Chapter 4: Empathy

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution–NonCommercial–ShareAlike 4.0 International License (CC‑BY‑NC‑SA).

This chapter is written by Kara Flando, in conjunction with AI.

Learning Objectives

By the end of the chapter, learners will be able to:

Define empathy using language that connects the definition to self-regulation and self-compassion.
Define empathic distress.
Evaluate conversational responses as examples of healthy empathy or empathic distress using a 5-question quiz.
Identify strategies for using empathy, self-regulation, and self-compassion during conversations.
Analyze the benefits and potential challenges of empathy and share one pro or con with peers using the Kialo discussion board.

Introduction

Empathy is the ability to understand and connect with another person’s inner experience while remaining grounded in yourself. It involves noticing what another person may be thinking or feeling, connecting with some of their emotional experience, and responding in a supportive way. However, healthy empathy is not simply about taking on another person’s emotions. Self-compassion and self-regulation help us remain present with another person’s experience without becoming overwhelmed by it. In this chapter, you will explore the different forms of empathy, how empathy can develop into compassionate action, and how self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-compassion can support healthy empathy. You will also consider the potential benefits and challenges of empathy, including the risk of empathic distress.

Focus Questions

What is empathy, and how does it help us connect with others?
How do self-regulation and self-compassion support healthy empathy?
What are the benefits and potential challenges of empathy?
How can I practice empathy without becoming overwhelmed by another person’s emotions?

Chapter Summary

Empathy is the capacity to sense and share in another person’s inner experience while staying grounded in your own self-love. Cognitive empathy involves understanding what another person may be thinking or feeling, while affective empathy involves emotionally connecting with some of what another person is experiencing. Self-regulation and self-compassion help us remain present with another person’s emotions without becoming overwhelmed. This creates an opportunity for empathy to develop into compassionate action, which focuses on determining what may be helpful to the other person.

Because we cannot read another person’s mind, our assumptions about how someone feels may not always be accurate. Practicing empathy involves noticing our thoughts and emotions, asking questions to better understand another person’s experience, and considering our own capacity to offer support. When empathy becomes overwhelming and we shift our attention toward managing our own emotional distress, we may experience empathic distress. Developing self-compassion and self-regulation can help us maintain healthy boundaries while staying connected to others. This chapter also explores how empathy may have changed in a world increasingly shaped by technology and social media and invites you to consider the benefits and potential challenges of empathy in relationships and everyday interactions.

Describing Empathy

Empathy is the capacity to sense and share in another person's inner experience while staying grounded in your own self-love. Our ability to offer others a safe, nonjudgmental presence may be influenced by our ability to extend that same acceptance and compassion toward ourselves.

The word 'self' with a heart shape drawn in sand amidst scattered seashells on a beach by Cintia Bianco, licensed under CC BY 4.0. Used with permission under the Creative Commons license. https://www.pexels.com/photo/self-love-message-written-in-beach-sand-31782267/

How Self-Compassion and Self-Regulation Supports Empathy

What does self-compassion and self-regulation have to do with empathy?

Actually, a whole lot!

Self-compassion and self-regulation can help support healthy empathy.

According to the Compassionate Integrity Training manual, self-compassion is what helps empathy remain healthy and grounded rather than overwhelming (Ozawa-de Silva & Karlin, 2018).

Self-compassion can be a bridge that helps people regulate their own emotions, giving them the capacity to remain present and compassionate toward another person’s emotions without becoming overwhelmed. When people practice self-regulation and self-compassion, they may be better able to show empathy toward others. However, when self-regulation and self-compassion are lacking, people may be more vulnerable to empathic distress.

The risk of too much empathy is empathic distress. This can happen when another person’s emotional state starts to feel overwhelming. Instead of staying present and supporting the other person, they may become more focused on managing their own emotional response. Empathic distress can lead to feelings of hopelessness, withdrawal, or burnout rather than meaningful support.

There are Two Types of Empathy: Cognitive and Affective

Cognitive Empathy: understanding what another person may be thinking or feeling.

Affective Empathy: actually feeling some of what that person is experiencing.

The "Empathy to Compassion Pathway" image below shows a pathway to a compassionate response.

Cognitive empathy can be thought of as an important first part of the empathy process. It may sound like, “What is this person experiencing?”

Affective empathy involves emotionally connecting with some of what another person is experiencing. It may sound like, “Can I feel something of what they are experiencing?”

