Jessie :"Welcome back to another episode of your favorite show, The Opposite Direction...
Spanking children is a widely debated topic.. Although most experts advise against corporal punishment, many parents still report spanking is an effective discipline strategy.
Let me introduce you to Mike, he is a preschool teacher graduated from the university of Illinois, and Jack who is a well known Pediatrician in Chicago , they are going to take over my show today, to explain this topic to the audience, both of them were raised in different environments, and both have different thoughts about this matter."
Mike:"I was never hit as a child, I have grown up to respect authority without the use of violence. I was raised in a household that did not believe in physical punishment. We were talked to, explained what was wrong , put in timeout. That being said, I understand there are certain situations that could warrant a swat on the butt. If you are disciplining your child because they ran out into the street or something, and they are giggling and not paying attention, a swat on the butt is a good way to get their attention. I am sure there are many reasons why a child could get a spanking. "
Jack :"Well, I was raised very differently, I was born and raised in the south, I was beat since I could remember. I am grateful for this experience and it has shaped me into the person I am today. I was popped and whooped in the face, butt, legs, with belts, hands, and anything else close enough. Surprisingly enough, I do not think my children should be punished the same way. I can understand your reasoning for what you are trying to achieve, and thanks for setting it out so clearly, I just do not see the need for physical punishment, It just does not work. Spanking and such, did not teach me not to do it, it taught me not to get caught. "
Mike: "Actually a week ago I was having a discussion with my coworkers, and the topic of hitting people came up and then drafted to hitting children. I said that I believe hitting children is only okay as long as it actually prevents something from happening again, it is not done out of anger, and it does not have any lasting effects either mentally or physically."
Jack: "Well, spanking children may increase their risk of mental disorder later in life, and it can lead to poor mental health in adulthood, including increased risk of depression, suicidal thoughts and alcohol abuse.
If you actually believe that spanking your child, and hurting his feelings and then smoothing things over gradually by smothering them with love, you are mistaken. Being very warm with a child whom you hit in this manner rarely makes things better."
Mike:" Just hear me out, If you automatically go to spanking your kids every time they do something wrong, you are a bad parent; however sometimes words just do not work, plain and simple. Yes, even if your kid is perfectly capable of understanding all the words you are saying, words alone do not always work, and no, taking away toys or belongings does not always work either. When your kid is given a warning saying that they will get spanked if they do not stop whatever bad behavior, then yeah, they need to be spanked, they need to learn that bad behaviors result in consequences. "
Jack: "Then why not bring this to adulthood as well, when talking does not work, just get physically violent. This is physical and mental abuse that is not needed, if you cannot raise your kids without hitting them, it is your fault not theirs, and that is how you fail as a caregiver. "
Mike: "I am not saying beat the crab out of your kids, I am saying a good tap will allow them to associate something bad with bad actions."
Jack: "Potato, potato. I was actually hit and yelled at as a child I now have anger issues because of it. I loose my temper and do yell sometimes but really try not to. I have never hit my children and they are both teenagers now. They are caring, well adjusted and doing well in school. This cycle would be hard to break, but do what you can do to not hit nor spank your children."
Mike:"I agree with you, but there are times I have seen children so spoiled that I have no idea of how to change their way of behaving. They be calling their parents on worst language possible, completely no respect to anyone. It was horrible. "
Jack: "I understand the principle, but violence does not make kids respect their parents, it makes them fear their parents, also think about it in practice, no matter how you slice it, you are teaching violence as a solution, and then trusting a kid who does not not know right from wrong to figure out one is righteous and one is not. You can get the same effect with no violence whatsoever, by taking away something the kid wants, or physically containing the kid if they are truly out of control. There is just no need for it. "
Mike: "Children do know the difference if you set rules for them beforehand. They will know breaking a rule is wrong. If they get spanked they will then understand it is because they did wrong, not because mom or dad was angry. Like I said as long as it was not done out of anger, also you have to include the reason why what they did was wrong. It would help greatly, and if you look at child psychology, spanking does absolutely nothing."
Jack: "In a kid's mind, spanking is the same thing as slapping them, they also do not make the connection that it is punishment, explaining to your kid why something, is wrong is much more effective than what seems to be taking your anger out on them. Physical pain no matter how slight, is never the best option for punishing children. "
Mike: "There is abuse and then there is a gentle smack on the butt coupled with a rebuke and a lesson, and look at us I have never got spanked as a child, yet I think it is effective, on the other hand you were physically abused, yet you do not think that is a solution."
Jack: "When I was in the sixth grade I was attacked and beaten up at school by bullies, day after day. I kept trying to get the authorities to do something about it, I tried to stay in areas away from the bullies, I tried to talk them out of it . Finally after months of this, I started punching back. I was not the best fighter, but I would not stop hitting back until eventually I wore them down. I spent months in detention because they always punished the kid who finished the fight not the one who started it, but finally they left me alone.
After that I never had to fight again. I used violence to solve a problem that required violence to solve, but I did not continue using violence where it was not needed. Humans have rather large brains that are able to determine when and where violence is needed and where it is not. "
Jack: "And violence is not needed to discipline a child, yet you are advocating child abuse. Weird. Also, I do not see how your self- defense story has anything to do with a parent using physical violence on a child."
Mike:" I did not advocate child abuse anywhere, I am going to stop right here."
Jessie: "Thank you for participating in tonight's show. I can see how whatever parenting style will work is fine, and there is a difference between abuse and punishment that both parents and children need to understand, no matter what a parent decides, communication and consistency is important. As you guys can tell this is an ongoing conversation, I think everyone has an opinion based on their childhood, and what is good for one may not be good for another. Each child needs to be taken into consideration, as well as, some kids do not respond well to certain ways of punishment."
Putting myself in someone else's shoes was not that hard for me even though I sometimes tend to become blind for other people's point of view. When I agree with something and talk to someone who disagree with the same subject and hear them out they can totally change my mind. Thankfully I am not a stubborn person who sticks to their position no matter what. I am not sure if I have developed the character as necessary since I only mentioned some bits of their lives growing up, but I think I did good on the argument, and got the way some people think right. Finding out how others think and what made them think this way is interesting. It showed me how dramatically different we can be; however, understanding them will not change the way they think, it will just make it easier to deal with them and their ideologies.