A guide to beautiful relationships

From infancy to last breath, a human seeks love. For this feeling to visit, another human being is needed. However, it’s not enough to just have feelings to maintain a sincere and intimate relationship; it’s important to be able to sustain them, renew them, give them colour, or, more precisely, learn to create a beautiful relationship.

Below are the most essential aspects concerning romantic love, gathered from various sources.

...one grabs onto the first person that comes along. In youth, there’s no desire to lag behind friends, classmates, and in order “not to fall out of context,” unproductive relationships are maintained, which amount to nothing. Friendships are sustained for the sake of company, to escape from loneliness, for someone to pay for a ticket to the cinema... And what about the pressure from relatives, mom’s hints, teasing from friends?

This way, the doors to true relationships are closed...

...the person isn’t looked at from the outside. Often, when evaluating someone, only how they behave towards you is seen. They are generous, witty, attentive... and that blinds many. It would be necessary to shake off and see how they interact with the cashier at the store, with their mother on the phone, with a neighbour in the stairwell, whether they see a crying child nearby, or notice a homeless dog... Those behavioural signs will say much more than a weekend at a resort.

...sexual instincts and emotions are being conflicted. This is especially relevant at the beginning of a relationship. It takes a little time for love to develop. The ancient Chinese used to say: “Love is an infant of time.” Meanwhile, at the beginning of a relationship, infatuation overwhelms, passions boil, impatience makes one rush and promise. So if one seeks a long-term relationship, they should pull themselves together and honestly answer: would I like to be with that person if I couldn’t touch them, kiss them, make love to them? Would I have something to talk about with my partner if they fell ill? If the answer is positive, go for it.

...personal needs and hobbies are ignored. The relationship between two people shouldn’t be based on a game of hot and cold. Such playing can be done once, twice, by mutual agreement... In everyday life, one should clearly identify their desires and not lose themselves. Often both men and women mask their personal interests, secretly hoping that their partner will guess them by any chance, and when that doesn’t happen, they become very disappointed and angry because their partner doesn’t respond to their unspoken thoughts. In such situations, only sincerity and honesty help. Is is these traits that are the bridge to closeness and intimacy.

...elementary human respect is forgotten. As soon as people get closer, they often start to see each other as beings, which are inherently bestowed upon them and should tolerate everything that is coming their way. That’s not the case. All people are either men or women with characteristics typical to their gender and human self-awareness, which should be nurtured and respected. As if avoiding fire, it’s important to avoid anything that could be perceived by the other as a diminishment of their masculinity or femininity. Find an appropriate place and time to express dissatisfaction, so that it becomes a personal conversation for both, leading to closeness...

...conflicts are feared and avoided. If you think that arguments will sink the peacefully sailing boat of love, you are mistaken. It will be rather sunk much quicker by endured grievances, swallowing anger, mutual belittlement, disrespect, unexpressed opinions, unmet needs. On the contrary, seeking a common solution brings people closer together. In reality, there are very few situations in life where there’s no way out; most of the time, people just don’t learn to look for it, to hear each other’s needs, to give up ambitions, and instead, they compete with their partner. Of course, there’s no need to argue for the sake of arguing; the main task is to find a compromise at minimal cost.

...nonverbal language is underestimated. Have you noticed that when one rewinds the tape of yesterday’s quarrel in their mind, one often asks themselves: why did I get so upset, why the hell did I lash out so much? And if you were to rewind the video tape, you would see eloquent gestures, facial expressions, a dreadful tone of voice... Most of the time, just by looking, your partner already knows disagreement, and what hurts the most is not the meaning of the words, but the contemptuous tone. About 80% of the information we convey is nonverbal. In many situations, simply showing attention to the problem would already put one in a positive mood and reduce the possibility of conflict, not to mention the power of a smile, a kiss, or a touch.

...refusal to negotiate. With our significant other, we should behave like with our best friend or teammate. Agree on who is responsible for what, who does what, who doesn’t, and simply stick to the given word. This way, mutual trust is fostered and maintained. Paradoxically, most lying and hiding happen with the closest people. Even more paradoxically, this falsehood mostly poisons relationships and always comes to light... So, do think whether it’s worth it.

...lack of personal space. A little dependency is good, especially at the beginning of a relationship, as it shows trust and the importance of the partner. However, complete dependence on another person’s desires and choices usually becomes a cause of long-term dissatisfaction and prevents one or both parties from growing. Don’t have the illusion that one person can replace your entire world, no matter how perfect they may seem. It’s essential to have one’s own space, and the presence of their loved one should become an incentive for improvement, self-expression, and self-discovery...

...boredom sets in. It’s great to create traditions as a couple: it binds and creates an intimate space, important for just the two people. However, sometimes it doesn’t help and becomes routine. Here, spontaneity and childishness are necessary, through which one can reveal their soul, produce something of quality, laugh, look at everything as if from the outside... Enrich the relationship by incorporating new interests. The more hobbies one shares, the richer their bond will be. Don’t abandon your leisure time and small activities dear to your heart.

...fear of apologising. Everyone can make mistakes. It seems like everyone understands this, but the barrier to apologising becomes too high... In reality, efforts to reconcile are one of the most important factors that determine the success and maturity of a relationship. They can be unsuccessful, awkward, childish, but most importantly, they exist. Learn to forgive, understand why your friend’s behaviour is the way it is. Never ignore a sincere attempt to apologise. After all, this gesture shows how important the person next to you really is...

...fear of praising. Be proud of the person you have. If they evoke feelings in you, it means they have something special... Say compliments, notice their efforts, praise their appearance, admire their actions... There’s never too many kind words, and words of a loved one grow wings...

Beautiful relationships are not a given and not a final result. It’s a long, long journey, and every step requires constant attention...