Why am I here?

As a doctoral student examining the systematic exclusion of femininity in the Canadian Armed Forces (CAF), I am using this blog as a living archive—part research journal, part methodological reflection. My dissertation asks: How does the systematic exclusion of femininity in the Canadian Armed Forces impact its culture, operations, and representation of service women?

This blog will serve as a space to reflect on that question, not just intellectually, but politically and personally. Feminist scholarship insists that research is never neutral. It demands a reflexive stance, one that interrogates power relations, centers lived experience, and resists the disembodied voice of so-called “objective” scholarship. For that reason, this blog will include informal notes, analytical threads, critical responses to literature, and moments of tension I experience throughout the research process.

I am particularly interested in the ways militarized institutions structure gendered expectations—where masculinity is normalized, and femininity is either marginalized or rendered invisible. This includes examining how policies on gender integration may superficially promote equity while failing to interrogate the masculinist culture underpinning military operations. I am also attentive to the impact this exclusion has on how service women are represented, whether in official discourse, media portrayals, or internal organizational narratives.

Maintaining a blog aligns with feminist epistemologies in several ways:

• Reflexivity: It allows me to remain accountable to my own position within the research. I am not separate from the systems I critique. My experiences, values, and assumptions will shape how I interpret and analyze data.

• Transparency: Rather than hiding the “messy” parts of research—the doubts, frustrations, or contradictions—I aim to surface them here. Knowledge production is never linear, and feminist researchers have long argued that clarity often comes through struggle.

• Resistance to Institutional Silencing: The formal dissertation format, while necessary, often leaves little room for the emotional and political labor that feminist inquiry entails. This blog offers an auxiliary space to name and reflect on what may not fit neatly into academic chapters.

• Living Methodology: Methodology is not a static decision made at the beginning of a project. It evolves. This blog will help me track that evolution and respond to the shifting demands of the research process.

Over the coming months, I will use this space to think aloud, pose questions, and collect fragments of insight. These entries are not final arguments; they are steps toward making sense of the structures I seek to critique. They are part of the feminist labor of witnessing and making visible what has long been obscured.

If you’re reading along—whether you’re a fellow researcher, feminist scholar, or someone interested in military institutions and gender—I welcome the conversation. Feminist inquiry thrives in dialogue.