Stranger in Me

I am a girl who loves life, but life keeps letting me down. I missed on so many things in life due to carrying responsibilities at a young age, and in a way or another that affected my personality and made me someone I am not, but my goal is to better myself everyday. Masks are one of the things that everyone have in their closet. You cannot deny that. I am not saying it is a bad thing, but that depends on who you really are deep inside. Like anybody in this world, I am the most authentic when I am all alone, I do not care about what I am wearing, how my hair looks, or how I behave. Of course it is different when I am around people, even if it is my mom, maybe because I grew up away from her and basically I raised myself on my own. I have tried once or twice to give an appearance of participation, as Susan Sonatg described photography. I took this selfie and posted it on Snapchat, I liked the picture so I said why not let me post it. I received some nice responses from my family and friends that made me feel good about myself and made me take more pictures.

I am not perfect, though I accept who I am right now, but I seek to become a better version of myself everyday. I am a human being, I laugh, cry, get hurt and smile. A person who makes mistakes but learns from them. I am open minded. I love to meet people and make new friends, yet I am shy to do that. I am always eager to please, I focus on other people's feelings before my own. This trait makes me very likable, but leaves me blindly vulnerable. Each passing moment , good or bad is a new experience for me that makes me stronger. I am respectful, I know my limits . I am loyal, I give to the fullest, and also expect the same from the people I give it to. I am shy and naturally quiet , it is hard for me to think outside the box and that is my downfall. I like what I call it a me time, I like to pamper myself, take care of myself and present myself as good as I can. I am very warm and friendly, I do take offense when people are cold towards me, and that is something my ideal self needs to work on. Some desirable qualities that immediately come to my mind are: Love, honesty, happiness, smart, physically fit, wise, caring, goal oriented, family oriented, loyal, mature, and the list goes on, however while I find these appealing, I am not and I will never be all of them, yet I can strive to build on the traits I do possess.I would like my ideal self to be more adventurous, willing to try new things and eager to learn. I would also like to be more social, and make the first approach when it comes to talking to strangers. I am a Muslim girl who chose to wear the hijab, strangers usually do double takes on me when they see me, and they will develop many assumptions about me to try and figure out who I really am. My parents played a big role in making me who I am right now. My dad taught me how to be on time, how to be organized, how to be generous, kind and loving. My mom taught me how to be a good mother, she taught me how to respect older people, to treat people the way I want to be treated, she also taught me how to cook, how to clean, and so on. Life has the biggest role in building you up and shaping you from the experiences you go through, bad experiences might make people weaker or stronger. Personally they made me stronger and opened me eyes to see things from different perspectives. I am really innocent I do not see things the way some people see them because people have different interpretations to things or actions.

I love makeup, it gives me power and confidence, it is some kind of a mask. A harmful one. It is an artistic expression just like photographs. Susan Sontag said:'' To photograph is to appropriate the thing photographed." , that is how I like to represent myself to people. Every one who sees me will have his or her own way to judge and put a title on me. Just because some people think that makeup is hiding a lie underneath which that is not true and far away from the truth. This beauty mask is a away to express myself. I do not really care about what people think of me. It is who I am, I am an artist in my own way, and you cannot insult the artist whose canvas does not resonate with your idea of beauty. Do not attempt to find illuminations behind the reasons others choose to paint their faces. It is not your responsibility to understand their gifts because they are not your gifts to understand. "Do something natural!", " That is too much makeup!" That is what goes into people's heads. Before you frown and disapprove, be mindful. The decision to temporary conceal ones physical flaws is not reflective of self devaluation, or self hatred, so before you understand what makeup is, you must first know what makeup is not. It is not to hide Insecurity, cultural appropriation nor deception. Photographs and makeup are forms of art with many interpretations. I do not wear it to impress anyone and it is just makeup, it washes off. Simply humans being humans rejecting the narrow mindedness and limitations upon others, but I am not and will never be like that. In the age of Instagram, people can and do take pictures of their lives that actually do not represent their reality whatsoever, and according to Susan Sontag, photographs and the images in Plato's cave are " Mere images of the truth" I think that for Sontag, truth or reality stand for only "what we can see" and there is a difference between what we can see with our own eyes, and what we see with the camera. The self portrait shows the two sides of me, the innocent child-like side, and the more mature side. There is a child inside of me who wants to play and have fun, also there is a woman who wants to be smart and wise and the one who people would come to for advice. When I am wearing the left side'' the side with makeup'' I feel empowered, ready to do anything, yet shyness makes me fall behind, It is okay. One day I will overcome it and be the person who I want to be, and I can see myself having my dreams come true one day. At the end the person I am is always changing everyday and with every experience, so I cannot really define myself and my personality, explaining who you are is much deeper than words. Masks are within us, they change, you can put them on and off, you can use them right or wrong ,you can make them hide whatever you want, but you cannot hide who you really are. I hope one day we will all be on the same page, raw and authentic, and be who we want to be without the fear of being judged.