1. That thou hast her it is not all my grief,

2. And yet it may be said I loved her dearly,

3. That she hath thee, is of my wailing chief,

4. A loss in love that touches me more nearly.

5. Loving offenders, thus I will excuse ye,

6. Thou dost love her, because thou knowst I love her;

7. And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,

8. Suffering my friend for my sake to approve her,

9. If I lose thee, my loss is my love's gain,

10. And losing her, my friend hath found that loss,

11. Both find each other, and I lose both twain,

12. And both for my sake lay on me this cross,

13. But here's the joy, my friend and I are one,

14. Sweet flattery, then she loves but me alone.

My Friend and I

Dedication: To Henry

A reflection of the complex emotions that Elizabeth and Henry have toward the other and how their emotions are shaped by Oxford’s involvement.

1^st Quatrain: (1-4)

Explaining to Henry that even though Henry has Elizabeth (as a mother), it is not the source of all of Oxford’s grief, then of his love for Elizabeth (though in past tense). The problem as he points out is Elizabeth’s having Henry i.e. control of him, which is his chief complaint. That this represents his loss (in love).

2^nd Quatrain: (5-8)

An insightful piece on the relationship of the three. Henry loving Elizabeth because Oxford loves her and Elizabeth in turn allows with indifference Henry.

3rd Quatrain: (9-12)

Telling Henry that losing him would be Elizabeth's gain. But losing Elizabeth would be Henry's loss. Henry and Elizabeth's tangled estrangement is a double loss for Oxford. Again how each relates through him and thus burdens Oxford.

couplet (13-14),

Finishing with the tought that Henry is such a part of him that he is him and that Elizabeth's love of Oxford is thus a love of Henry.

Commentary:

The beginning lines explain that it is not Elizabeth being Henry’s mother that is the problem, it is what she does as his mother that is his cause and source of woe.

This is an important sonnet for revealing the true connections between the characters. It strikes me as somewhat odd that the poet, the youth, and both his mistress in this sonnet and the Dark Lady of the lower numbered sonnets should all be entangled so. Though clearly this would reveal a relationship between the youth and the poet that would be the preeminent force in the poet’s life, such a relationship should presumably be more reconcilable and understandable than the strange fascination that exists with him and his procreation than currently exists. What’s more this understanding of the sonnets as referring to the poet’s mistress when it is clearly to a woman, while to the youth when not, is a convenient way to skirt the obvious problems presented to the orthodoxy by these sonnets. It does of course nothing to resolve either who either the mistress is or the youth or the relationship to the poet of either. It does of course nothing to relate either character to the Dark Lady who appears to have been a mistress as well who miraculously also seems to also have a relationship to the youth. This jumbled mix of characters can hardly be compared to the parsimonious nature of the explanation offered here which explains all of these relationships so perfectly.

The thought that his friend and he are one may reflect the possibility that the two were actually combined to create the Hamlet character.

That the relationship is often thought between the young man and the mistress to be an affair between them is I would maintain not only unsubstantiated speculation, but also contradictory to this sonnet. Line 8 reveals once again the strained relationship between the youth and the woman that we saw with the Dark Lady sonnets.

While reconciling Oxford’s relationship to the Queen is also somewhat difficult given he was also a married man. His marriage is well known to have been both mostly estranged from the daughter of Elizabeth’s Lord Treasurer William Cecil (Lord Burghley) who not so coincidently was also the controller of his Wardship. A similar fate befell Henry (the 3^rd Earl of Southampton) who suffered a great penalty for refusing to marry what would have been his half-sister (Elizabeth Vere). The daughter of Oxford and Anne Cecil (a daughter Oxford was initially dubious of his own paternity).

It is thought that this would represent the beginning of a three sonnet sequence that details that the poet is sharing the youth with his mistress, as opposed to the beginning of the discussion of real nature of the triangle between the poet, the “mistress”, and the “youth”.