When his uncle Jackson told him the news about the new plantation, Van was uncertain whether to be overjoyed or repulsed by the idea and it had taken him several days to come to grips with everything that it entailed and decide if he was up to the challenge. He worked out in his mind how he could have his slave wife transferred to him without revealing their true relationship, and with Aunt Elizabeth gone it would be much easier to convince Jackson of his need for this particular slave since he knew for a fact that his uncle had a slave concubine right in this house, and that knowledge alone could give him a leg up, as it were. It amazed him that Elizabeth didn’t know, since she knew everything else, but he supposed her thoughts were filled with the upcoming birth of her first baby, a development he still found suspicious. However, it was none of his affair and he wished them the best, feeling a sense of belonging and family he’d never known as he awaited the birth of his own first child. Just then Jackson breezed by him, apparently on his way to his office and library and in a great hurry, so Van didn’t get a chance to talk to him but he determined he would do so at his earliest opportunity, even if it required him making an appointment.
Feeling thirsty after waiting for so long, he decided to stop in the kitchen and get a drink of something from Maggie so he tucked into the hallway that went under the master suites upstairs and found a new girl manning the cookery and assuming Maggie had left her there, he asked for a cold drink. She blushed and curtsied, then turned and practically ran down the stairs where they kept ale and wines, then right back up because she forgot to ask which he wanted, and he told her an ale would be fine, which caused her to twirl around so fast her skirts nearly tripped her, so he quietly admonished her to take her time, he was in no hurry and she left in a little less of a flurry than before. She took his advice, coming back up with a full pint of their best ale, along with some cheese and cured meat on a little plate which he was thankful for since he’d skipped breakfast this morning to wait for his uncle, and he told her so. Blushing again, she lowered her head and said, “You’re welcome, sir” and went back to her duties with a vigor that seemed to increase when he glanced her way, so he took the pint to the table in the breakfast nook and drank it at his leisure while he thought about this new girl. That he was thinking about her at all was an oddity in and of itself and he wasn’t sure what he should do about it. He was strangely attracted to her and although having relations with the servants was as natural to his peers as eating, it revolted him at the same time because of Rebekka and their baby that she carried in her womb, and yet he wanted to hold this girl and stroke her hair and make love to her. She was the exact opposite of his partner and seemed exotic in comparison, and now that Rebekka had reached her seventh month she no longer wanted to be intimate for fear of losing or harming the baby.
Practically growling to himself, Van wrenched himself out of his reveries and went out the big front doors that Joseph opened and held for him and headed out to the stables where he planned to ride Marvel until he got these rampant thoughts out of his head. On his way he passed by all the drying vegetables laid out on screen tables, quite frankly amazed at the quality and quantity of foods they raised here. As he reached the stable doors he suddenly smelled fire, and noticed some smoke coming from the back of the building so he quickly opened the doors, only to be pushed back by a wall of heat and flames that caught his clothes on fire. He dropped to the ground and rolled around until the flames were out and by that time the stable was engulfed in flames. He heard the horses screaming in their stalls and trying to get out so he jumped up and tried to go in but couldn’t get within twenty feet of it, and now others had come with water and were trying to get the fire under control to keep it from spreading. Van took the first spot and after what seemed an eternity they finally got the fire out, and he fell in a heap of sobs as he remembered the horrific sounds he’d heard while the horses burned alive, picturing the terror they endured. He hadn’t even felt this much emotion when his parents died and left him alone, but of course he hadn’t been there when it happened either. He heard the others around him, but their voices were indistinct and mumbled, making no sense at all and he lay there for over an hour while he went over the whole scenario a multitude of times and came to the same conclusion each time, blaming himself for letting his mind wander into forbidden territory and not paying close enough attention.