Self-regulation and self-compassion can then help us remain present with another person’s emotions without becoming overwhelmed. It may sound like, “Can I stay present with what they are experiencing while also staying grounded in myself?”

From there, empathy can develop into compassionate action, which asks, “What would help?”

Empathy to Compassion Pathway Image was created using Elicit and Compassionate Integrity Training pdf available on OER Commons under CC BY 4.0. by Kara Flando is licensed under CC BY 4.0

Healthy Empathy Vs. Empathic Distress

Observe the two photos below. Both photographs show two people in conversations.

Bring awareness to your thoughts or beliefs that appear while observing the people.

What emotions do you assume the people are feeling? Can you truly predict how someone is feeling just by observing them?

Two professionals in a conversation, sitting on armchairs with a white background, indoors by Tima Miroshnichenko, licensed under CC BY 4.0. Used with permission under the Creative Commons license. https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-interviewing-a-man-5336969/

Two people in a social conversation indoors was created by Claude by Kara Flando licensed under CC BY 4.0.

Check your capacity before you give empathy

You can't read minds — pause, ask, and check in with yourself first

Pause and notice

Notice your own thoughts and how you're interpreting their emotions.

2. Ask, don't assume

Your read on their feelings might be wrong. Check it with a question.

3. Check yourself

Once you understand them, notice your own emotions too.

4. Decide your capacity

Choose what type and level of empathy you can offer right now.

For example: You notice a colleague or friend may be feeling worried. You might ask, “I notice you seem worried. How are you feeling?” As you listen to their answer, notice your own emotions and reactions. This awareness can help you stay present and respond with empathy rather than reacting automatically.

Empathy is a valuable emotional intelligence skill, but empathy without self-regulation can become overwhelming. Self-compassion and self-regulation help us stay connected to another person's experience without taking on their emotions as our own.

Knowledge Check: 5 Question Quiz Below

Take the quiz below to decide whether the response in a conversation shows "healthy empathy" or "empathic distress".

Please note, the quiz does not provide any feedback or total score. This quiz gives you exposure to evaluating and noticing the differences in empathy, but unfortunately, you will not receive any real-time feedback. Quiz answers are provided in the collapsible section below labled "Quiz Feedback."

Quiz Feedback

Question #1. Person A says: “I failed my exam and I feel embarrassed.”

Person B responds: “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through that. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Answer: Healthy Empathy

Question #2. Person A says: “My parents are getting divorced, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

Person B responds: “Oh no, that’s awful. I can’t stop thinking about how terrible that is. I feel overwhelmed just hearing about it.”

Answer: Empathic Distress

Question #3. Person A says: “I didn’t make the team, and I feel like giving up.”

Person B responds: “I can see why you feel disappointed. That really hurts, but it doesn’t define your ability or your future.”

Answer: Healthy Empathy

Question #4. Person A says: “My friend stopped talking to me, and I don’t know why.”

Person B responds: “That makes me so upset for you that now I feel upset all day too. I don’t even know what to do with these feelings.”

Answer: Empathic Distress

Question #5. Person A says: “I’ve been so stressed with school that I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Person B responds: “That sounds exhausting. I’m glad you shared it with me. What kind of support would feel helpful right now?”

Answer: Healthy Empathy

Watch the YouTube Video

Click on the YouTube video below to hear Simon Baron-Cohen share his scientific research on empathy, including how it develops and how different factors can affect it.

Questions to Consider:

Think about a time when you made an effort to understand how someone else was feeling. What happened, and how did understanding their feelings help you see the situation from their perspective? How can considering another person’s feelings help you manage conflict when you disagree with a friend or colleague?
How do you think empathy has evolved or changed in our world today compared to the past? Some people believe that technology and social media have caused an erosion (wearing away) of empathy because we spend less time talking face-to-face. Others believe empathy has grown because we have greater access to connect with and learn from people all over the world. What do you think?

The erosion of empathy by Simon Baron Cohen is licensed under CC BY 4.0 Used with permission under the Creative Commons license.

