Growing Old Gracefully
by Robert Solomon
I.A spiritual journey
Some people are happy to fill their lives with small goals like what to buy, what to eat, where
to go for a holiday, what clothes to wear. But these amount to nothing if the big journey and
goal in life are forgotten. If you have the big picture in life clear then the little goals will fall
in place.
Our ultimate destination is our heavenly Father’s house (John 14:1-3) but we must place our
faith in Jesus and learn to live in Him while we are on earth.
We are often tempted by Vanity Fair which offers merchandise, pleasure, fame and
amusement which can make us stray from our path. Satan often uses deception and danger,
distractions and suffering to hinder our spiritual progress. When Gulliver in Gulliver’s travels
was sleeping the small Lilliputians tied him up with small stitches but when multiplied, the
small stitches were able to incapacitate him even though he was like a giant compared to
them. When we surrender multiple small areas in our lives to sin or the world, our spiritual
walk can be hindered.
We need to examine our motives in all our actions. Pious acts with selfish motives are
wrong just as what the Pharisees in Jesus’ time were guilty of.
Passion and zeal refers to a spiritual fire in the heart. Some kings in the bible lost their zeal
and original passion in old age when they grew arrogant and trusted in their own
power,strategies and alliances. (eg King Uzziah in 2 Chronicles 26:16).May we continue to be
on fire for God even in old age.
Retirement is not in the language of the Christian. We may retire from gainful employment
but we never retire from walking with Christ and serving Him.
We must resist only knowing (pursuit of knowledge) Christ and doing (serving), but lack in
being in Christ (the personal relationship with Christ). Even more important than who we
are is whose we are.
Eternal life is defined as knowing God the Father and God the Son (John 17:3). We were
made to walk with God and to know Him relationally. As a result of sin, Adam and Eve hid
from God. In Matthew 7:23 Jesus says even some people who prophesy, perform miracles
and cast out demons will be rejected because they do not have a personal relationship with
Jesus (I never knew you).
The purpose of our salvation is for us to bear the likeness of Christ. The more time passes
we should resemble Christ more in our character as demonstrated by the fruit of the Holy
Spirit. When we keep our eyes on Jesus, we will be transformed into His likeness in
increasing measure.
True Christian convictions must be rooted in our knowledge of God and in His Word. As we
grow older these convictions should grow stronger with maturity as we also develop wisdom
to discard misconceptions we held from misreading of scripture.
We often equate advancing age with wisdom but this is not an automatic process. A wise
person is one who has learned the lessons God teaches him through experiences which may
be painful.
James 3:17 says wisdom is pure, peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and
good fruit, impartial and sincere. Titus 2:2-3 says wisdom should manifest itself among the
old as reverence, temperance, dignity, sensibility and soundness of faith, love and
perseverance.
The one who hears Jesus’ words and puts it into practice is wise (Matt 7:24) and has built
his house upon the rock. But if it has not yet rained, don’t be tempted to leave your secure
humble house and join the others who have built their house on sand with success and
material possessions because you do not know when the storm will come.
A person should grow in love for God and for fellow men as they mature. Love is more than
an emotion. It is a commitment rooted in Christ and is best expressed in our submission and
obedience to God.
2.Spiritual Habits
We should not only read God’s word but we should meditate on it day and night. (Joshua
1:8) It will nourish our souls, light our paths, break our stubbornness, heal our wounds,
expose our sinfulness, delight our spirits.
Prayer is neither a spiritual theatre nor dependent on a particular spiritual technique. It
depends on a living and growing relationship with God our Father. By praying regularly our
relationship with God grows and we learn to walk and talk with Him. God is all knowing and
all powerful. We cannot dictate to Him what we want. We should not view prayer as like a
remote control where we press buttons to move God and mobilise heaven. As we pray, our
needs and desires change to align with God and we are drawn to God’s beauty and glory.
