Choosing How You Want to Be Listened To
“Preference is the mark of a thriving nervous system”
I first heard this idea from Molly Caro May
In the 3-Minute Practice we most often have someone to reflect back the story (The Observer), someone to offer Feelings and someone to offer Needs.
This has been deep and rewarding AND this isn't the only types of listening.
If you would like a different type of listening, here are a few ideas you could ask for.
We’ve not practiced these types of listening much yet. So expect us to “do it badly!”
Would you notice your own Sensations while I'm speaking and then share about those?
Would you ask me about and help me track present moment Sensations?
Would you listen for changes in your own Breathing as I speak?
Would you practice Silent Empathy with kind eyes so I can have someone specific to look at?
Would you listen for Feelings (pleasant or unpleasant) the other person in my story might me feeling?
Would you listen for what the Needs of the other person in my story might be?
Would you listen for what the other person's Good Intention mught be?
Would you listen for Judgements or Evaluations you heard in my story and help me turn them into Observations?
Would you listen for any Faux Feelings I express?
Would you listen for what Thoughts or Stories from your own life were stimulated?
Would you listen for other Perspectives besides the one I took?
Would you help me find possible new Strategies to cope with this?
Would you help me notice if I'm trying to Control or Connect?
Would you help me brainstorm possible present moment Requests I could ask for?
Would you listen for Metaphors or Imagery that might come to mind as you are listening?
Would you listen for any type of Art such as poetry, movies, songs, shows, dance, books or visual art you might be reminded of?
Would you ask me questions to see if you understood my story or my perspective or why this is important to me?
Would you pretend you are my ________ (mother, father, sister, brother, adult child, spouse, childhood friend, minor child, future self etc.) and respond with empathy and understanding?
Would you pretend you are my ________ (mother, father, sister, brother, adult child, spouse, childhood friend, minor child, future self etc.) while you listen to my story and notice how your body responds and what thoughts come up in you?
Would you listen for what part of me you think might be talking (like my inner child, rebellious teenager, wise adult, protector, manager, firefighter or if I’m talking from anger, fear, sadness etc.)?
Would you listen for my goodness, reflect my goodness back to me and help me connect with myself?
Would you welcome my messiness and reassure me that it is all on the way and nothing is wrong?
Would you Celebrate with me?
Would you ____________________________________________________?
Would you ____________________________________________________?