We always look for happiness… As those hungry for bread, we seek the intangible fulfilment in life that would fill our days and uncover the mystery regarding the meaning of life. For this miracle to come true, a fair share of favourable circumstances, great efforts and a philosophical approach towards life and self-knowledge is needed. Such an answer presents itself when one investigates the research insights made by the pioneer of humanistic psychology Abraham Maslow. This scientist was the first one to draw his attention to happy and self-evaluating people rather than those who were problematic and pathological. Whilst summarising the results of his long-term study, he identified the definition of self-expression and revealed the importance of becoming a free, mature and creative personality. According to him, here lies the key to happiness.

The peculiarities of self-realising people

When thinking about successful, self-realising people, A. Maslow wanted to find the answer, explaining how are they different from others. He came to the conclusion that such people seek to become the best they can be by fully using their talent, abilities, their individual psychic potential.

One of the most common traits the successful possess is the ability to accept their surroundings more objectively than others. They know how to control their feelings better and don’t allow them to distort their understanding of the world image by unmeasured optimism or fears. They walk through unbeaten paths in all parts of their lives. Work too doesn’t prevent them from being happy with, what seem to be, ordinary things to others: a sunny morning, a forest covered in snow, a blooming flower, a rainbow, a warm summer rain…

The second trait common with successful people is democratic relationships with other people. They respect another person regardless of their nationality, financial status, social status, education and so on. Such people are also capable of accepting others as they are without moralising, lecturing or seeking to control them. While communicating, they are sincere and simple but retain the dignity of themselves and others. The circle of those, with whom they have close ties, is not very wide as they tend to communicate more with individuals who are alike. Self-realising people are usually independent of the opinions and evaluations of others, even their dear close ones. They simply feel responsible for themselves, their actions and decisions.

The third very crucial factor in their lives is the comprehension of their life’s mission. They seek to realise this mission, thus raising various goals for themselves that are not necessarily related to their professional field. This mission may be the spread of important thoughts or ideas, dedication to children. They are creative and this trait is visible not only in careers but also in daily matters when solving conflicts, problems and criticising.

They are great at distinguishing important and unimportant matters in their lives and know how to distance themselves from them. Such individuals know how to say a clear ‘no’. They can be characterised by a healthy sense of humour and the ability to evaluate events and other people in a broader context.

Of course, such people are not safe from failures, jealousy and gossip as well. They too have habits that irritate others as they may be unmotivated, sad, confused, unable to resist their thirst for honour and saying things in a tactless manner. However, successful people react completely differently when facing adversity. For instance, even the greatest of managers listen to their inner voice, which oftentimes is at odds with the advice given by their close ones, surrounding people or business partners. They are true to themselves and don’t try to engage in self-deception as well as discourage themselves from wants or goals they feel they were made for. They know how to experience moments of endless joy, the ecstasy of peace and bliss because they recognise their body and soul. In addition, such descriptions of ecstasy can be found in records about saints. It is an experience of absolute unity between reality and one’s self, the expansion of limits concerning selfhood… Psychologists believe that for the majority of people, there are reasons to go through such miraculous moments but most don’t recognise, pay attention or acknowledge it as a greatly important life experience.

The purpose of self-understanding 

Is there a point in scrutinising oneself when your surroundings are calling you for work or entertainment and introspection takes away so much of your precious time? After long years of research, A. Maslow suggests that this is the only way to understand one’s potential. This understanding leads us towards exploration and true calling. The greatest problem is that many people don’t recognise their own needs, including those of self-expression. They settle for typical activities and there’s little consideration for self-realisation. Such a question arises when the hopelessness of life presents itself in full, when tasteless and boring life takes over and the individual doesn’t understand nor is able to identify the desire in his heart… What’s worse is when one awakens too late and realises with a bitter taste that the direction of one’s life is now hard to change. Many years ago, the eminent Erich Fromm wrote that the most relevant modern problem is indifference to oneself and one’s life. This is a painful truth. This is why many people look for forgetfulness by using substances or by diving into apathy or virtual reality.

Most of the time the vicious circle closes when choosing one’s professional path, when limiting oneself to mercantile calculations whilst attempting to predict the future perspectives in the labour market. After graduation, we pity our human and financial investments and try not to make them go down the drain. For this not to happen, scholars in psychology advise raising the question of self-realisation in early adolescence. This is the time when parental supervision and understanding of one’s children is crucial. The tendencies of some become apparent very early, and those who want to try out a variety of activities are advised to be allowed to do so. We must teach our children to raise questions to themselves: how do I feel when I do this? Why don’t I like one activity or the other? If so, is it because, say, my best friend is not with me?

It is believed that the need for self-realisation is satisfied by only a handful per cent of humanity… So, is it worth discussing how important it is for people to find their calling and respond to it with all their strength? The late understanding of why we experience heartache might be a good reason alone...