less than what it could have been and should have been in the realm of serving God and being available for His plans for my life. God's revelation to me explained that I cannot use homosexuality as an excuse to reject God, to rebel against God, or to feel sorry for myself. That deck of cards that I have been dealt is one that I'm thinking that God knew I could handle. It would not be easy, because life is seldom easy for any homosexual, no matter his or her spiritual situation or upbringing. But I could deal with that deck of cards I was dealt, and still manage to glorify God even though there would be much pain and torment in my life, especially in my teenage years.

A SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE CHOICE

For people like me who have the homosexuality card in the hand of cards that I ended up with in this life regardless of how that happened, I was faced with a choice that I did not want to have to make: to embrace Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross for me, or reject His free offer of eternal life and suffer an eternity apart from Him. Being homosexual was not a huge player in that except I felt rebellious and resentful to God, and therefore His Son as well. I knew I could not make myself straight, but eventually I decided to take the path of giving my life to Jesus Christ and letting Him transform me into the person He wants me to be. I still have a homosexual nature and desires, but as Paul wrote about many times, I would be a new creature in Christ but still confined to a sinful and corrupt body and flesh. I would now have more power given by the Holy Spirit to live a life that, while still homosexual, honors Jesus by living as He would have me live.And I'll be the first to say that it is easier said that done.

When I finally accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, deep down I was convicted by the Holy Spirit that the life I needed to live was one that did not include a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle. Because I had tried that life earlier on and found it to be empty, disappointing and degrading, and was actually fueling my tendency toward suicide, that decision was not too hard for me. I live a somewhat subdued life now, and actually find it more fulfilling because of the blessings I often receive from the Holy Spirit in striving to honor and glorify God alone.

CAN GOD BE GLORIFIED WITH MY STRUGGLE WITH BEING GAY?

When I was younger, I asked many times for God to "cure my homosexuality," to what seems to be no avail. I now understand a little better why maybe I was not "cured" of my homosexuality. That is because I now better understand that God can get a lot more glory in me living a life pleasing to Him in spite of my homosexuality than if He came into my life and removed those “homosexuality” cards that I had been dealt that allowed homosexuality to be a part of my life. God could certainly turn me into a straight robot should He desire, but where would be any glory for Him in that? How would His love of me be manifest if God merely turned me into an robot who had no free will? Ironically, neither I nor God would enjoy it if I became a robot. So on that God and I agree. Even if the result is more complicated, more challenging, and more painful than if I was just a robot at the beck and call of God.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

So what does this mean for any homosexual on a daily practical basis? That is difficult to answer in general because everyone's situation is going to be different. If a guy decides to give his life to Jesus Christ and live for Him, he may live a life that is more subdued and more mellow than a person who puts himself above Christ and does not care to be, as Paul used to say, a bond-servant of Jesus Christ. Both guys may still be homosexual, but how they live their lives will reflect their spiritual commitment and where their priorities lie. That is because a person who, while still being a homosexual, chooses to give his life to Jesus may have to settle for the fact that the reward waiting for him in heaven will be huge even though the reward in this life may not seem that great, and in fact may involve persecution and rejection by many people, including homosexuals and heterosexuals alike.

When I get discouraged from time to time because my life is not what I want it to be because I must suppress my rebellion against God, I have to remember that there is a huge reward awaiting me when I pass from this life into the next. That is because I daily attempt to bring glory to God to the greatest extent that I can. God does not expect perfection in any human, but He does want us to sincerely discipline ourselves, to seek His will for our lives, and to suppress the rebellious nature that is part of our sin nature. It is a sad commentary but true that part of the deck of cards that we inherited from our parents includes, unfortunately, the sin nature and rebellious attitude that afflicts us all.

So yes, I am still homosexual at the moment, God has not removed that from my life at this time. No, I have not been "cured," but I am now okay with that. After all, I don't really have much choice in that. But in spite of my homosexuality, I have chosen, and will continue to choose as God gives me the strength, to glorify Him every day by being as Christlike as possible, and using Him as my role model of how to live. He was perfect, I am not, but He did come down to earth to teach us in person how we should live in order to have an eternal place with Him when we die. I do believe that overcoming the daily challenges to my faith brings a lot of glory to God. And make no mistake, the challenges to any homosexual who wants to live a Christlike life are many and difficult.

As one who is still dealing with the "card deck" that includes homosexuality, I have a huge amount of love and empathy for my gay brothers and sisters who have the “card of homosexuality” in the deck of cards they now have before them. I can actually say that I face my homosexuality every day in my life and understand the pain and frustration caused by being homosexual, especially when I want to give glory to God alone.

