I Wrote a Letter to My Love
First published in the Glow International. This article has been slightly expanded to include mention of Irwin Luck’s letter.
Dear Baba:
I was reading Lord Meher the other day and was struck by an anecdote in which Henry Kashouty described how You directed those who attended the East-West Gathering in 1962 to write to You on their return home. Henry comments, “This instruction from Baba weighed heavily on my mind. I struggled without success to say from my heart what should be said to him, but could not find the words. My delay in responding was a constant anxiety.” Finally, after learning that Baba had inquired, “Where is Henry’s letter?” he sat down in the early morning hours while a thunderstorm raged outside and wrote the following:
Beloved,
My words to you, oh my Beloved, cannot be purer than I am and my heart aches.
Oh Poet, I have no words for you and my dumbness is like stone that tries to cry out before you pass.
I have no eyes to see you and my tears find no escape.
These brutish hands hold no gift for the child of Light.
Oh Magic Baba, will you tell Baba I love him? Will you look at him for me, will you carry a gift to him for me?
I am yours for Eternity.
There was more than one such occasion when You would request such letters from Your lovers. Naosherwan Anzar reports: “I remember going through convulsions of the mind when we received a note from Beloved Baba asking us to write to Him. I would delay and procrastinate—and a cable would come from Him asking why a letter had not been sent!”
How easy it is to identify with the anxiety, longing, and frustration some have felt about finding the right words to pen to You, Baba. (I say “some” because last night Darwin Shaw told me with a blissful smile that he did not feel at a loss for words when writing to You.) Although I never had the opportunity to write to You, I have wondered what I would have said if You had asked me for a letter. What kinds of things would I say to You, and how would I say them?
The thought of writing to the Highest of the High could make a person nervous! Wouldn’t we have to be accomplished poets in order to properly address the Lord of the Universe? In some of the published letters to You that I have read, Your lovers speak in elevated language to give voice to feelings that cannot be contained in ordinary words.
“It is a great thrill to sit on the brims of Your Fountain of Love and to watch the glittering waters dancing and playing about in mirth,” wrote Arnavaz Dadachanji, whom you encouraged to write You weekly in the late 1930s. In a letter that took her two days to complete, she exclaims: “Thou art an ocean of Love which can never be evaporated, however strong the heat may be! Thousands may drink to quench their thirst, but it can never exhaust. Thou hast entangled all in the web of Thy Divine Love. We have all plunged in and now we have become helpless to escape from this spiritual web.” Looking back on her efforts, Arnavaz finds the wording awkward but adds: “such are the expressions of a beginner who has just taken the first steps on the path of God, who is all love.” I feel that Arnavaz’s exalted speech is not stilted but quite natural and beautiful, because it is so obviously from the heart. Jane Barry Haynes, in her first letter to You, in 1957, also strikes a sublime yet natural note when she says, “As the sea sings aloud and the trees whisper, so my heart longs to meet with Yours.”
As the all-sufficient One, You do not need our praise and thanks, but You graciously accept and at times enjoy them as the play of lover and Beloved. In the process of trying to put praise and gratitude into words, we can discover our own spontaneous language of love with which to commune with You.
Irwin Luck sent You a letter-poem titled “Man to God” in 1963 in which he expressed many emotions evoked by the fact that once he did not know who You were—but now he does.
Once I didn’t know who you were.
I didn’t know your love and compassion
I thought it was a fairy tale
Only children could believe
Till I found out
You are my God indeed.
Mani wrote back to Irwin: “The song of your heart in your letter . . . made Baba happy, as God is always hungry for love and you are dear to Him.”
I suspect You enjoy expressions of intimacy the most, because You want us to feel close to You as our constant companion. You often encouraged Your lovers to tell You the small details of their daily lives as well as the important events. Arnavaz reveals that she would write long letters to You about her difficulties and sufferings. The Haynes family wrote in 1965 of their life in Myrtle Beach, Jane overflowing with joy at Your permitting the family to live in sight of Your House on Meher Center, and Wendy telling You: “My dear little pets, cat and dog, Puff and Buff, love You too. Their little souls, full of eager love, seem to sense that there is a Master in our family, as they both often gaze at Your pictures around the rooms interestedly. They, too, send their love to You, with a ‘Bow Wow!’ and a ‘Meow!’” John Haynes told You about his major at college and also confided, “I can only pray for Your guidance, Baba, and think of You in everything I do. For I must do my best always and if I think of You first, Baba, I will know which path to take.” And Charles wrote: “Today I saw a baby squirrel in the Center. He looked at me as if to say, ‘I am a blessed squirrel.’”
Loving concern for Your comfort and happiness is often expressed to You in letters from Your lovers. Kitty Davy wrote, following the East-West Gathering in 1962, “Beloved Baba, we hope … the great gathering has not been too much strain on Your physical health and that after the quiet of Meherazad You will feel rested a bit.” In his 1965 letter, Charles Haynes said, “Father, you are kind, even as You suffer and work universally, to listen to all our words which are empty and small. Fortunately You know our hearts, making words unnecessary.” Jane wrote in 1962, “I pray that You do not suffer, though I know that You must.”
Though You know all hearts, it must have been only natural for Your correspondents to sometimes put in a small request or expression of their longings. Over the years, You no doubt received letters asking for favors of all kinds, from material boons to spiritual experiences. But it seems that the requests that please You most are aimed at drawing nearer to Your love: “When shall I once again have the pleasure of drinking the Divine waters from the tap of Thy feet?” (Arnavaz). “Please, dear Baba, help me to be more worthy of Your blessing; to obey Your wishes and to love You more and more!” (Wendy).
These few published letters offer some valuable tips on what direction I might have taken if I had ever been invited to write to You. But now that I have looked at them closely and thought about them, it occurs to me—why not write a letter to You now? If I feel inspired to do so, then surely that counts as an invitation from You. Putting into words my feelings, struggles, thoughts, and aspirations will probably not be easy. Several years ago, when I tried out Don Stevens’s suggestion of telling our problems to You out loud, I found it excruciatingly hard to do. But writing comes a little easier to me.
Baba, I will write to you this very day. Perhaps I will dare to try expressing the inexpressible wonder of Your praise; maybe I will thank You for Your untold gifts and mercies; I could try telling some jokes or stories to ease Your burden; or I might just pour out my troubles and ask for Your help. But I feel that whatever I write, if I am honest and natural, and speak from the heart, You will receive my letter, somehow, somewhere. I am encouraged by Henry Kashouty’s comment about his letter to You: “Adi K. Irani later told me that after my response was read to Baba, he placed his hand over his heart.” It makes me feel that just by trying my best, I may hope to please You.
With a heart beating only for You,
Kendra
References
Anzar, Naosherwan. Personal communication, June 2001.
Dadachanji, Arnavaz. Gift of God. Beloved Books, 1996.
Haynes, Jane Barry, ed. Letters of Love for Meher Baba. EliNor Publications, 1997.
Kalchuri, Bhau. Lord Meher, vols. 19/20 (1964-1969). Manifestation, 2001.
Luck, Irwin. Irwin and the Avatar. Myrtle Beach, SC: Media Publisher, 2013.