Sometimes, when we're on a long journey—whether it's personal, professional, or emotional—we find ourselves completely exhausted. The finish line seems so far away, and the constant repetition of challenges can make it feel like we're stuck in an endless cycle. You might find yourself asking, Why me? Why can't I just break free from this? Is this all life has to offer?

I’ve been there. In fact, I’m in that season right now myself. But recently, helping a friend through their own journey reminded me of something important—the "Shoelace Theory." When we feel trapped in that cycle, it's easy to forget that even in the repetitive nature of life, growth is happening.

The Shoelace Theory

Think back to when you first learned how to tie your shoes—or perhaps when you taught a child to do so. The process is repetitive: the same motions, the same steps. Yet, no matter how many times you try, it never feels like exactly the same experience. At first, the process seems frustrating. But with each attempt, you learn something new, even if it's small—maybe you learned how to hold the “bunny ears” a little tighter, or how to go around the tree before going through.

The point is, every time you try, you’re walking away with something—skills, knowledge, a deeper understanding. You're changing, and you’re not the same person as when you began. That growth, even in the smallest form, means that each repetition isn’t exactly the same. You’re different, and that means every experience, no matter how familiar, has transformed in some way.

Life as a Continuous Journey

In life, we often feel like we're stuck in a loop. We face the same struggles, frustrations, and challenges. But what we don’t always realize is that with each round, we’re evolving. Like learning to tie our shoes, we’re becoming more skilled, more capable, more resilient. And the more we grow, the closer we get to our real finish line.

It’s not always about crossing the finish line as quickly as possible—it’s about what we learn along the way and who we become in the process. Sometimes, we don’t even realize that the finish line isn’t just a goal for us. It's a stepping stone to something bigger, something beyond ourselves. The lessons we learn and the strength we gain aren’t just for our benefit; they’re for those around us—our community, our friends, our families, and the world at large.

The Bigger Picture

Every season of struggle and growth is preparing us for something greater. Even though it may seem like the path is repeating itself, we are constantly evolving. Every challenge we face, no matter how similar it may seem, is an opportunity to refine our skills, develop new perspectives, and prepare ourselves to help others. The finish line isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of something new.

As we keep moving forward, let’s remind ourselves that the process is just as important as the destination. We may not always understand why we’re being shaped the way we are, but there’s always something greater at work. Embrace the journey, and look for the ways you're evolving along the way—because your growth doesn’t just change you, it has the potential to change the world around you.

Failure and procrastination are born out of one root cause: fear.
Remove fear, and they lose their power. They cannot stand on their own. They require fear to fuel their existence—so without it, they become nothing more than illusions, figments of our imagination.

So what happens when we choose to live and act without fear?

Instead of experiencing “failure,” we step into learning.
Instead of procrastinating, we step into participation.
Without fear, every moment becomes an opportunity—to understand, grow, stretch our capabilities, and receive the wisdom that teaches us who we are becoming.

Failure Is Just Feedback

When we don’t reach a projected goal, our perspective evolves. We stop labeling it as failure. We stop procrastinating because of the dreaded “what if.” Instead, we begin to see opportunity. We begin to recognize the treasure in the lesson.

Every time we learn something—no matter how small—we are changed.
And once we learn, we can never unlearn. That knowledge may get buried, but when life calls for it, our mind dusts it off and brings it back into action. Every lesson shifts us. Every shift changes how we respond. And because we are different, the results we produce can never be exactly the same.

The question becomes:
Do you want to inch your way through life, always arriving late to abundance?
Or do you want to take your world by leaps and bounds?

The Illusion of Delegation

Fear doesn’t always show up loudly. Sometimes, it hides under the mask of delegation.

True delegation empowers, elevates, and frees you.
But delegation done to avoid, hide, or escape responsibility is simply fear wearing nicer clothes. It becomes procrastination disguised as productivity. And when we consistently hand off what is meant for us—our growth, our challenges, our responsibilities—we hand off our victories too.

If everything that should belong to you ends up belonging to others, then you’re merely an extra in your own life story. A supporting character pretending to be the lead.

“Fake It Till You Make It” Is Not Enough

We’ve all heard the saying, “Fake it till you make it.” While well-meaning, it’s misguided.
When we fake something, we only create a likeness of the life we want—something that resembles authenticity, but never fully becomes it.

A better mantra is:
“Face it till you make it.”

Because when we face our challenges—our fears, our insecurities, our doubts—we allow transformation. We step into the evolution that makes true change possible. We stop mimicking who we want to become and start becoming it.

Facing the journey is what places us in the state of being.
No pretending.
No copying.
No “like.”

Just becoming.
Becoming who we are meant to be.
Becoming who we already are beneath the fear.

Just because we call something a name does not make it true.
A screwdriver can be used as a wedge, but it will never be a wedge.
We can treat someone like a spouse, but that does not make them a spouse.
A child can be raised to serve the emotional needs of a parent, but that will never make them that parent’s partner.

What it will do is confuse the child, distort their identity, and damage their future relationships.

When Roles Are Misplaced, People Are Harmed

There is a profound difference between caring for a parent and stepping into the emotional or relational role of a significant other. That boundary—between parent and child—exists for a reason. When it is crossed, even unintentionally, we force someone into an identity they were never created to carry.

This happens in many areas of life:

• People are assigned responsibilities that aren’t theirs.
  
  

• Individuals are pressured into roles they never chose.
  
  

• Children grow up thinking their worth is tied to meeting adult emotional needs.
  
  

• Adults live under labels they inherited rather than identities they discovered.
  
  

And then we wonder why they grow up with identity crises, unhealthy relationship patterns, or a constant feeling of not being “enough.” Often, it’s because they were taught to live as someone they were never meant to be.

Some people need to change more than what they do—
they need to change who they have been told they are.

Mislabeling Love

The same is true with love.

We can call something “love,” but that doesn’t make it love.

Sometimes it’s:

• infatuation,
  
  

• emotional dependency,
  
  

• fear of abandonment,
  
  

• control disguised as affection,
  
  

• or gratitude mistaken for intimacy.
  
  

But love has a nature of its own.
It cannot be manufactured by naming something “love.”
It must be lived.
It must be shown.
It must be true.

Why This Matters

When we mislabel relationships, we mis-shape people.

When we assign identities that don’t belong to someone, we rob them of the chance to discover who they truly are.

When we force roles, we force wounds.
When we ignore boundaries, we deny growth.
When we call something what it is not, everything built on that label eventually collapses.

The journey toward healing, truth, and wholeness begins with this simple but powerful question:

“Is this what it truly is, or is this only what I’ve been calling it?”

When we name things correctly, we free ourselves—and others—to live authentically, fully, and without distortion.