We pray not with a list of requests but in praise and adoration of our heavenly Father.
Being relational creatures we need a community to grow in maturity and fullness. We should
aim to grow old while warm and livingly connected, not cold and lonely. This would require
us to invest time and effort to build relationships and keep in touch with friends over time.
Meeting for a meal, inviting people to our homes, visiting those who are less mobile, going
for cell group meetings all help the individual keep in touch with people who can help in our
social and spiritual wellbeing.
The senior years cannot be just a matter of relaxing and reminiscing. We are expected to
continue to serve by conforming our lives to the self-giving pattern of Jesus in doing
ministry. The aim of life is not to consume or to be entertained, but to love and to serve.
3.Redemptive relationships
We need to rediscover our humanness as God intended:
- by discarding our illusions of God (idols) and seeing a God who loves us perfectly and
deeply who will go through any lengths to save us from our sins.
-by appreciating solitude without feeling loneliness. We will be restless until we find our
rest in God. Solitude is when the voice of God is heard in stillness, when there is no need to
impress others or ourselves, when we can enjoy the space that God has given to us.
-by moving from hostility to hospitality, to be friends rather than competitors.
Meaningful friendships are essential for social and mental wellbeing. Throughout our lives
we will have many acquaintances, fellow colleagues, friends and close friends. Few will stay
with us throughout our lives as we move through different phases in our lives and they too
move on. Time and distance will gradually make it difficult to keep in touch with all the
people we know. True friends treat each other on equal terms with dignity and mutual
respect; are motivated by goodwill and not for personal advantage;have mutual trust and
mutual disclosure. One of the greatest gifts we can give in a friendship is active
listening-attentive listening that focuses on empathy. Our closest friends are those that
have gone through different seasons of our lives together.
Family life can bring the highest blessings but can also have the greatest potential to inflict
emotional pain.
-Confess the wrongs you have done against your family members and ask for their
forgiveness.
-Pass on good family traits to the grandchildren. Offer to help look after the grandchildren.
-Spend time listening to family members, and praying for them.
-Think about what meaningful legacy you will be leaving behind, not only material trinkets.
Life is not to be lived just for ourselves, but for others, and living for others involves not just
Christian service but also mentoring the next generation.
Good quality conversations are deep (talking about important issues) , personal (able to
reveal our true self and weaknesses), redemptive (it helps us to find healing and
transformation).
We should make it a daily habit to pray for others-family, friends, those in hospital, our
colleagues and neighbours, people we are sharing the gospel with, church leaders and
missionaries, CG members, people we will be meeting throughout the day.
4.Health and frailties
We should be watchful of what we eat and to get a daily dose of age appropriate exercise.
But we should guard against becoming obsessed with physical health that it takes us away
from seeking God (1 Timothy 4:8).
Lying at the heart of the modern day obsession with physical health is the unhealthy desire
to avoid the ultimate truth that aging and death awaits all human beings.
Many church leaders including the apostle Paul, Martin Luther, John Calvin and Charles
Spurgeon all had illnesses which God did not spare them despite being faithful servants of
God.
Old age brings with it failing eyesight, decreasing energy, strength, flexibility, hearing and
sleep. Some people find it difficult to accept this and try to deny it by pretending to remain
youthful in appearance and lifestyle.
An older Christian whose physical abilities are declining, and yet displays increasing joy and
contentment, would be a great encouragement to others, and an inspiration to the younger
Christians. God will be glorified (Psalms 73:26).
We also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope (Romans 5:3-4). No pain or suffering comes
our way without God’s permission, and no pain is wasted or meaningless. Christian
character helps one to endure suffering, and this in turn deepens Christian character.
Those who suffer more than others should resist comparing themselves with others and
indulging in self pity.
As a Christian we should overcome the fear of death. Death is a certainty of life and it is
unhealthy to indulge in escapism, to put off thinking and preparing for death. Humans have
a natural fear of death because we know we are sinners and worry about judgement. As
Christians we have assurance of salvation through faith in Jesus so we should no longer
have fear of death for it is the gateway for us to return to God and our eternal rest.