Key Takeaways

Empathy is the capacity to sense and share in another person’s inner experience while remaining grounded in yourself.
Cognitive empathy involves understanding what another person may be thinking or feeling, while affective empathy involves emotionally connecting with some of their experience.
Asking questions and listening can help us clarify another person’s feelings rather than relying on assumptions.
Self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-compassion help us recognize our own emotions and determine our capacity to offer empathy.
Empathic distress can occur when another person’s emotions become overwhelming and we become focused on managing our own distress.
Empathy can develop into compassionate action by shifting from understanding what someone is experiencing to asking, “What would help?”
Empathy can strengthen relationships, support conflict management, and help us understand different perspectives.

Now that you have completed reading and engaging with Chapter 4, you have an opportunity to share your thoughts with your peers. Take some time to consider the benefits and potential challenges of empathy. Share your response on the discussion board below.

Discussion Board Opportunity

Connect with peers about the pros and cons of empathy using the Kialo discussion board below.

Pros: What are the benefits of empathy? How can empathy help ourselves, others, or our relationships?

Cons: What are the challenges or potential drawbacks of empathy? When might empathy become difficult, overwhelming, or unhelpful?

CC BY‑NC‑SA License

All original instructional materials in this chapter are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution–NonCommercial–ShareAlike (CC BY‑NC‑SA) license. This license permits users to share and adapt the materials for non‑commercial purposes, provided appropriate credit is given, and any derivative works are distributed under the same license.

Author: Kara Flando

University of Tampa — Instructional Design & Technology

References

Artistic paper craft of a question mark symbol on a textured green surface. Ideal for conceptual projects by Leeloo the First, licensed under CC BY 4.0. Used with permission under the Creative Commons license. https://www.pexels.com/photo/question-mark-on-paper-crafts-5428828/

Bianco, C. (2025). Self Love [Photograph]. Pexels. https://www.pexels.com/photo/self-love-message-written-in-beach-sand-31782267/

Cohen, S. B. (2012, September 12). The erosion of empathy [Video]. TED. https://youtu.be/nXcU8x_xK18?si=iK4Vm_GQxGh12vf3

Miroshnichenko, T. (2020). [Two professionals in a conversation, sitting on armchairs with a white background, indoors] [Photograph]. Pexels. https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-interviewing-a-man-5336969/

Ozawa-de Silva, B & Karlin, M. (2018). Compassionate Integrity Training. Retrieved August 8, 2026, from https://oercommons.org/courseware/lesson/108684/overview

The discussion board Web 2.0 activity was created using Kialo by Kara Flando licensed under CC BY 4.0 https://www.kialo-edu.com/p/73847a97-9e89-4f76-b743-ba54432ab6d1/690743

The knowledge check Web 2.0 quiz was created using Typeform by Kara Flando licensed under CC BY 4.0 https://form.typeform.com/to/zBjWVDDa

Thoughtful black and white portrait of a bearded man with facial hair, pondering indoors by RDNS Stock Project, licensed under CC BY 4.0. Used with permission under the Creative Commons license. https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-and-white-photo-of-a-man-8217832/

Two smiley balls representing opposite emotions on a blue background by Sadi Hockmuller, licensed under CC BY 4.0. Used with permission under the Creative Commons license. https://www.pexels.com/photo/contrasting-emotions-on-smiley-balls-29205873/

Yellow Easter eggs with emoji faces in a carton on white background by Roman Odintsov, licensed under CC BY 4.0. Used with permission under the Creative Commons license.https://www.pexels.com/photo/eggs-with-humorous-emoticons-painted-on-them-in-an-egg-carton-6898862/

AI Transparency

Claude was used to help create a definition for empathy. Kara Flando reviewed, verified and edited content for accuracy. I take full responsibility for the authorship of this work and confirm it is not plagiarized.

Elicit was used to help summarize the key points in the Compassionate Integrity Training pdf available on OER Commons under CC BY 4.0. I reviewed, verified, and edited content for accuracy. Kara Flando takes full responsibility for the authorship of this work and confirm it is not plagiarized.

MagicSchool.AI was used to help generate two questions for students to consider before watching the TEDx Talks video on YouTube. Kara Flando reviewed, verified, and edited content for accuracy. I take full responsibility for the authorship of this work and confirm it is not plagiarized.

ChatGPT was used for creating the introduction, chapter summary and key takeaway sections in chapter 4 of Emotional Intelligence a Practical Guide by Kara Flando is licensed under CC BY 4.0 I reviewed, edited and verified content for accuracy. Kara Flando takes full responsibility for the authorship of this work and confirm it is not plagiarized.

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