Victorian State Championships 2023 - Mind Dances was selected as the A Grade Set Test Piece for the 2023 Victorian State Championships
Delivered as pdf only - Aust $125 (approx. UK£74 US$85 NZ$138)
Aust $160 (approx. UK£80 US$100 NZ$170)
via email fendallmusic@hotmail.com or message via Fendall Music Facebook to purchase
Notes:
pdf of full score supplied free on request.
with purchase, suggested combined 4-part percussion part also supplied, along with Sibelius file of percussion parts only for customisation by purchaser.
This is autobiographical, a 7 year period of my life where external events had severe personal consequences, and my previously self assured self woke in the early mornings, way before my body wanted. My mind would fret, regret, and attempt to fix things beyond my control or powers, carving out an anxiety-shaped hole in my soul.
This piece is an exploration of the sheer range of thought processes I went through, the mind dances I would perform to either calm myself back to sleep, or somehow come to terms with my situation.
So often I would get to the point of mental exhaustion after phases of semi-calm, imagined alternate realities, and sheer panic. Your mind knows there is no benefit to worrying, but that doesn’t stop the flow of emotions, the fear, and the anxiety.
“Shake it off! You're a bright person, drop the regret and think, plan, scheme” - and so start the mental gymnastics... “surely you can ‘Covey’ and ‘Ziglar’ your way through this?”
Fear and dread are forgotten for a while, while adventurous positivism attempts its turn at the helm. But the ship turns into bigger waves, headwinds blast, and the fury and anger become an all surrounding, all consuming storm.
It gets to a point where I’ve raked through everything, there are no new thoughts. I am left only with the sound of my breathing as I'm finally able to shut out the noise. My soul reaches a solid surface, rock bottom. Some call Him the invisible guy in the sky, but He is real to me, and always incredibly tangible at these moments.
Deep calls to Deep! A prayerful cry. I remember past promises made, of a future and a hope. A form of peace descends on my spirit. I could fall back to sleep, and sometimes I do.
I awake a second time, to face the daily circus. I know my situation won't be solved today, and there may even be backward steps, but the determination is there to get on with it, a supernatural strength drives me on. There is not a total victory, but there is a victory over the disquietude for today, a shift, and even some joy... until early the next morning.
After some years, it’s possible for the anxiety shaped hole to heal, maybe some listeners will relate to these mind dances. I pray you find peace.
Fendall Hill 2017