Losing a spouse has been deemed as one of the highest stresses one has to undergo. The
loneliness one feels after the loss of a lifelong companion especially during old age when
one has less social network support can lead to feelings of isolation and depression. Turn to
God for He is always with us and to the family of God for support and encouragement.
There will be others in church who have also lost life partners and are going through the
same phase in life and can travel the journey together with you.
Even famous hymn writers like William Cowper (There is a fountain filled with blood), Robert
Robertson (Come thou fount of every blessing) and theologians like Martin Luther and
Charles Spurgeon were known to suffer from depression at stages in their lives. It is
unrealistic to expect a Christian to be immune from depression and always to be living in a
state of elation. Depression can be psychotic which requires medical treatment, reactive
which is due to circumstances, or spiritual which may be due to attacks from the evil one.
For spiritual and reactive depression we should lift our eyes and thoughts to God to see
things from God’s perspective and to receive comfort, courage and strength. We can also
seek help from support groups in the church and find close people to confide in.
Fear of memory loss and loss of personal identity through dementia remains high in the list
of worries amongst the elderly. Family members and good friends can help us to remember
and remind us of who we are and whose we are. God’s memory remains forever and we rest
in the comfort that God never forsake us even if we have lost our mental faculties, and all
this will be remedied when we return to our Lord.
5.Thinking about heaven
Enoch lived 365 years compared to his contemporaries who lived up to 800 and 900 years
but he walked faithfully with God and was taken away before death. This suggests that how
long one lives is not as important as how one lives. The truth of the matter is that how and
when we die is not in our hands. God is entirely sovereign in determining how we will end
our journey on earth. It may come suddenly or after a long struggle with illness. It may be
painful or peaceful. It is not for us to say how it will be. We may not know how we will die
but we know who will be with us when we die -Jesus our shepherd-as we walk in the valley
of the shadow of death (Psalms 23).
Our Christian lives really have to do with who we become rather than what we achieve in
life. Genuine conversion results in a transformed life and the process of sanctification makes
us more and more like Jesus. As to questions of what we will do in heaven, no one can fully
imagine or accurately depict how heaven will be like for us. But our perspective should not
be conceived in terms of what we will do, or even who we will be but rather who will be
with-God himself (Revelation 21:3)
Psalms 90 written by Moses asks God to teach us to number our days aright, that we may
gain a heart of wisdom. It is easy to count our age and the years we have lived, but it is
difficult to count our remaining days or years since we do not know when our end will
come. True wisdom knows the implications of our limited time on earth. Our days on earth
must be framed within the context of the eternal years of God, for only then do we find
true meaning for our passing and transient days. God’s presence in our lives will continue in
the future generations if our offspring witness God at work in our lives to the very end.
It is a dreadful situation to turn old and helpless without any hope for the future. But the
child of God always has hope because we are moving towards a glorious future in the
Lord’s presence.
Most people want to be blessed in life. Fewer people seek to be a blessing in life. In the
beginning of our faith journey we seek God for our own well being. It takes some time in the
faith journey before we become less self centred and begin to relate to God and others in a
self giving way. God then takes His rightful place as the central reality of our existence. God
blesses us to be a channel of blessing to others. In the elderly age group this can be in the
form of listening, praying, conducting bible study, mentoring the younger ones.
Perhaps the most beautiful legacy that ageing parents can leave their children is a
personally lived lesson about facing old age and death with courage and grace.
Thomas Kempis asks this thought provoking question in The Imitation of Christ “What good
is it to live a long life when we amend that life so little?”
As age catches up with us we must avoid the situation where we are always learning but
never able to come to a knowledge of the truth (2 Tim 3:7). We can only grow in our
knowledge of the truth through faith and obedience that are consistently exercised.