Once upon a time, in a small kingdom, there lived a work-shy king named King Idle, and he had the laziest group of men or horses anyone had ever seen. The chief of his men was a knight named Sir Languid, and his horse's name was Lax .

One day, a villager named Sam ran to the castle to speak to King Idle. With urgency in his voice, Sam said, "Your Majesty, Humpty-Dumpty has fallen off a wall! He is broken into pieces!" So the king sent all of his horses and all of his men to try and put Humpty together again.

When they arrived, Languid looked at Humpty-Dumpty and then turned to his fellow men and said, "Gather as much honey as you can, and we shall use it to stick the pieces back together." And so the men gathered the honey, but as they put pieces of the egg man back together, the shell slowly fell apart again. After this failed attempt, Languid said, "Alright, men, there's nothing more we can do. Let us go home now and not overexert ourselves."

After the matter, Sam came again to the castle to complain to the king. "Sire, your men did not do their job," said Sam. "They came to the place where Humpty had fallen, used honey, of all things, to try and glue his pieces back together, and when that failed, they went home without even trying another solution. What will you do about this matter?"

Unsure of what he should do, and not wanting to worry himself too much about it, King Idle thought for a moment and said, "I will think the matter over and get back to you.....soon."

A few days later, one of the king's cooks, Sarah, came to speak with the king. "Your Majesty, that pestering boy Hick-a-more Hack-a-more keeps banging at the kitchen door. And whenever we open it, he runs off before anyone can catch him."

Thinking, "Surely they will be able to catch a young boy," King Idle, again, sent all of his horses and all of his men to try and catch Hick-a-more Hack-a-more.

Outside the kitchen, around the corner, Languid and his fellow men waited on their horses for Hick-a-more to come and bang on the kitchen door. When the boy finally appeared, the king's men came from around the corner and chased him. They chased Hick-a-more for a few minutes around the courtyard, and then stopped, men and horses already panting from exhaustion. Then Languid said, "Alright, men, we've done all we could do. Lax is exhausted, so let us go home now to avoid overexerting our horses."

Sarah, again, came to speak to King Idle. "Sire, Hick-a-more Hack-a-more is still banging on the kitchen door. Your men did not do their job. What will you do about this matter?"

Still unsure of what he should do about his lazy men, the work-shy king just said, "I will think it over and get back to you soon."

Not too long after, another villager, Sue, came to speak to the king. "Your Majesty, there is a well on the north side of town that has dried up. Could you be so gracious as to send a few of your men to help refill it? It needs to be filled completely, or else the heat will dry it up again."

Thinking his men could not possibly mess up this simple task, he sent them to fill up the well.

So, Languid and his men on their horses took buckets to retrieve water from the river to refill the well. On horse, it only took a few minutes to get to the river, but after only one trip to the river and back to the well, the men and horses were exhausted, to which Languid said, "Alright, men, that is full enough. Let us go home now and rest."

A few days later, Sue returned to the castle, saying to the king, "Sire, your men did not fill up the well fully, and so the heat has once again dried it up. What will you do about this matter?"

Now furious, King Idle called for Languid to come to the throne room. "Languid, what am I to do with you? You have failed to complete all of the tasks I have given you and so have made me look incompetent. How lazy can one possibly be to not fill up a well as deep as a cup?"

Feeling ashamed of himself, Languid said, "I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I have let you down, and I accept whatever punishment you see fit." After Languid said this, King Idle froze; he still could not think of a punishment for this lazy group of men. What was he to do about this matter?

After contemplating it for a few minutes, finally, King Idle said, "Alright, Languid, I have thought it over and.....I will let you know my decision soon."

Author's Note: This is story is a compilation of the nursery rhymes, "Humpty-Dumpty," "Hick-a-more, Hack-a-more," and "A well" (I've included a list of these nursery rhymes below). However, as you can see, the focus in this story is on "all the king's men." When looking through nursery rhymes, I noticed that whenever "all the king's horses" or "all the king's men" are mentioned in a rhyme, it's usually about them being unable to do something. For example, "All the king's horses, and all the king's men cannot put Humpty-Dumpty together again." This gave me the inspiration for the theme of this story, hence the title, "All the King's Men... Can't Do Anything"

Since the story is about laziness, I decided to give the main characters names that are synonyms for "lazy"; hence the names King "Idle", Sir "Languid", and "Lax" the horse. I decided to make the king work-shy, as well, to make the story more humorous. And to show just how lazy the king's men are, in the story, I put the references to the nursery rhymes in order from the hardest task to the simplest task: putting Humpty back together, catching Hick-a-more, filling the well. "Humpty-Dumpty" is first also because it is the most well-known of the three rhymes. And "A Well," while it is the simplest task, can also be the most important task because it involves the well-being and prosperity of the kingdom.

Bibliography:

• Denslow's Mother Goose by W.W. Denslow
• The Real Mother Goose by Blanche Fisher Wright.

Image Info:

Castle drawing. Source: Pixabay

King cartoon. Source: NeedPix