Me, in Leadership of This Research

I don’t approach this research as a distant or neutral observer—I come to it as someone who has lived within the system I’m now critically examining. My time in the military gave me firsthand insight into the culture, language, and values that define the Canadian Armed Forces. It also exposed me to the gendered hierarchies and subtle (and not-so-subtle) exclusions that shape the institution from the inside out.

As a feminist researcher, I lead this project with a sense of responsibility: to ask difficult questions, to center what is often dismissed, and to create space for perspectives that are usually pushed to the margins. I’m not just analyzing the exclusion of femininity from the CAF—I’m grappling with what it means to have participated in that space, to have felt both belonging and erasure.

My leadership in this project isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about staying accountable to the questions. It means making my own position visible—refusing the illusion of objectivity—and embracing the emotional, political, and intellectual labour that feminist research demands.

I use this blog as a methodological tool, but also as a space of resistance. It’s where I think through the contradictions of militarized feminism, institutional performance, and gendered expectations. It allows me to lead with curiosity, critique, and care—values that were often missing in the structures I once served within.

This project is my attempt to hold the institution accountable, but it’s also an act of self-accountability. I lead this work not just as a scholar, but as someone who knows what it feels like to be asked to “fit in” at the cost of being fully seen.