Editors Like It Tight

EDITORS LIKE IT TIGHT

'Pet' Phrases and Repeated WordsMost of us have certain phrases that we tend to repeat, often in the form of unnecessary and/or repetitive character actions. Search for them and eliminate or make changes as appropriate.
Here are a few pet phrases: nod/nodded/nodding, grin/grinned/grinning, shook his head, shrugged her shoulders, bit her lips, laughed/chuckled/giggled, and pursed her lips. There are others. Learn what you tend to repeat.
The most frequently repeated words are character names and pronouns. Count the number of times the hero's name appears. It can sneak in with dialogue tags (John said), when people speak to him (Listen, John ... ), and when he does something. Pay particular attention to character names or pronouns that begin consecutive paragraphs. Consider changing.
'Ly' Adverbs and Dialogue TagsAn occasional adverb ending in "ly" is fine, but when they are attached to a dialogue tag as a modifier, a writer may inadvertently create a swifty, i.e., a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked to a pun. Examples: "It's freezing," Tom said icily or "I might as well be dead," Tom croaked. Swifties were cute in their day, which ended about 1921.
The most common and best dialogue tags are said/asked, because they're almost invisible to the reader, but there's nothing wrong with an occasional shouted, yelled, whispered, muttered, etc. For the most part, dialogue tags don't need adverbial modifiers.
Was, Were, Had BeenI want to go on record that there is nothing inherently wrong with these forms of the verb "To Be" IF you're careful. Usually there is a more descriptive way to paint a word picture. For example, if I say, "He was running," it just isn't enough. Was he jogging, sprinting, or racing?
Look for a stronger verb and get rid of was. Was and were lead to telling instead of showing. Had and had been refer to something that's already happened. When used repetitively, they can bore the reader, who is interested in what's happening now and what happens next.
ClichesA cliche is a phrase that's been around so long it's instantly recognizable. They sneak into narrative and may create an effect the writer doesn't want. In dialogue or thought, they're OK in moderation. In fact, if a character says, "Patience is not one of my virtues," the cliche tells the reader something about him.

Step 1: Get rid of repetition of a word or idea.

"It" appears FIVE times in this short passage.

Revision: Major overhaul with use of dependent clauses and even fragments.

Example: When the speeding station wagon screeched to a halt, I smelled rubber burning. A red flag for sure.

Step 2: Cut excessive qualifiers.

I'm talking about those two, three, and four letter (sometimes more) words that creep into writing: words like just, very, well, so, quite, really, (-ly words are overdone) and even the, a or an can often be eliminated without harming the integrity of the work. In the example above, we can delete just, very, and suddenly.

While we're at it, get rid of I think

Step 3. Change to active voice. You knew I 'd get to that.

One example of revision: The rusty and dented car (or Plymouth if you insist) seated nine passengers.

But it could also be written: Juiced and ready to go, the wagon's driver and pit crew stopped to pick me up.

Let's say this is the writer's choice.

Step 4. Avoid redundancies, another type of repetition.

Ready for another example?

I stared for minutes at the blue skyWhite clouds covered the warm sun.Then a black swan floated on the pond.Little puppies romped on the green grass.
A sky is blue. Clouds are white, a sun is warm, puppies are little.Grass is green. But rarely is a swan black! Don't mention the obvious.Use adjectives if the color or size is unusual or out of the ordinary.Note the adjectives in the rewrite.
I stared scared minutes at a darkening sky.Bruised clouds crowded out the sun.A stiff breeze whipped at a black swanDrifting on a rippled pond.A listless puppy curled up on neglected grass.

Okay, today's lesson is over. I hope you found this short editing lesson very exciting and not just an effort to make you think with your brain.

(Sure hope you found the faults in my ending. At least eight words could be deleted.)

Question: What is the difference between good sex and good prose?

Answer: In good prose, shorter is better.

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