Who is responsible for my fate?

Such is fate… You cannot escape your destiny… What’s meant to be will always find a way… We hear such and many other similar phases in their meaning constantly, since childhood. There are many people who adopt such a philosophy. And indeed, one can’t deny it: we cannot choose our country, time period, family, date of birth… Most cannot choose with whom and where they work, we are dependent on weather conditions, the will of politicians and even the phases of the moon… That’s a lot to take in, no doubt, but must such things where our opinion and free will should matter be left to faith alone?

The fatalistic attitude

Psychologists believe that a fatalistic (Latin: fatum – fate) viewpoint is conditioned by a few key things. Firstly, it is the belief in predestination. Such people think that everything is predetermined and one’s future is sealed.

This outlook creates a sense of powerlessness and victimhood in one’s life. Very often it already takes shape in childhood. For example, if there was a very strict authoritarian parenting model in the family the children were taught to be unconditionally submissive and dependant on the opinions of their elders. 

The second significant factor is the position towards success. Fatalically thinking people believe that any accomplishment in life is a complete coincidence, a mere intersection of circumstances. We often hear this phrase nowadays: I came to the right place, at the right time… This seems especially odd when such an evaluation of life is projected onto the areas of communication and health. When falling sick, one seems to think that's because luck has turned its back on us, but never because of our inability to spare ourselves, not taking preventive measures or not doing sports. We are arguing with our neighbours because we can’t choose them but never because of our lack of tact, intolerance, petulance, and ignorance when criticising.

Another crucial factor from a psychological perspective is the unmeasured pessimism. It’s the negative, depressive interpretation of one’s self and life events. The condition of pessimism is followed by the experience of separation, hopelessness and loneliness. The individual doesn’t see a way out and doesn’t believe that circumstances might change. It goes without saying that all three factors determining fatalism are closely connected and complement each other. The essential experience shared by people holding fatalistic beliefs is this: I’m not the master of my life and practically everything is not in my control.

According to psychological studies, such a take is common among individuals characterised by emotionality, high levels of anxiety and depression. Sometimes due to illness or especially negative factors, they lack the strength to change or take initiative and then the help of close ones and psychologists are crucial. However, it is most likely that the person who is unable or incapable of getting out of a crisis situation and feels despair, which is often accompanied by reproaches from relatives, feels much safer when blaming one’s fate. By doing so, he removes the burden of responsibility and feels better about himself. When attention cannot be drawn by other means, it’s nice to receive compassion and pity… Sometimes such self-projected ‘disability’ based on fatalistic arguments becomes a real cage preventing personal growth and improvement. Over time it simply becomes easier to live this way… This is how the power to become a responsible, empowered, and self-opinionated person is lost.

The volitional attitude

The famous Austrian psychotherapist and humanist Viktor Frankl wrote: “If the fate of the people is truly controlled by external forces, it is pointless to consider someone responsible for that, which he or she could commit: offenders would not be responsible for their crimes and judges — for their sentences.” If we are subject to the plan from the above, awards should cease to exist and favourable fate should be praised for people’s accomplishments alone. By thinking this way, however, one completely forgets that in order to achieve something, one needs not only talent, which was bestowed by nature but also hard work, necessary knowledge, effort, inner discipline and courage.

Even in sickness, we have two options: wait for all of it to end or do our best to heal; what is of paramount importance is the belief or learning to believe that one can still do something. In case of loss, one can be angry for a long time because of cruel fate, but one may also reconcile, accept and start over. In such situations, comprehension of free will is extremely important. The existence of such will is discussed across all cultural domains: religion, psychology, literature, ethics and even astrology. Experienced astrologists always emphasise that the horoscope shouldn’t be viewed as a sentence but rather as a path full of quests. The unfortunate alignment of stars indicates that one situation or the other will demand tremendous effort but it doesn’t recommend giving up.

It’s difficult to see the opportunity for choice in complicated and critical situations when emotions overshadow one’s thinking and common sense. In such instances, talking is recommended… with oneself. Maybe one should wait, weep out, vent, rest or get some sleep… It is important to understand when we’re capable of making a change and when we are not…