When he arose, Van was stiff from laying prone for so long, but he welcomed the pain as his due and stretched his muscles for about five minutes before he felt like walking. He felt like he had aged at least fifty years both in body and in spirit, and he hobbled to the house and made it to the kitchen where he sat at Maggie’s small table to rest. Maggie noticed him and brought him a mug of water and he drank it down in one gulp, then handed it back to her and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm, not realizing it left a black mark from the soot. Maggie returned with another mug and this time he drank it slowly and let it cool his mouth and throat and sat the mug down on the table, and as he looked up at her, Maggie bent down and hugged him tight for a long time, then she took the mug and left him alone. He watched her walking away and felt like he’d never known her before now, and the feelings that were overtaking him made him feel weak and light headed because what he felt was the love of a son for his mother and he believed that she felt the same. He sat there for a long time until Maggie told him she was done for the night and brought him a big plate of food along with some wine, and she smiled at him softly and said “Good night, and don’t fret too much. Every soul on this plantation is feeling like it was their fault and going through a deep grief right now so you are not alone. Any time you need me, you know where to find me.” and she patted him on the shoulder before she went down the hallway to her rooms. Van hadn’t even known he was hungry until he looked down at the food and took a bite just for Maggie’s sake since she had went to all that trouble, and in no time he was scraping the bottom of his plate, then he washed it all down with the house wine, letting out a long, loud belch afterwards. He got up and took his dishes to the sink and set them in the bottom, then went upstairs to his own rooms and took inventory of himself in the mirror over his chest of drawers and saw a man he didn’t recognize, a man older and wiser than the one who had looked back at him this morning. He went into the bathroom and shed his ruined clothes, which his valet picked up and took away immediately and Van got into the deep bathtub and dunked himself into the hot, fragrant water to loosen the grime on his face and in his hair. He took the wash rag that was hanging over the side of the tub and starting with his face, washed himself down and then scrubbed his head and hair under the water. Sherman, his valet, was waiting with hot water to rinse his hair and body off with and tonight the heat felt like fire and he had to make himself stand still while it engulfed his body, bringing back every moment of the tragedy in an instant. Van took the towel and dismissed the valet for the night, toweled his hair and himself until he was dry and dropped the towel on the floor in a heap, used the toilet and went to the mirror to comb his hair. Now the image looking back at him had a wide streak of white hair running from the left side of his face in his otherwise dark locks and eyes that held deep pain, a wizened visage that he barely knew as his own reflection.
Van studied the man he had become today, concluding that a man can withstand anything but it will change him irrevocably, molding him into another version of himself he might never have known otherwise. He promised the man in the mirror to be a new and better man, one he could be proud of, who had been beaten down but remained standing strong, and now he believed he had the backbone to ask Jackson for his slave wife and run the new plantation. His ideas were far different from his uncle’s but as long as he made a profit, there was no reason Van had to manage the slaves the way that Malcolm did, and he had every intention of having them work in the fields, but he would treat them as valued employees and provide them with better homes, let them grow their own foods and hold their own church meetings. In other words, treat them like human beings instead of property, and give them back some dignity. As always his blood boiled thinking about it, but he managed to push it down by telling himself he would soon have the power to make a change and he turned away with a new purpose to go with his new look and got dressed again, this time to go and see Rebekka.
He ran into Jackson in the hallway and his uncle did a double take when he saw him and they stopped and talked quietly for a while about the incident, and seeing the grief and fatigue on his uncle’s face Van decided that tonight wasn’t the time to talk about anything so serious and they went their separate ways. He went on downstairs using the servants stairway and came out on the south side, and taking a different route than usual he circumvented the little slave village and when he came to Rebekka’s cabin and he tapped lightly on the window sill using the code they had developed, and she came to the window and motioned him inside. Once he was in and she saw his face, Rebekka wrapped him in her arms and held him while she kissed his face and he kissed her back and held her for a long time. Then they went into the common room and sat with the rest of the family while he told them about the fire, receiving sympathy from everyone although no one said a word about his change in appearance, they just accepted him as always. This was the only place he had ever truly felt welcome and tonight he felt it more intensely than ever, which was one of the reasons he was working behind closed doors to free them all from slavery, and his resolve was stronger than ever. He didn’t stay too long since they had to be up so early, and on his way out he talked quietly with Rebekka and snuggled her for a while, rubbing her belly and feeling the baby move around inside her. Telling her that he loved her, and wishing her a good night, he dropped onto the ground and left in another direction than he had come in just in case his friend Malcolm was onto him, and he got back to the big house without any problems. Van went upstairs to his suite and got ready for bed, and since he had dismissed his valet for the night he had to stoke his own fireplace and pull up his covers, falling asleep practically the moment his head hit the soft pillow.