CAN YOU RELATE TO MY STRUGGLE?

If you are a homosexual who has come across this web site, I want you to know that it is not my intention to put you into a major guilt trip concerning your homosexuality. However, I feel that I must lovingly and honestly share what I have learned about Jesus Christ. And that information has changed my life through the power and love I have received from Jesus Christ since I first embraced Him. Salvation through Jesus Christ is not something that one receives or obtains and then just hides it under their bed of no value to anyone else. Instead when one comes to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ and understands that their first and foremost goal in life is to bring glory to God and worship their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ every moment of every day, there is no choice but for them to share that information with everyone. That is in fact commanded by Christ of His followers. But that sharing has to be done lovingly and carefully, and not belligerently and self-righteously as the hypocrites do.

You may be a homosexual who is happy with your lifestyle and do not wish to change it. That is a choice that you must make and you will live that life as you deem proper for yourself. That is both the beauty and the terror of having this weird thing called free will. At some point you may come to realize that a life apart from Christ is in reality, an empty life. At least in my case it was, though it took me time to fully realize and understand that.

I will never cease to love you, my homosexual brothers and sisters even if you choose to not accept the free gift of eternal life offered by Jesus Christ. That is because just as God loves every one of you unconditionally, I am commanded by God to do likewise. But just because you love someone unconditionally does not mean that you do not look out for their welfare or warn them of things that they may stumble across that could be detrimental to their life or their health. But unlike heterosexuals I have a huge amount of empathy and deeper understanding and love for my fellow homosexuals.

GOD AND I BOTH HATE HYPOCRISY!

I must say a word about straight guys who love to preach “doom and gloom” to everyone who is homosexual. Their message is more often than not without a hint of even the tiniest part of love or caring. Like many homosexuals, I understand what it is like to be preached down to, that one will burn in hell for eternity because they are homosexual; in my teenage years, every time I heard that message, that actually pushed me farther from the cross of Christ, rather than closer to it. How sad. Which is why I want this web site to be materially different from most of the web sites that are so common and painful, run by Pharisees who think they are above sin, and may themselves find when they die that their name has been omitted from the “Book of Life” because of their hatred, self-righteousness and lack of Christlike love.

I am a still a homosexual, but one who has decided to live a life for Christ. I can do that by facing head on the hand of cards that I have been dealt and glorifying God by resisting the temptation to fall into sin, which for me would be to embrace the homosexual lifestyle. And make no mistake there was a time in my life where I very much embraced the homosexual lifestyle and planned to live that lifestyle until I died. So unlike other web sites that may preach to you from the cozy safety of heterosexuality, I am sharing my personal testimony of how God has reached out to me and pulled my soul from the depths of Hell while I was and still am homosexual. I am also learning how He wants me to reach out to other homosexuals with the saving knowledge of who Jesus Christ is, and what He did to ensure that anyone could have eternal life in Heaven. I am compelled to share that message with other homosexuals.

Bless you if you have read this far. Because that means you are really looking for answers. Looking for ideas on how to live. Maybe looking to give your life meaning and value and purpose. My prayer is that you who visit this website will in some way look inside yourself to ask if you are living a life that is bringing glory to God which is the reason that you were created. Perhaps this website will get you to think about your life and whether or not you want to face that same God at the end of your life that you have failed to glorify during your life.

The joy of knowing where one will spend eternity after one dies is a joy that is subtle but persistent. For the first time in my entire life I have no doubt where I will spend eternity and death absolutely has no grip or threat over me. If you wish to have that level of assurance of where you will spend eternity I invite you to explore other areas of this web site that may bring some wisdom or insight into your life, or at the very least, get you to thinking about some things. Look at some of the topics in the INDEX that have allowed me to expand on items that I think might be relevant to one who has been dealt the hand of cards that includes the card of homosexuality.

CHECK OUT THE OTHER AREAS OF THIS SITE

I invite you to look at the other segments of this web site, and hope that you will keep an open mind to the leading of the Holy Spirit as you look at your own situation and how it is that you should live. There can absolutely be no better way to live than knowing why you were created, and for what purpose God gave you life. My hope and prayer is that you will have that revealed to you by the gentle and loving persuasion of the Holy Spirit, motivated by the love of God for you and the redemption of Christ for your sins. As long as you are alive, it is never too late to clear the slate and begin anew in the fellowship, power and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. It is not an easy journey, but one that will be worthwhile, not only for today and tomorrow, but millions of years into the future.



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